Secrets of happiness

It’s strange how so often, the exact words you need to hear, the thoughts you need to listen to and the belief you need restored, are in laid out in a near pile before you eyes. And thankfully, along with all of that, the judgment to absorb all of that is also a part of that pile!

For me, that came as a slow epiphany of sorts in the form of a book called “The Seven Secrets of Happiness” by Sharan Owens (http://booksmyworld.blogspot.com/2010/07/seven-secrets-of-happiness-sharon-owens.html).

I do not even want to look back at what I had become thanks to a lot of changes that I was somehow unable to cope with. I knew I needed to somehow do something about the weird inertia I fell into, but I just did not know how. And there I end up reading the book. And then, I got some really really good news – a hope that had somewhere died. After marriage, I had ignored my old self, and just like that, PM was back in the PMT. 

Anyways, the book details some secrets that the protagonist learns over time. I have now made my own list as well as what I plan to do about things. So here goes:

1. Emotional independence and freedom are vital no matter how many support systems exist in your life. You were, are and will always be “YOU” before you be can be anything to anyone else
2. Being able to look yourself in the eye is the most rudimentary requirement of a peaceful existence within oneself. So be honest. To yourself. That means do things you do not cringe about. Be honest to your commitments; be honest to your work, to your life. To yourself.
3. Acceptance is probably the most powerful tool for temporary peace. It may not be ideal because it may not allow you to move ahead and plan for the future. But sometimes life can be in a deadlock. Acceptance just makes you temporarily steady - which can give strength to move on at a later stage.
4. It’s easy to lay the blame – on yourself and on people around you. But in the end it gets no one anywhere. You make decisions in a given moment based on the circumstances at that time. Blaming anyone – including you, is akin to banging on walls which can’t be broken down.
5. Segregate things which make you unhappy into those which can and cannot be controlled. Focus on those which can be controlled and just go ahead and do what you can to minimize them.
6. Idealism does make the world go round. It is perhaps the single human quality that creates change, which pushes the world to become a better place –one person at a time. But seeing the good in here and now, and realizing that what is happening is the best that can happen in the present situation – perhaps that is what allows for idealism to eventually be implemented.
7. Finding yourself is an overrated concept. There is nothing to find. You are who you are – at any given point. You can’t lose yourself. The self in you as you used to understand it, just changes with time. Re-searching is like looking for something which has already been remolded.
8. The mind and body are both like putty in your own hands. The mind is the ruler. So if you feeling low in any way, just try yelling at that part of yourself and telling it to stop being a baby and whining. It’s possible your mood and energy will both be lifted. It really is mostly all a state of mind.
9. Forgiving yourself is not easy. But no one but you gets hurt each day if you don’t
10. Just because you cannot do that one big thing, is no reason not to take small steps. Small steps or even just moving in the same spot is better than standing still. Because at least you are doing something!
11. Anger and resentment makes you do things you regret, to say things you should not and act in ways you know you should not. It also imprisons you like ‘devils snare” (infamous in Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone). Sometimes, to be free, you just need to relax and let go.
12. Apologize – it’s very powerful.

Hum of the day

I wish I could apologize to the people I have interacted with in this country – for being judgmental, for pointing fingers at other peoples way of life. I am forgiving myself for not being able to live or let live. I am no longer promising anything. I am just going to live. I am going to forgive, and I’m learning to do things which make me happy and allow me to be at peace with myself. I am surrounding myself with happier thoughts, more color, more smiles and more laughter. The bright happy pink of this blog is perhaps step one ;)

Judge, think, yawn!

We judge the strangest things. Really we do. The other day my husband received an email address for someone. It was a hotmail id. And my instant response was “who uses hotmail these days”. Apparently a lot of people! But it just goes to show how effective gmail has been in capturing the mind space of email users. I remember hotmail was my first email id, then yahoo and other email ids which had more mailbox space. Until I moved to gmail! Thereafter I never moved to anything else.

It’s all about branding. And the brands you use often speak volumes – about how influenced we are by what marketers tell us as well as of how accurately they actually understand our mindset.

Anyways I started thinking. I get really annoyed when people judge others by the place they live in, the locality, the car they drive, who they know etc. And here I was, forming an image of a person because of the email id that they use. Has technology just broadened the scope for stereotypes? Is it now a very effective tool to put people into slots? Or do I just have too much time on my hands?!!!

