The other day someone sent me this link of this brilliant youtube video of a stand-up artist who very eloquently describes the differences between the male and female brain. According to him, the brain of a man is clearly compartmentalized into little drawers – one for the office, one for the wife, one for kid 1, one for kid 2, one for mother-in-law, etc. This, also allows for a brilliant space called the “nothing box” where, well, men think of nothing or rather don’t think. This is unfathomable to a woman according to him. Because, women, have a mesh of wires as against neat compartments where nothing touches. In a woman’s mind, everything is related to everything. And as per me, his analysis is bang on.
So here is my typical thought process – ill get fit if I have time, but to have time I need to quit work, but when I quit work I get bored, when I get bored I get depressed, when I get depressed, I eat – or fight with my poor bewildered husband, so maybe I should try and get fit when I am working? But then how will I find time – welcome back to square 1! Or, we need to stop fighting about petty stuff, it’s the fact that I am bored and depressed where I am, the solution is to move out of here. But there is no way out immediately available, so I need to be patient and make use of the time effectively so that my energy is channelized productively, what can I do? Oh, get fit - welcome back to square 1.
Yes, I am more than a little mad I think. But then again, it becomes a situation of which thread to work on first, what causes the situation. But how do you tackle it when you don’t know what’s caused it to begin with. It’s a multitude of things, all connected and a single incorrect move, sets it all on fire resulting in a mental short circuit!
Which brings me to my question – what comes first, chicken or egg? Should I wait for someone else’s life to guide mine or take mine in control, but eventually I will have to factor in someone else’s life. It’s all too complicated at times and perhaps, we all need a nothing box to just go into, breathe, and come out of. To be able to realize that sometimes, being random with deliberation IS the only key – in other words, pick one thread, work on it. Does not matter which because if everything is connection, somehow, one thread can sort it all! Hopefully!
We (men and women) spend a lot of time often deliberating the what-ifs and tossing around the if-only hat. Maybe, if we just moved – with or without a plan – just did what needed to be done at that given point, and left it up to time to take care of other things, maybe, one wire at a time, we could ensure that the loop that leads to a short-circuit is broken somewhere.
Hum of the day
We are all connected to others in our lives. Our thoughts and various aspects of life are connected. However, sometimes, you need to break the loop internally, to ensure that all the connections are safe.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Mind And What We Make Of It
Time and again I have heard the above phrase “It’s all in the mind” – and I am starting to find it increasingly frustrating. Because, if it is all in MY mind and assuming that my mind actually belongs to me, then I should be able to control it. And if the assumption is that we do indeed control our own minds, and then I must be a raving lunatic to be consciously – or even unconsciously – allowing my own mind to think, feel and make me act a certain way which I myself do not like. It therefore means, I am insane because I let myself be insane?
The human mind is weird. Or actually, I am increasingly starting to believe that the expectation of rationality from the mind – because the mind is supposedly the “thinking” part of us – in itself is irrational. There is absolutely nothing rational about the thoughts, feelings and emotions that drive or mind. We like to believe its logic – but pure logic seldom exists. If it did, well, life would be very different from what it really is. So even when logic says that I should be keeping a brave face, that I should be strong what actually drives me to implement that is illogical thoughts like “time will take care of the changes I am looking to happen and that somehow life will fall into place one day”. Logic says that I should have no expectations from another person regarding my life – but my mind itself does not seem to process how not to have expectations from people I care about. Logic says that it’s actually logical for each one to live their own life – the human side of the capitalist theory perhaps – but who really manages to implement that? If my mind is being driven but the irrationality that makes me human, how can I expect the mind to reach a rational conclusion? How do I stop it from thinking, feeling, acting a certain way?
Our mind also conjures up an image of who we believe we are and how we see ourselves. This unfortunately drives how we assume others see us. And then there is that tricky line of how we want others to see us. Somehow, all three blur in together. We see ourselves a certain way – which includes attributes we do not want – and we like to believe that our external behavior deludes others into seeing the person we want to portray. But somewhere, I believe, because we do not inherently have what we want to showcase, we never believe anyone can see it. Hence, we perpetuate our own negative self-image at times because the act of acting can make people do strange things. See – nothing logical about anything the mind seems to actually do.
