Self respect is a strange concept. I have often wondered what exactly it is. Is it being able to look yourself in the eye every morning or is it being able to sleep at night? In my world, these are two events that often do not happen together. I can look myself in the eye almost always – because basic habits and up-bringing ensure that I rarely do things that I will be ashamed of. Sleeping at night, well that’s a function of decisions made and actions taken thereafter. And that determines the respect I have for my decisions. Respect, unfortunately, becomes a relative term.
I remember repeated conversations with my closest friends about how a decision is valid only in a given situation and you make it based on the best information available. Why then is it that it is so difficult for people to forgive themselves for decisions made in the past when new information comes their way. If I acted a certain way, it was because I saw a situation from a certain viewpoint. Today, something moved, and I see something new. Why is it that I berate myself for seeing things the way I did. I did not do anything that was against my self respect – yet, I can’t seem to respect my own decisions and judgment.
Forgiveness is easy. It really is -but only when it pertains to someone else. The reason is that while you can lie to another person, you can’t ever fool yourself. You always know what is irking you. To learn to deceive your own self is an art undiscovered. But to let go, is a tool we use- it’s what I call the out of sight out of mind system. Remember how as a child, you closed your eyes when something unpleasant happened in the hope that because you cant see, no one can see you and it never happened. That carries us through our lives. When you find it the most difficult to deal with, let it go. No right and wrong here. Its just survival – if you can’t control it, there is no limit you can put on it. Let it go and for you it will no longer exist. Life is normal again.
Hum of the day
The great part about life is that time and distance are related concepts. With time, distance is created, with distance peace and with peace, somewhere, forgiveness and respect.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Unknown to me
“I have a dream, A song to sing, To help me cope, with anything. If you see the wonder of a fairytale, you can take the future, even if you fail. I believe in angels, something good in everything I see. I cross the stream, I have a dream.”
One of my favorite songs from childhood – always makes me smile. Today, it makes me wonder what the writer of that song must have been experiencing to feel a desperate need to express a hope for optimism. To give him/her that inspiration and motivation to move on, to let go of things in the hope that better would be around the corner – to need to know that if the distance was covered, that was a step towards a better world.
For a long time I have been writing – and it’s cathartic for me. Therefore, I was stumped with myself when I no longer could. I think I was afraid of facing what would flow from me if I allowed myself to write. But I also knew somewhere, some day I would have to, in order for me to cross the stream - today is that day.
I held on tight to a dream
Unknown to me its strength
I help on tight to a hope
Unknown to me the end
A need to know the truth
An urge to make it true
A call to take a step
Unknown to me it was back
A look around of me
Somehow clearly I see
Unknown to me a life
Unknown to me the truth
A decision to move ahead
Unknown to me the hope
A decision to take a step
To forgive myself the road
Unknown to me a smile
A surprise upon my eyes
Unknown to me freedom
A new beginning became known.
Hum of the day
Life is full of surprises. It’s the most pleasant when you surprise yourself.
One of my favorite songs from childhood – always makes me smile. Today, it makes me wonder what the writer of that song must have been experiencing to feel a desperate need to express a hope for optimism. To give him/her that inspiration and motivation to move on, to let go of things in the hope that better would be around the corner – to need to know that if the distance was covered, that was a step towards a better world.
For a long time I have been writing – and it’s cathartic for me. Therefore, I was stumped with myself when I no longer could. I think I was afraid of facing what would flow from me if I allowed myself to write. But I also knew somewhere, some day I would have to, in order for me to cross the stream - today is that day.
I held on tight to a dream
Unknown to me its strength
I help on tight to a hope
Unknown to me the end
A need to know the truth
An urge to make it true
A call to take a step
Unknown to me it was back
A look around of me
Somehow clearly I see
Unknown to me a life
Unknown to me the truth
A decision to move ahead
Unknown to me the hope
A decision to take a step
To forgive myself the road
Unknown to me a smile
A surprise upon my eyes
Unknown to me freedom
A new beginning became known.
Hum of the day
Life is full of surprises. It’s the most pleasant when you surprise yourself.
Would a map help?
I read this book (I think it was called When You Meet Buddha on the Road Shoot Him – I’m not sure). It began with a thought that has stuck with me – one of the biggest causes of unhappiness is the belief that there is a purpose to our life. There isn’t. Living is what we are meant to do, the ups and downs, the good and bad, the experience of it all is our only purpose. We give ourselves a lot of unhappiness because we try to extract from it something which is not. It is in living that you will actually achieve what you were given life for. That’s the answer to a happy life – just live it.
That’s easy enough to when things are at a level where you feel you can control it- but when the course veers off-track, that’s when I know I have a tendency to look for some other purpose – some higher goal of life. I think it gives me the comfort that things are happening for a reason – that the madness around me is not just a random. Because randomness scares me like nothing else. Because I can’t seem to be able to fence in the extent to which it can be unpleasant. I rarely find myself wanting to fence in the good – no surprises there.