Hum of the day
I am in office, got a random thought. Decided to pen it down - don’t judge me!

Home is where the heart is?

I remember a time about 2-3 years ago when I was terribly homesick for Bombay. That was when I had just moved to Delhi and hated it. But, today, Delhi (Gurgaon actually) has become home. I recall a piece of advice from my dad – “Don’t hate this place so much, it’s where we are, where you family is. In so many ways it will always be home for you. It is where you will get married, this home will have memories, and this city will make see you through important phases – because we are here. That’s what will make it home. The sooner you embrace it, the sooner you will start making those memories” (OK that may not be what he said verbatim, but I know that’s what he meant!)

Why am I remembering all this today? Because I am overwhelmed by how true those words were. I got married, I moved away from India and have been bored out of my wits (I once again repeat I absolutely hate this place- perhaps more than I love Bombay!). My dear husband, in an attempt to cheer me up, keeps suggesting holiday options to places we haven’t been – within and outside of India. And my only response is, that all I crave for is to go back home. And home is no longer Bombay.

It’s my house in Gurgaon. It’s my room. It’s sitting in the TV room lounging on the sofa watching mindless TV with mom and chatting about random stuff - from irrelevant building gossip to emotional family drama . It’s about eating and leaving my plate on the sofa and having dad look at me and shake his head. It’s putting my feet up and asking mom to come up with things I would want to eat. It’s about arguing about random things that people around us do. It’s about life.

Those annoying Delhi drivers who cut me off on the most unlikely turns, getting late for a meeting because a herd of sheep was crossing the main road, taking 40 minutes to cover 5 kilometers, infrastructure hassles. It’s all mine. It’s a feeling of home -of belonging. That house, that room, those people – I miss it all like a physical pain.

I have always been patriotic – more than a lot of people I know. But I underestimated how much I would miss India. Big error in judging myself – or, was it overestimating my coping abilities or the blissfulness marriage brings?! Here I am now, surrounded by culture which I know will never be my own, in a city with no friends, with work which I find barely tolerable enough for me to stay awake, people around me that seem to have few interests besides malls and food, no bookshops and an absolute paucity of intelligent conversation!

All I want is to go back home. I miss having friends in office – I miss coordinating across 3 floors and teams to sneak out for that 1 hour at barista – discussing everything besides the one thing we seemingly had in common – office. I miss knowing intimate details of people’s lives. I miss human contact – even though I am in an office for 10 hours of my day!

I’m repeatedly told its not that bad – I am almost certain that it is not. But, I am an alien in this environment – my demanour, my speech, my mannerisms, my thoughts. Communication can bridge barriers – but what do I do in a place where communication itself is an issue? I may be finding reasons to feel sorry for myself. I hope that’s the reality. But for now, I am lost. And don’t know where to begin to find myself anymore.

Hum of the day

I’m homesick. Today I heard the song from “Swades”. It made me cry on my way to work “ Yun to saare sukh hai barse, pat door tu hai apne ghar se, aa laut chalain ab to deewana, jahaan koi to tujhe apna mane”. I wish I was homeward bound. But for now, all I really wish is that I had the strength to make a home where ever I am. I am struggling – but I hope that I will see it through. I have a hand holding mine – one that reminds me that while my heart is split in two – at least one part of my heart has what it wants.

I Threw Away The Rearview Mirror

For so long now I have been thinking of getting back to writing on my blog. But like most things in my life, my tendency to think more and do less seems to take over. Fortunately, a lot of random things happened yesterday to sort of shake me out of this virtually perpetual reverie that I seem to have got caught up in.

First, over the past week, I reached out to my friends. And friends reached out to me – after a really long hiatus. Some time mid-week, I had GR reach out to me with a long email – over the distance that was unintentionally created by things beyond Mumbai, Delhi and Kuwait. Some feelings are beyond words. That simple gesture made me feel so much less alone in this new country where my only companion for 4 months has been my husband. As sweet as that may sound, in reality, its enough to drive anyone crazy – I’m used to friends, I’m used to independence – of thought, action etc. And I felt like that was all curbed. Anyway, my marital fights reached new lows a day after. I attribute this to a new marriage, new country (which I HATE), new job + me and my paranoia and ability to over analyze, think too much, feel too much and basically have no balance – lets just call it a really potent mix for a disaster with my poor husband at the receiving end! Through most of the above, no one knew any details about, maybe because like most newly married couples, I felt that these things are just too private – which they are. But, they were all small, and essentially driving me mad and fortunately, my dam burst that day and I grumbled like a spoiled child to GR and KD – after god knows how long. And I finally had my friends back! And oh, after grumbling, I also managed to totally patch things up with my hubby – GREAT week!