But I wonder – why do we have this obsession with wanting to be logical? Because that makes us predictable perhaps or perhaps because we have been conditioned to belief that the most logical thing to do is the ideal thing to do?
The other day, in an argument, I happened to mention that I am not logical and I don’t want to be – and I got the response that “you are a woman”! Yes, you may smile, I did too – but here is some food for thought. If all of us were logical, what kind of a life would we lead? When the happiest parts of life and the attributes of human nature and life come from the irrational, the illogical and the craziest of emotions – then why is it that we take pride in logic and mock a lack of it? Why is it not ok to be thinking, feeling and emotional person? I cannot imagine anyone who is completely devoid of what we call “logic decision making” which is really “the most appropriate course of action”.
But, why is there such little respect for the fact that the most appropriate is rarely robotic, harsh or calculated. It usually factors in illogical things like human emotions, what’s best for everyone involved etc. Perhaps the word logic intuitively gives us a feigned sense of control. It’s all in the mind after all – we can trick it into thinking what we want right?
The other day, in an argument, I happened to mention that I am not logical and I don’t want to be – and I got the response that “you are a woman”! Yes, you may smile, I did too – but here is some food for thought. If all of us were logical, what kind of a life would we lead? When the happiest parts of life and the attributes of human nature and life come from the irrational, the illogical and the craziest of emotions – then why is it that we take pride in logic and mock a lack of it? Why is it not ok to be thinking, feeling and emotional person? I cannot imagine anyone who is completely devoid of what we call “logic decision making” which is really “the most appropriate course of action”.
But, why is there such little respect for the fact that the most appropriate is rarely robotic, harsh or calculated. It usually factors in illogical things like human emotions, what’s best for everyone involved etc. Perhaps the word logic intuitively gives us a feigned sense of control. It’s all in the mind after all – we can trick it into thinking what we want right?
Hum of the day
Numb is not a state of happiness, neither is apathy and nor is harshness. We respect and remember the nice, the happy, the joyful and the lively. The process of growing up has forced me to develop the traits I do not like – in order to survive. And somewhere, I gave up on the rest. I no longer want one way or the other. And if it is a choice, I will gladly choose to be opinionated, emotional and sensitive. I may need to recondition my own thinking and respect for what I want to choose – but I believe I will learn to live again. It’s the logical thing to do.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Something Big, Yet So Small
One of my greatest wishes - and I believe a lot of people feel the same - is to make a difference. For most of my life I have wanted to be a part of something. Anything.
I moved cities, I changed buildings, I changed schools and inevitably, most of my time was spent trying to simply fit it. When I started working, I continued to be what I call a "changer". I changed 4 jobs in about 5+ years of working. Yes, I had my reasons - career progression, health and personal changes. But, there is always a but. The but here is that it meant that in the 5 years since I began my career, my process of settling has continued and the settlement has never happened.
I was also never really a sports-person - my hobbies are primarily reading and writing -- and hence, the only thing that became a part of, was my own mind and thoughts. Somehow though, I have always wanted to do something beyond. Starting with my graduation years, I would dream of doing some "good" of being a part of an organization with some higher goals. Somewhere this stayed a dream and my higher goals gave way to choices that met expectation goals of others (and somewhere of the conditioning I had). Surprisingly, for me and others, I continued to dream that dream - of making a difference. My MBA yearbook states that I dream of starting my own NGO - as part of a finance batch of an MBA institute - I know that that dream set me apart.
But what happened to my dream - I think somewhere I realized what it really was - it was always a dream to do something that I could give my best to, that allowed me to feel like i belonged to a team and that I could contribute and make a difference.
There are so many identities we hold - we are affiliated to a school, a college, an organization, a family, a group of friends, a country. That sense of belonging goes beyond your presence in that place physically. Patriotism is perhaps the simplest and strongest sense of belonging. I moved away from my country - the place I could call home, and suddenly, I found a place where I belonged. As for making a difference - I will go back some day, work as hard as I can, find work that i enjoy and give it my hundred percent - the difference, will be of one individual times hundred percent.