I have gone through a lot of life philosophies – one where I believed I could control life, where I believed I could not control life only myself to one where I believed nothing is in my hands. Today I seem to have settled for a mid-path. I control the route which controls which of the limited end goals I will reach. In other words, I have come to believe my life is like a maze – one of those puzzles we used to solve as kids where you need to find 1 of 3 or four alternative treasures- you can wind down various roads and depending which you will chose, you will get what’s at the end. My hope is that the treasures don’t differ dramatically. My gut is that they do. My wish is that I chose correctly.
Hum of the day
I met a schoolboy of the present-past today. Crisply ironed shirt, well matched shoes and trousers, neat hair, confident stride with a backpack. I smiled as he walked into his cabin, opened his backpack to remove his laptop and get to his task for the day with the same enthusiasm as that of a child entering school. I wonder if anything has changed. We are all just children - working first to learn to be able to make a living, then to make that living. Somewhere we forget to do what we are trying to – live.
That’s easy enough to when things are at a level where you feel you can control it- but when the course veers off-track, that’s when I know I have a tendency to look for some other purpose – some higher goal of life. I think it gives me the comfort that things are happening for a reason – that the madness around me is not just a random. Because randomness scares me like nothing else. Because I can’t seem to be able to fence in the extent to which it can be unpleasant. I rarely find myself wanting to fence in the good – no surprises there.
I have gone through a lot of life philosophies – one where I believed I could control life, where I believed I could not control life only myself to one where I believed nothing is in my hands. Today I seem to have settled for a mid-path. I control the route which controls which of the limited end goals I will reach. In other words, I have come to believe my life is like a maze – one of those puzzles we used to solve as kids where you need to find 1 of 3 or four alternative treasures- you can wind down various roads and depending which you will chose, you will get what’s at the end. My hope is that the treasures don’t differ dramatically. My gut is that they do. My wish is that I chose correctly.
Hum of the day
I met a schoolboy of the present-past today. Crisply ironed shirt, well matched shoes and trousers, neat hair, confident stride with a backpack. I smiled as he walked into his cabin, opened his backpack to remove his laptop and get to his task for the day with the same enthusiasm as that of a child entering school. I wonder if anything has changed. We are all just children - working first to learn to be able to make a living, then to make that living. Somewhere we forget to do what we are trying to – live.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tag a memory
Gauri “TAGGED” me to answer a set of questions about my life. Simple and sweet stuff on the lines of favorite smell, favorite board game etc the very basic personal information. It was a Tuesday afternoon and ennui was all around so I opened it up and started filling it out. I had fun doing it – for two reasons – first, it was fun to think of answers and some questions brought back memories that made me just smile. The second was because it gave me something to think about (I did mention extreme boredom did I not?).
What struck me is that I have never really thought about these things earlier. And that made me realize that I have never discussed some aspects of my life with anyone- not even my closest friends. And that strikes me as weird. I know I have always been a very personal person but that has to have its limits. And it’s never been a conscious decision not to talk of these things. It just never came up. But then just because the question is not asked, does that mean there is no need to volunteer information at all?
On of my favorite TV shows is this children’s show called Full House where Michele’s (a 3 year old) answer to most things is – nobody asked me. But there are too many questions in this world and no one will be able to ask them all. There are some things you have to proactively volunteer.
And it’s so important to relive the untouched parts of our lives- the un-discussed ones. Because good memories make u smile and unpleasant ones have the power to reassure you that if you could get past that, you have the strength to face what lies ahead. I think somewhere life has taught us to just move ahead. To stop looking back because the belief is that looking back ties you down. But in order to decide whether what’s tying you down is good or bad, you still need to look back occasionally – to smile and remember. We owe our life that much at least.
Oh, the response to the TAG. Here goes.
Last movie seen in a theatre:
Jaane Tu…. Thoda pyaar thoda magic before that which was preceded by Aamir--- yea I watch a lot of movies
What book are you reading?
Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh. Just finished Palace of Illusons by Chitra Bannerjee (the best book I have read in a really long time).
Favourite board game:
Ludo and Snakes and Ladders - Very fond memories with my grandparents and those games!
Favourite magazine:
Readers Digest (I know it’s not technically a magazine but what the hell I love it!)
Favourite smells:
Wet grass and monsoon – happiest memories include watering the garden as a child and playing in the rain
Favourite sound:
“Maasi” – a word and a sound… makes my day!
Worst feeling in the world:
Immobility with fear - prompted by the presence of a dog within 200 meters of me!
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
I am late!!!!
Favourite fast food place:
Elco arcade hill road. Haldirams is also good and of course Mcdonalds!
Future child’s name:
No clue- i know what they are NOT going to be!
Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…”
.... be able to figure out what I really want to do in what is now a hypothetical situation
Do you drive fast?
Yes! And now that I am in NCR I actually can!
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Not any more
Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool
Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Yea- quite like them
If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?