Second, through my patch up with my husband, I realized the unnecessary dependence I seem to have developed. Agreed I am not totally mobile here by myself (no driving license) but my sense of dependence goes beyond that. Its emotional dependence – which may be normal and required, but it bothers me. Its nice to have someone you can depend on, but do I really need to feel this sense of helplessness without him .The answer is obvious. My independence, ability to do my own thing and have my own life, is core to who I am. When a sense that all that has gone set in – I lost myself in so many ways – only to realize, I am responsible for letting that happen. Its no ones fault – least of all the man I married since he knew me as independent, assertive and self-assured. He must feel such a sense of shock over this insane person I have become.

Third, an email from GR yesterday which said (and I quote here) “I think we have endlessly complained and cried about these issues ...frankly I think we are quite pathetic in this regard. When the world can lose weight what’s stopping us? All we need is a bit of discipline and the strength to go on for the first 4 weeks and thereon without stopping.” (G, sorry if you did not want to be quoted). This pushed me over the edge – towards the above enlightenment!

And today, there was a conversation I had with my husband – where he seemed to be going through similar issues of dealing with this new excessive ‘together’ time that leaves little time for stuff you need to do on your own—it was definitely time for action!
So putting it all together – this is what happened. I realized I need people. I need friends I can reach out to. But that does not mean that those friends have to be in the same place and time-zone as me. Keeping in touch and keeping the connection going is as much my responsibility – if not more given that I am the one alone here! And just knowing that these people are just there for me – no matter what – is a comfort. It got rid of all the loneliness in a snap of a second as soon as I realized it.

Second realization, I need a life. It’s all nice and sweet to be married and have someone etc etc blah blah blah. But it wears off. Beyond that, its regular life! I have given this advice and thought about this theoretically so often, but practice is just a different ball game – it always is isn’t it! There are so many things I like to do – which require just me. But since I got married, I just feel like ‘we’ need to spend time and do stuff together (never thought I would be like that). And changing is taking a toll – on both of us – especially since we are both such independent ‘space’ loving people. So the next thing I decided was I will do the following: Blog, read, exercise – and maybe study (I registered for my CFA) – but the first 3 are essential to my sanity.

Third, I need to grow up and take responsibility for myself and my life. To learn to prioritize, to balance priorities, to balance relationships and to make sure I do not neglect myself – I can see some people smile and say “welcome to married life”

And yeah, this is step one – my blog re-started. I am also starting another blog – one I have wanted to for a long time. It's located at http://booksmyworld.blogspot.com . I plan to review or write about books I read (and I read a lot – even now I’ve finished about 4 in the past 2 months!). My inspiration is friends who keep asking me to suggest books. So it makes sense – I like to read, I like to write , people like to know what I read. It elementary my dear Watson ;)


Hum of the day:
“I am on the bus; I threw away the rear view mirror. I only need to know where I am going and why – and heck I did this by choice because I knew I would enjoy it. Now making it enjoyable – that’s in my hands.”

I've Lost The Words

For ...

A sense of numbness
Palpable happiness
Knotted stomach
Impending difficult choices
Difficult decisions
Grief
Bliss
Heart breaking helplessness
Lightheaded happiness

...Somehow words just don’t come easy.

Words - The way we are accustomed to expressing ourselves. And somehow, with distances and a shrinking world, the ability to communicate verbally often takes over. How else do you tell friends at a distance of a 2-4 hour flight how you felt when you think you met that special someone. How else do you communicate how confusing it is to register that perhaps – just perhaps – he/she is just not into you despite how badly you want him to be. How do you communicate the helplessness of a relationship gone wrong? How do you explain the small happiness of the first rain? How do you communicate the anxieties of change, the excitement of change? How do you ensure that those close to you continue to be tuned into your life? How do you hold on – without the words?

Ironically, it is on precisely those occasions that you perhaps need to reach out and need those words – that the words are just insufficient. You lose the words. I am still trying to figure out why. Why is it that something feels like a knot – good or bad and like it needs to be unleashed? I am beginning to think that we find the words when we are ready to accept the emotions – the power that they have and most importantly, we find them only when we are ready to deal with it and all that “it” implies.