Hum of the day
To belong is to know that nothing can take that belonging away. To make a difference is to know that somewhere, something, anything, or anyone is better because of you. It really is that simple. I belong and I make a differnce- we all do -- no matter what.
I moved cities, I changed buildings, I changed schools and inevitably, most of my time was spent trying to simply fit it. When I started working, I continued to be what I call a "changer". I changed 4 jobs in about 5+ years of working. Yes, I had my reasons - career progression, health and personal changes. But, there is always a but. The but here is that it meant that in the 5 years since I began my career, my process of settling has continued and the settlement has never happened.
I was also never really a sports-person - my hobbies are primarily reading and writing -- and hence, the only thing that became a part of, was my own mind and thoughts. Somehow though, I have always wanted to do something beyond. Starting with my graduation years, I would dream of doing some "good" of being a part of an organization with some higher goals. Somewhere this stayed a dream and my higher goals gave way to choices that met expectation goals of others (and somewhere of the conditioning I had). Surprisingly, for me and others, I continued to dream that dream - of making a difference. My MBA yearbook states that I dream of starting my own NGO - as part of a finance batch of an MBA institute - I know that that dream set me apart.
But what happened to my dream - I think somewhere I realized what it really was - it was always a dream to do something that I could give my best to, that allowed me to feel like i belonged to a team and that I could contribute and make a difference.
There are so many identities we hold - we are affiliated to a school, a college, an organization, a family, a group of friends, a country. That sense of belonging goes beyond your presence in that place physically. Patriotism is perhaps the simplest and strongest sense of belonging. I moved away from my country - the place I could call home, and suddenly, I found a place where I belonged. As for making a difference - I will go back some day, work as hard as I can, find work that i enjoy and give it my hundred percent - the difference, will be of one individual times hundred percent.
Hum of the day
To belong is to know that nothing can take that belonging away. To make a difference is to know that somewhere, something, anything, or anyone is better because of you. It really is that simple. I belong and I make a differnce- we all do -- no matter what.
Friday, November 19, 2010
For all the times
Reason, season and lifetime -- an easy and yet complicated classification of people in our lives. When I think about it, its unbelievable how many people have touched my life, and how many of them have somehow become the fabric of my life. One of my favorite lines is that "friends are the family you choose" and well, I think I have been more than blessed with my family - of choice and otherwise.
The beauty of life is that, we can decide to increase the size of what we call a lifetime. Each city, each place, each office, each encounter, it all slowly adds up.
My childhood was in a very friendly building and the two friends I made then were with me at my wedding - one in spirit and one in person. When I left Calcutta, of all my friends, one special person remains one of my oldest and closest friends and one who the fact that I havent met her for over five years, is relativley unimportant when we talk. In Mumbai, I found a home again - friends who became family. But I moved away, and while some of those people become mere reasons and seasons, I have more than a few clear "lifetimes" in my life. In Delhi, I thought I would be just reasons and seasons, and life surprised me by introducing me to lifetimes - friends who I know will be there for me and most importantly, Delhi introduced me to MY lifetime - probably my closest friend and lifepartner - my husband.
I got married more than a year ago and more than two years ago my husband got added to my lifetime, and with him, so did a web of relationships. The concept of lifetime in this relationship is somehow an insufficient explaination of what the relationship is. The security, the ability to just "be" and to know that no matter what, something will always stay the same - becuase you both choose that it will be that way and because beneath it all is an inherent trust and friendship which is what makes any relationship endure a lifetime.
So today, I am just remembering all my lifetimes - my friends (including my husband) and the song I heard today, brought tears to my eyes. Love you all and I cant even say I am missing you -- because somewhere you are all with me, standing by me, just like I am for you
Hum of the day
Reasons and seasons can come and go, the beauty of life is choosing the lifetimes
The beauty of life is that, we can decide to increase the size of what we call a lifetime. Each city, each place, each office, each encounter, it all slowly adds up.
My childhood was in a very friendly building and the two friends I made then were with me at my wedding - one in spirit and one in person. When I left Calcutta, of all my friends, one special person remains one of my oldest and closest friends and one who the fact that I havent met her for over five years, is relativley unimportant when we talk. In Mumbai, I found a home again - friends who became family. But I moved away, and while some of those people become mere reasons and seasons, I have more than a few clear "lifetimes" in my life. In Delhi, I thought I would be just reasons and seasons, and life surprised me by introducing me to lifetimes - friends who I know will be there for me and most importantly, Delhi introduced me to MY lifetime - probably my closest friend and lifepartner - my husband.
I got married more than a year ago and more than two years ago my husband got added to my lifetime, and with him, so did a web of relationships. The concept of lifetime in this relationship is somehow an insufficient explaination of what the relationship is. The security, the ability to just "be" and to know that no matter what, something will always stay the same - becuase you both choose that it will be that way and because beneath it all is an inherent trust and friendship which is what makes any relationship endure a lifetime.
So today, I am just remembering all my lifetimes - my friends (including my husband) and the song I heard today, brought tears to my eyes. Love you all and I cant even say I am missing you -- because somewhere you are all with me, standing by me, just like I am for you
Hum of the day
Reasons and seasons can come and go, the beauty of life is choosing the lifetimes
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Remembering My Core....
Last weekend, I came to mom's house for Diwali. Weird but now somehow it's become "Mom's house". Home is someplace else. Anyways, whatever this home in Gurgaon is, this visit has done something to me - or maybe it has undone some damage. It has given me this strange sense of peace, I have been able to gather my thoughts once more, I have de-cluttered my mind and its significantly more free than even before I moved away after marriage. Somehow, coming home as a visitor, has taken me back to a place of peace.
Somewhere, I had got lost in the varied opinions, the new culture, the new perspectives and my new life. I became confused about what matters to me, what should matter and what I want to matter. I no longer knew who I wanted to be, and I could no longer recognize the person that I had become.
This visit has been a gentle reminder of who I really am. Someone held my hand and slowly reminded me of the importance of basic values, of work ethics, of the value of things that last way beyond the high of a large cheque signed in your name. The belief that integrity, strength of charecter and being honest to yourself and your work is what will ensure that at the age of 60, when the corporate career is probably nearing and end or has ended, when you start to look back at your life an evaluate what you have achieved - you can still hold your head high, you can still make one phone call and reach for help, you are still the person people look to for guidance and you get will get that assurance that you have - and always will- command a certain respect that is priceless.
So I have promised myself that I will be the person I know I was brought up to be. I will live by the values that define who I am. I will not let the fact that I live in a materialistic world cloud my judgement of what is appropriate, acceptable and expected. I will be grateful for the fact that I am in a position to not let the principal of maximum material benefit guide my life. I will no longer try to fit into a world where I feel like I am weird because of the values I have.
Life is not easy. But if you keep your rules and priorities in line with basic humane principles, somehow, taking decision and making life choices, really ceases to be optional.
Hum of the day:
I have been given a legacy of values - which makes simultaneously humble and proud. It is now my duty to live a life so that I can pass on the same.
Somewhere, I had got lost in the varied opinions, the new culture, the new perspectives and my new life. I became confused about what matters to me, what should matter and what I want to matter. I no longer knew who I wanted to be, and I could no longer recognize the person that I had become.
This visit has been a gentle reminder of who I really am. Someone held my hand and slowly reminded me of the importance of basic values, of work ethics, of the value of things that last way beyond the high of a large cheque signed in your name. The belief that integrity, strength of charecter and being honest to yourself and your work is what will ensure that at the age of 60, when the corporate career is probably nearing and end or has ended, when you start to look back at your life an evaluate what you have achieved - you can still hold your head high, you can still make one phone call and reach for help, you are still the person people look to for guidance and you get will get that assurance that you have - and always will- command a certain respect that is priceless.
So I have promised myself that I will be the person I know I was brought up to be. I will live by the values that define who I am. I will not let the fact that I live in a materialistic world cloud my judgement of what is appropriate, acceptable and expected. I will be grateful for the fact that I am in a position to not let the principal of maximum material benefit guide my life. I will no longer try to fit into a world where I feel like I am weird because of the values I have.
Life is not easy. But if you keep your rules and priorities in line with basic humane principles, somehow, taking decision and making life choices, really ceases to be optional.