Feelings are palpable – but only to the person who is going through the emotions. A thesaurus is not the answer to all emotions. That weight, that lightness, that happy chocking, that feeling of being overwhelmed, the knot in the stomach, that feeling of dread in the gut, that anxiety of the future. As explicable as all the above are, somehow, the words don’t quite capture it. Which is why you often find yourself saying “if you know what I mean”, “you get it right”, “you know right, what I am trying to get at”. But the great part is that for people who really “get” you, they don’t need those words. Sometimes, the way you say “hello” is enough to give a crystal clear impression of what you are feeling at that moment. Somehow, with those who matter, words are really unnecessary. Facts are unnecessary – all you need is to give a skeletal overview, and there is always that friend who will smile (and you can sense that smile) and will say “chill, take your time, I understand and am right here whenever you read”. And you know every word in the above is true.

That is my source of comfort. That is my source of sanity. When I have so much to say, when I know there is so much in my head that its numb, when what I have is a mixed bag of emotions – and I don’t want to sort it out. All I need to do is make a call and I know there are people at the other end who will say what I need to hear. Time, distance and words are just not really needed.

I’ve said this earlier, life has been a roller coaster for me over the past 10 months now – ever since I met DJ. “Changes” is an understatement – marriage, new country – need I say more? And I have had significant phases of disappearing, of surfacing and disappearing again. Of not calling for weeks on end and picking up the phone and picking up from wherever it is that we left off. And I know that holds true for a lot of people in my life. Changes across friends, relationships and lives – yet somehow we all manage – without having to spell it out.

I guess we all have a lot to be grateful for, but today, I am just grateful for friends. Childhood friends who I don’t call for 3 months at times, but less than a minute into a conversation and we are discussing intricate details of each others lives that I know neither of us would talk to too many people about. Friends who have moved on but will catch me on gtalk and tell me just what I need to hear because they know I will not voice what I need to hear. Friends who have always been there – and am counting on – who send me sms’s saying “just tell me your ok” and friends who say “I know you need time and space but FYI, am right here”. Friends who have completely confused lives of their own but take the time out every 10 days to give me a quick call apologies for disappearing and then hang up 30 seconds later—its enough to show you care. New friends who came into my life in a new city, whom, I know I can call at any hour and will call me – to just give me a quick update and to just talk and vent, who have become my gal-pals in a new city.

From where I see it – I am one lucky girl. Thanks you guys – I know you all know who you are! :)


Hum of The Day
I have been fretting about the changes in my life, about having to move to unfamiliar territories. Today I know that thanks to my friends, I will always have familiar ground around – all I need is Gtalk, skype, email and a cell connection! I love technology!

You get busy, you move on and drift on into your own lives - that’s life. But to hold on in some way, to retain those relationships that gave you company across the years – that remains a choice.

Keeping It Simple Is Not Always Simple

I was tempted to start this blog(after a 2-3 month hiatus) with an explanation of sorts - about the silence and maybe a bit about how the past few months has been an emotional roller coaster ride – I got engaged and its long distance. But then I realised that the only 2 readers I think I have are my closest friends and hence need no explanations. Hence I’m going to jump right in.

There are a million things that go through my head each day. And yet when asked, these days I can rarely think of anything I want to share or say. It’s a strange sort of numbness that seems to have taken over me. And they say this is supposed to be the best phase of life- courtship. I have had a lot of time on my hands – work is mind numbingly slow- and somewhere it struck me recently how much time I spend thinking! How things are, how things can be, how they should be. The improbable, the ideal, the insane, the fantastical, the fairy tale, the completely practical - it’s all regularly evaluated in my head. And somewhere, I forget that life is about a state of mind- and somehow my mind is all cluttered. This blog is now my first step (again) towards the de-cluttering process.

I sound like someone who is facing a lot of issues, and that’s the weird part – my life is fairly simple. Complications come in the easy to handle form of a messed up career (other people don’t seem to see it that way but if I am unhappy call that messed up) and a relative lack of control on daily aspects of life such as – I want to get fit, I want to get rid of my tendency to fall ill, I want to learn to swim (I have started that process), dealing with separation anxiety (marriage of course!), growing up, taking responsibility for myself and partly for DJ (ok he says this bit is a two way street but it’s still scary). And all this together with a long -distance relationship, work that is boring the intelligence out of me (coz I have so little of it) and hence and empty mind – yeah that’s the recipe for disaster that is driving me crazy.