Hum of the day:
I have been given a legacy of values - which makes simultaneously humble and proud. It is now my duty to live a life so that I can pass on the same.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Free flowing
These days, in an effort to "find what I am looking for (and find what it is that I am searching for!)", I am into the self-help genre of books - and also into turning regular books in self-help books full of wisdom. My latest acquisitions are - The HBR series called "Managing Your Career" and "Life is What You Make It" by Peter Buffet (son of Warren Buffet).
The wisdom I have gathered so far (in a nutshell) is : Self help is what you make it, you have to move, think and act -- without that every intention is just a waste of mental space!
I did pick up a few tips - one of which is the importance of reviewing your life and allowing for a free flow of thoughts. So I have been doing that. Off late, I have been carrying around a small pocket sized notebook where I jot down random things like to-do lists, aspirations, what i want from my life, from my day etc. I realized that somewhere, i have become too operational. My list is filled with what I call idiotic, unimportant things like "make a shopping list" , "go shopping for groceries", "clean wardrobe" etc. And I stopped to wonder how low I've stooped! Is this what my life has become? It cant be.
But then again, the reality is that this is life - beyond a point everything is operational. Your relationships become operational, your job becomes operational and hence, naturally, your to-do's will be operational.
But Ii think there is a solution. Its what I call "keeping the dream alive; for which you need to keep dreaming". While a lot of people say that for peace, "bigger, better, more" is not healthy, to me, it depends on what you want more of and as long as you are not harming people or even if harming them does not bother you (if thats the way you are) at least having a dream ensures that you have much more of a life (whatever that life is) as compared to one of an apathetic, operational existence.
As the R. Kelly Song goes -- "If I can see it, then I can be it, If I just believe it-- there's nothing to it"
Hum Of The Day
There is a dream to dream every time you close your eyes. There are thoughts to choose every-time you have the time to think. Free-falling works if you have mastered the direction. Until then, use a parachute to ensure that you steer your life the way you want to. For which, see the place, draw the map, and jump!
The wisdom I have gathered so far (in a nutshell) is : Self help is what you make it, you have to move, think and act -- without that every intention is just a waste of mental space!
I did pick up a few tips - one of which is the importance of reviewing your life and allowing for a free flow of thoughts. So I have been doing that. Off late, I have been carrying around a small pocket sized notebook where I jot down random things like to-do lists, aspirations, what i want from my life, from my day etc. I realized that somewhere, i have become too operational. My list is filled with what I call idiotic, unimportant things like "make a shopping list" , "go shopping for groceries", "clean wardrobe" etc. And I stopped to wonder how low I've stooped! Is this what my life has become? It cant be.
But then again, the reality is that this is life - beyond a point everything is operational. Your relationships become operational, your job becomes operational and hence, naturally, your to-do's will be operational.
But Ii think there is a solution. Its what I call "keeping the dream alive; for which you need to keep dreaming". While a lot of people say that for peace, "bigger, better, more" is not healthy, to me, it depends on what you want more of and as long as you are not harming people or even if harming them does not bother you (if thats the way you are) at least having a dream ensures that you have much more of a life (whatever that life is) as compared to one of an apathetic, operational existence.
As the R. Kelly Song goes -- "If I can see it, then I can be it, If I just believe it-- there's nothing to it"
Hum Of The Day
There is a dream to dream every time you close your eyes. There are thoughts to choose every-time you have the time to think. Free-falling works if you have mastered the direction. Until then, use a parachute to ensure that you steer your life the way you want to. For which, see the place, draw the map, and jump!
Monday, October 11, 2010
I'm Moving On & Thank You
The last couple of weeks have been eventful for me to say the least. Actually that's not entirely accurate -- the last 7-8 months have been eventful for me. I've said it earlier so I won't repeat my woes of marriage, moving to a new country, etc. But last week I closed one chapter. I quit my job. A job which for the longest time, was a cause of personal and professional strife in my life. A job that changed who I used to be as a person - it turned me angry, resentful and worst of all intolerant. But the fact that it made me realize that i had become all the above - is something I'm grateful for. The weird thing is - it was and is just a job.. how could it have such a potent impact on my life. It should not - yet it did.
I used to pride myself in being tolerant, in respecting people and opinions, in the fact that I have always believed that I can learn from people around me. Here however, I turned into a snob who was intolerant to people, culture and behavior. And i hated myself. And the more i hated, the worse it became. The reason - it was simple.
We define who we are by the work we do and the position we hold. If those somehow, do not match your own expectation, there is a tendency to feel let down - with yourself and life in general. Which is so weird.. work is what we do.. not who we are.. yet I confused the two concepts - and i have been confusing them for a while now.
A mess up at work does not say anything about who I am-- its says a lot however about how I am at the work I have chosen. And that choice was my primary mistake. I have never been happy in my line of work and lack the passion for the job-- and I hate doing half baked work --which frustrates me and its a downward spiral. But this time, I went too far, I let it change who I was and how i reacted. I was hurtful to so many people, some which I care about and some whom I don't -- but I would not want to hurt them anyways. I made judgments;on a city.. on the people in that city ... all because I was hurting... and its unfair and not who I am... its perhaps too late to apologize.. but I'm glad i know what i did wrong--and hope that somehow, people understand why I became who i became.
This also made me realize that I have some fundamental issues with the line of work-- and so, this time, I've closed the door on not just this job but the work I was doing. I may do it as a stop-gap, but largely, I'm moving on.
Im moving on to a line I may not know i want, but know that its not what i do not want. And thats definitely a step forward. I am scared, I am uncertain and yet I am excited. Because, I'm becoming an explorer for the first time and being impractical. I read somewhere - the uncertainty of the unknown is better than the unhappy certainty of the known.
Hum of the day
I took a step, it angered me. I wanted to move, I couldn't see. I made a move, it set me free. I'm now willing to explore what lies ahead of me.
I used to pride myself in being tolerant, in respecting people and opinions, in the fact that I have always believed that I can learn from people around me. Here however, I turned into a snob who was intolerant to people, culture and behavior. And i hated myself. And the more i hated, the worse it became. The reason - it was simple.
We define who we are by the work we do and the position we hold. If those somehow, do not match your own expectation, there is a tendency to feel let down - with yourself and life in general. Which is so weird.. work is what we do.. not who we are.. yet I confused the two concepts - and i have been confusing them for a while now.
A mess up at work does not say anything about who I am-- its says a lot however about how I am at the work I have chosen. And that choice was my primary mistake. I have never been happy in my line of work and lack the passion for the job-- and I hate doing half baked work --which frustrates me and its a downward spiral. But this time, I went too far, I let it change who I was and how i reacted. I was hurtful to so many people, some which I care about and some whom I don't -- but I would not want to hurt them anyways. I made judgments;on a city.. on the people in that city ... all because I was hurting... and its unfair and not who I am... its perhaps too late to apologize.. but I'm glad i know what i did wrong--and hope that somehow, people understand why I became who i became.
This also made me realize that I have some fundamental issues with the line of work-- and so, this time, I've closed the door on not just this job but the work I was doing. I may do it as a stop-gap, but largely, I'm moving on.
Im moving on to a line I may not know i want, but know that its not what i do not want. And thats definitely a step forward. I am scared, I am uncertain and yet I am excited. Because, I'm becoming an explorer for the first time and being impractical. I read somewhere - the uncertainty of the unknown is better than the unhappy certainty of the known.
Hum of the day
I took a step, it angered me. I wanted to move, I couldn't see. I made a move, it set me free. I'm now willing to explore what lies ahead of me.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Open doors
Open doors
The heart soars
Smiles around
Happiness unbound
A simple key
To set me free
A simple step forward
Unknown where toward
A dream of the life ahead
A dream of a past shed
Standing not alone
The brightness of the key shone
Unknown to me dreams are dreams
A distance from possibilities
Open doors closed eyes
Its time to wake up to reality
Closed doors keep me safe
The key is now with me
Closed eyes keep me happy
I don’t want to know the reality
Hum of the day:
Sometimes words don’t come easy. I just want to close my eyes and dream more realistic dreams.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Eyes wide shut
Lighthearted laughter
Untainted, unaffected
Unseeing and not listening
Eyes wide shut
The pleasant sounds around
Unknown to the unpleasant
Unpleasant sounds abound, unknown to the pleasant
Ears wide shut
Happiness surrounds, pleasure abounds
Laughter unbounded
The world dumbfounded
Mind wide shut
Experience is usually considered a good thing. Experience exhumes respect, it is a symbol of wisdom and representative of reliability of opinion. But I wonder. While reading something today, the following thought was planted in my head – untainted by experience, the lighthearted hope and feeling, is one that is unique to only childhood.