It’s crazy how much importance we attach to events that are yet to come. Somehow, those are expected to sort out all the gaps we felt this far. So I have spent so much time in the past thinking that somehow, when I have a partner, life will fall into place. Somewhere in my head, personal life and career and hence my whole life – was all interlinked. Ok, it still is. I know that’s a reality. But the weird part is, as much as I love my fiancé and as much happiness, security and stability he brings to my life, it’s really not the magic wand that can sort everything out. Yes, it has sorted out a lot of things – as GR told me today, I now have someone who is with me every step of the way – unconditionally – and that’s something that’s not easy to find. So, I am blessed. But…yes there is always that but!

Off-late I have heard of a lot of couples and marriages that are facing issues – some of people really close to me. And it’s taking a toll on me. I am beginning to re-assess what marriage means, the concept of independence, what it really takes to keep a relationship going and yes- how to manage expectations. I cannot seem to decide if the answer lies in trying to get the expectations met (from yourself as well as people in your life) or having no expectations and letting life always pleasantly surprise you. I have begun to implement the latter – yet somehow, it’s not bringing me much happiness. It’s making me cynical and pessimistic. Perhaps, idealism is not meant for me and I’m too human to be that strong. Perhaps it’s time to try something new.

We all have our emotional baggage that needs to be dealt with – and while someone can help ease the process – the clearance process can be done only on your own. Same goes for careers. You can get guidance, help and support – but you have to walk the path and take the steps and decisions yourself. And somewhere that scary thought is hitting me- and filling me with a strange numbness. That while I am no longer alone, I still need to be as strong, as independent and as capable of doing everything, of fighting all those battles – coz while the process may be a lot easier with someone holding my hand, dealing with it all is something only I can do.

Hum of the Day
At a recent Goa holiday, Kanwar said something which he heard that has stayed with me – “happiness is a state of mind and until one is happy with himself, looking for happiness is like hunting with your eyes blindfolded”. Profound, simple and true.

Playing God

I recently finished reading this book called “If God Was a Banker”. The title caught my eye and it also came recommended as a good read. After a long time, here is a book that I simultaneously wanted to and didn’t want to read.

For the uninitiated, it is a book about 2 guys who begin their careers together. One is a “Tam-Brahm” (TB) who has struggled against all the odds one can think of to educate himself and reach where he has. He exudes traditional middle-class hard working values and lives his life by very simple principals. He believes in intuition and will not do anything that’s against what he considers right. His expectations from life are not small; he just has the patience to wait and the grit to fight for his scruples. The other is a slightly full-of-himself (I’m trying to be kind) urban-bred Mr. Know-It-All (KIA) predictably without any scruples. He will do what he needs to get where he has to. He will give up his personal loyalty (to his wife as well) just to get ahead.

The book begins with this Mr.-Know-It-All and talks of some big event which ruined everything. It’s a fairly fast read that comfortably flits between the present and past. I found myself reasonably hooked and wanting to know what happened. To cut a long story short, Mr. KIA and TB, both are pedigreed IIM graduates who join a Global retail bank looking to set up base in India. They get a lucky break together to set up the business.

Predictably, they take different routes to get what they want. Mr. KIA quickly learns the joy of short-cuts and glib talking and the thrill of cheating and lying. Again, predictably, he “loses” in love when the girl he wants falls for someone he believes in unsuitably for society i.e. Mr. TB. He ends up marrying someone he has a fling with and thereafter goes on to continuously cheat on her. He leads double lives with such ease that I actually had goose bumps reading. The author makes it seem so simple – if this is even close to reality (which unfortunately it is), it’s as sad a situation as I could imagine. A wife at home waiting for you and expecting you to be honest and, without blinking an eye, to just lie through all the transgressions I can imagine. To do anything to get that promotion, to make your work you life and to be hedonistic to an extent that is shameful is probably the reality of corporate life but it’s far away from nice.

In contrast, Mr. TB marrying a nice girl who helps him to build the life he never imagined. He gets the career he wanted, he fights all odds and in the end – you got it right, he does triumph (remember the beginning where Mr. KIA had a mishap which makes his life fall apart – “shockingly: his sins catch up with him). It was really predictable but nice and eerie but real - a book of complete contrasts.

The God of the story is a well connected senior banker who is a balance between TB and KIA. He knows where to draw the lines and knows where to pull the strings. He has the answers and knows how to decide. Perhaps that’s what I liked about the book – simple balance and prudence is really the answer.

Hum of the Day
No one enjoys the complete journey, but somewhere we learn the tricks of the trade and we survive. We play the God to our own lives. Unfortunately, there is no rule book. We sort of have to write that ourselves as well.

Expect More

I saw 2 very disparate movies over the past few weeks. The first was Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and the other Ghajini.

What can is say about a movie where the woman cannot recognize her husband just because he no longer has a dorky mustache and hairstyle and wears differently styled clothes? It was a light-hearted one-man show. The message they wanted to give out was simple enough – love must be honest, must surpass all sorts of boundaries (including those of logic), beliefs and has to necessarily be total in nature. That its ok to waver, its ok to like the flamboyant guy who makes you laugh and makes you have a good time but in the end, it’s the simple sweet one who would do anything for you in the world is the one who finally pulls at your heart strings.

I don’t think I will ever understand why this conception exists in the Indian mindset. There is nothing wrong with being aggressive, pushy and flamboyant. Just because someone is that way, is no reason to presume they will be a certain way. But we perpetuate these stereotypes all through our lives. The guy with the flashy sunglasses has to be obnoxious. The pretty well dressed girl must be snooty and therefore good to have fun with and nothing else. Walk into a room and you can feel people sizing you up based on the way you walk, talk eat, drink, dress – the list is endless. Yet, when you think about it, how many people who you know really well, have really lived out these perceptions. Often, the most flashy guy will be the most soft-hearted guy and make an awesome friend. The gorgeous woman with an air about her may be just shy or self conscious or may have that air to protect herself against people who judge her. The badly dressed guy with poor vocal skills may be a victim of a lack of exposure but may have the most intelligent thoughts. Every single person is a cocktail – it’s a mix that has to appeal. Somewhere, what we like to see on screen – is that the mix is completely perfect and universally acceptable. Even the most perfectly made margarita is not universally acceptable. You would expect more from people.

Ghajini – well it was weird on a whole different level. Well acted (a tad on the over-done side), a completely copied story line and misplaced (yet awesome) set of songs. While RNBD had someone who could not recognize stuff and use her head while she was completely in her senses, Ghajini had a person with severe amnesia, leading life with unexplained precision. No explanation as to how he begun to realize he had to live life that way. How he managed initially– and a host of other logical gaps- creative license is what its called I presume.

What struck me quite a bit again was the naïveté of the female lead. She can’t seem to see what evident to everyone around. Made me wonder – do we not like to see things just because they may be too unbelievable for us to digest? Its easier to presume ones own opinion to begin with still holds – because if we admit that things may not be what they seem or as easy as we like to believe, we may have to let go – and that’s never a pleasant or easy thought to live with. Another obvious observation – why is it that the women are the ones portrayed with the lowest level of logic? In both RBDN and Ghajini – inability to see the obvious seems to be a natural gift. When in reality, women usually have a reasonably good level of intuition and when dealing with people can often be at least (as much if not more) astute than is expected. So is expected the operative word?

Hum of the day:
Expectations form the basis of how we see life and things. It is recommended that for peace, renounce expectations. Do and don’t expect. Impracticality abounds a lot of our lives. To be human is to expect. To expect is to dream. And a life without dreams is mere existence.

The world will go around

After a long hiatus from writing, I am back to it. The past 2 months have seen the world around me go crazy in more than one way. I work in the line of finance, most of my friends are in a similar line of work and with the markets the way they are, doom abounds almost all conversation. But this is not specific to of finance professional because the world is an interconnected place. And this is a difficult time for everyone – especially for my generation i.e. people who entered the world of high-paying employment about 3-5 years ago. Because this is the blessed generation – or so we thought!

We began our careers with a silver spoon – institute, degree and caliber were compensated handsomely and perhaps more than was deserved. The market had more demand for our skilled manpower and hence sky-rocketing packages, mushrooming small businesses and a thriving consuming class. My colleagues and friends (and perhaps me as well) planned their lives assuming they would be able to live their dreams – and when the market kept growing and delivering – the dreams got bigger and the goals more ambitious. So assuming the salary would come in at the same level, assets were bought (often on loan), and deals were struck, personal decisions and life-plans were made. Then, one day, the euphoria was rudely punctured. We all saw the signs, most people knew trouble was brewing- but did anyone really anticipate this kind of a downturn – god knows!