Childhood was when most lucky individuals are the happiest – that hope, that ability to dream and that belief that those dreams can and will come true – all of it brings unique peace. It brings a sense of excitement about the future. Those lighthearted steps, skipping to school, skipping home from school, swinging you bag, swaying in abandon – behavior that is rarely exhibited by adults. Perhaps because experience makes us realize that things often can and do go wrong. Experiences shows us that there are pitfalls across each road we choose to tread on. And that no matter how hard you try, some amount of disappointment is inevitable.
Childlike abandon in adults is rare – but it is not absent. There are those few individuals you meet who have a unique energy about them - peace and a sense of happiness and belonging and the belief that their future will be fine. It makes me wonder – I know that these individuals are not naïve enough to have childlike abandon. Then what makes them tick in such a unique way? I believe it is the belief and the experience that no matter how many pitfalls and how much disappointment is coming their way, that feeling will all pass. And in the end, that individual knows that brushing off, getting up and moving on – none of that is really an option. Not trying – that is not an option either, because that is akin to choosing regret.
Perhaps, eyes wide shut means that your vision and senses are open only to what you know to be your own reality and within your own abilities. Beyond that, a blissful lack of awareness is the choice towards happiness and a good night’s sleep.
Hum of the day
I love children and I often crave for the feeling that childhood used to bring. I also hope that I will someday have the faith in myself to develop that ability to laugh freely, dream big and have the faith to know that those dreams are in my own hands. For now, I am working towards ensuring that I do not regret at least trying – if I brush off a couple of times, I’ll learn to jump the pitfalls and to climb out when I fall in. Practice may not make perfect but it will make the journey more pleasant.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Hoping to run - a step at a time
For the past two weeks now, the stress levels in my life have gone down. I sort of felt like I am alright again and in control of my life. It was a great feeling. But I wish the feeling lasted longer. This week, my mood again took a downturn – for no apparent emotional reason but for a physical one. I was just not feeling ok – lack of energy, lethargy, etc can be a real dampener on enthusiasm for life! So, on Thursday, I realized (yes for the millionth time probably) that I simply HAVE to do something about my weight – if for no other reason but just so I can lead a life that makes me moan and groan less!
I was reading another blog and this girl talks about her battle with weight in detail and calls herself the token fat girl who has perpetually been combating weight, eating, getting depressed, combating weight, caving into craving, having bad days, eating, gaining weight and the downward spiral continues. A lot of what she wrote really spoke to me. But not for the obvious reason – coz I saw empathy – but because I realized that I too spend so much time thinking about my weight, analyzing the “what” and “why” of it, planning, and then – allowing myself into a spiral and wasting my “good” days in the above process of thinking, analyzing and planning! That’s when I decided that for a change I needed to DO.
So I emailed GR (my partner in these wonderful endeavors) and as usual we both agreed—this time on something which seems like fun. It’s called the couch-to-5km running plan. Designed specifically for lazy couch potatoes like me who have wanted to do something but give up too soon – often because I do stuff in excitement and do not believe in a step by step approach – its all or nothing for me. Reading the plan, forced me to realize a step by step approach is possible – and a guided step by step approach is probably what I need more than anything.
So on the weekend, while I did not start the plan, I did use the gym, I ran for all of 2 minutes – plus a while on the cross-trainer. Burned all of 150 calories – it’s a start. I have also given up on chocolate – I am allowing myself other sweets once in a while.
A few baby steps – who knows ill run some day!
Hum of the day
I have dreamed for too long, I have wondered how to do it, I have thought about how life will change when I do it. The only missing link has been actually DOING something about it. Its time to stop thinking and start doing – one step at a time!
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