Suddenly, the steady income was a problem. Suddenly those dreams looked further away or had to be put on hold with little hope of revival to that level. Our parents will say they have weathered these cycles, that was goes around comes around etc. But I somehow feel they lived in a slightly different world. The sheer quantum of money involved has inflated expectations to unimaginable level. So while a small house was enough to keep our parents happy, our generation dreams of the condo. While a fiat was an aspiration once, today, these material assets have taken a whole new proportion.

What is disturbing, however, is that the faith is diminishing. In a lot of urban circles, marriages are breaking, loneliness, poor health etc is relatively rampant and life is just not what it seems like it was for a generation before us. Somewhere, work-life and professional success has become a barometer for life in general. So now what happens in an environment where that barometer may not be available for so many? What happens to relationships, to life plans, to those dreams people had together or individually. Can they survive this downturn? Can they still be seen – maybe further ahead that’s all. Or will this mean going back to the drawing board – in life and work? Will it see relationships re-defined almost as much as pay-packages and work ethic? Will a generation that somewhere has got used to commanding and demanding, have to finally start really working, understanding and earning?

They say this recession will shake out the system, will consolidate and re-define towards more leaner, cautious and durable systems. Perhaps the recession will also take us back to a more grounded personal existence as well. Yes, this change is at a price, but I believe things happen when they are most needed. Maybe without this shakeout, no one would have even known they were in a mess. This could be a chance at re-evaluation and a honing of survival skills – only in a difference sort of jungle.

Hum of the day:
At times, love makes the world go around. At others, its money and somewhere it is also fear. But what makes the world survive at all is sheer faith. Faith that whatever it is that is making the world go around; the world will continue to go around. What’s lost will be found- as will the sheer will to look for it.

Weird is just a reality

Each day, most of us worry about our lives – will my financial model have no errors, will that client take my call, how do I deal with the troublesome customer, how do I appease my boss, will I get a bonus, will I get food to eat, will my kid get admission- etc the list is endless. Our lives, therefore, become a series of measures to ensure that the worries do not fructify.

When practicing meditation, each person has their own methodology. One of the methods I found most relaxing in an odd sort of way was to focus on myself and then to slowly zoom-out. I mean, I start with concentrating on myself, move on to my room, house, building block, housing complex, my city etc until I am seeing the world as a tiny dot from a satellite. Sounds insane on so many levels but it provided a perspective that allowed me to just take a deep breath and just know that what I was worrying about was just not big enough.

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield talks of an interesting concept – that when life began, humanity’s primary concern was finding out the purpose of life and this quest formed the fabric of life. Finding it unable to arrive at satisfactory answers, mankind dispatched a set of trusted people in search for a universally acceptable truth. In the meanwhile, they got down to their own lives. As part of this settling down into a routine, they looked for means to life more comfortable – resulting in the comforts and life we see today. Somewhere in the background, the search still continues.

Perhaps that is the reason why we lead our lives the way we do- because our own life is all that we can control anyway. Somewhere, the helplessness that is associated with the prospect of something beyond us guiding our lives, adds to uncertainty, which adds to discomfort. But that uncertainty has a way of hitting us anyway – and usually when we least need it. Usually, a global economic meltdown is ill timed to arrive just when you needed that high bonus, or, just when you could not handle your boss another day. You will have that breakup just when u know you need someone in your life the most. Someone will walk into your life when you need it the least. You could be benched just when the work is getting interesting. Life is weird.

On the other hand, usually, while the big picture of a meltdown has little good that it can do, it can lead to a clean-up. Not just of businesses but of mind-sets. Realistic expectations from work and life, sustainable salaries and perhaps the time to figure out what else a job can provide besides money. A breakup usually results in introspection and someone walking into your life can never be a bad thing. Life is weird.

It has a way of being unexpected. Of throwing curve balls that are impossible to predict. But then that’s what makes the match interesting. If you knew the outcome and you knew the process – life would have just been a ride in an amusement park – without any worries and a detached excitement. Thankfully, the attachment, the worry, the fear and the excitement puts the life into life.

Hum of the day
Happiness and peace are goals we try to achieve. Detachment and control are tools we use. Even if life were an engineering project, only if you put both your heart and head into it, will you get a result you want. Anything without that is just a result you will strive to better. Sort of defeats the need of peace does it not?