Light brown
Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:
Baroda, Ahmedabad, Bombay, Chennai, Calcutta , Mumbai (it was re-christened by then) and now Gurgaon
Favourite sports to watch:
Not a sports person at all
One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:
Gauri – her positive attitude makes me believe dreams can come true
What’s under your bed?
The floor!
Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yea- if I am guaranteed the same family!
Morning person or night owl?
Night owl.
Over easy or sunny side up?
Somewhere in between
Favourite place to relax:
The sofa by my window in my room
Favourite pie:
Chocolate and lemon meringue ( seperate not mixed together!)
Favourite ice cream flavour:
Chocolate and strawberry
You pass this tag to:
:) The only other blogger I know sent this to me! So the buck stops here I guess!
Hum of the day
A memory is nothing but the emotion that it brings out. To remember is to give the emotion a storage place- to create a reserve to be drawn on when you need it the most.
What struck me is that I have never really thought about these things earlier. And that made me realize that I have never discussed some aspects of my life with anyone- not even my closest friends. And that strikes me as weird. I know I have always been a very personal person but that has to have its limits. And it’s never been a conscious decision not to talk of these things. It just never came up. But then just because the question is not asked, does that mean there is no need to volunteer information at all?
On of my favorite TV shows is this children’s show called Full House where Michele’s (a 3 year old) answer to most things is – nobody asked me. But there are too many questions in this world and no one will be able to ask them all. There are some things you have to proactively volunteer.
And it’s so important to relive the untouched parts of our lives- the un-discussed ones. Because good memories make u smile and unpleasant ones have the power to reassure you that if you could get past that, you have the strength to face what lies ahead. I think somewhere life has taught us to just move ahead. To stop looking back because the belief is that looking back ties you down. But in order to decide whether what’s tying you down is good or bad, you still need to look back occasionally – to smile and remember. We owe our life that much at least.
Oh, the response to the TAG. Here goes.
Last movie seen in a theatre:
Jaane Tu…. Thoda pyaar thoda magic before that which was preceded by Aamir--- yea I watch a lot of movies
What book are you reading?
Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh. Just finished Palace of Illusons by Chitra Bannerjee (the best book I have read in a really long time).
Favourite board game:
Ludo and Snakes and Ladders - Very fond memories with my grandparents and those games!
Favourite magazine:
Readers Digest (I know it’s not technically a magazine but what the hell I love it!)
Favourite smells:
Wet grass and monsoon – happiest memories include watering the garden as a child and playing in the rain
Favourite sound:
“Maasi” – a word and a sound… makes my day!
Worst feeling in the world:
Immobility with fear - prompted by the presence of a dog within 200 meters of me!
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
I am late!!!!
Favourite fast food place:
Elco arcade hill road. Haldirams is also good and of course Mcdonalds!
Future child’s name:
No clue- i know what they are NOT going to be!
Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…”
.... be able to figure out what I really want to do in what is now a hypothetical situation
Do you drive fast?
Yes! And now that I am in NCR I actually can!
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Not any more
Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool
Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Yea- quite like them
If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?
Light brown
Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:
Baroda, Ahmedabad, Bombay, Chennai, Calcutta , Mumbai (it was re-christened by then) and now Gurgaon
Favourite sports to watch:
Not a sports person at all
One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:
Gauri – her positive attitude makes me believe dreams can come true
What’s under your bed?
The floor!
Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yea- if I am guaranteed the same family!
Morning person or night owl?
Night owl.
Over easy or sunny side up?
Somewhere in between
Favourite place to relax:
The sofa by my window in my room
Favourite pie:
Chocolate and lemon meringue ( seperate not mixed together!)
Favourite ice cream flavour:
Chocolate and strawberry
You pass this tag to:
:) The only other blogger I know sent this to me! So the buck stops here I guess!
Hum of the day
A memory is nothing but the emotion that it brings out. To remember is to give the emotion a storage place- to create a reserve to be drawn on when you need it the most.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Wish Upon a Star
In one of the stories in Richard Bach’s Curious Lives, the ferret teacher tells the kindergarten ferrets that each one of us has a star- one unique star that is always there when we look up. She tells them to dream – to listen to the heart and that if you close your eyes, and allow yourself to really access that voice within, you will know what it is that you are meant to do. And when you need a reminder, all you need is to look up at your star and you will know that someone knows your dreams and that will restore your faith – in yourself and your life.
To dream is to seek the ideal and to chase the esoteric- and I used to think that dreaming was the easy part. It was creating that bridge of action towards achieving that dream that created a problem. Off late I find myself in a very unlikely situation. I dreamt the dreams and now I seem to have just stopped. I continue to want things but a fear that they may not be achievable is becoming stronger and more disturbing is the fact that I have begun to question my dreams – to temper them with reality. So it turns out they are not really dreams- more like a mission statement for life. And there is something so clinical about that- so real that it scares me.
There is a concept in most spiritual circles which talks about living in the present – doing things here and now and doing them with all your heart without a thought to either the past or the future. And that, it is believed, will teach you to truly enjoy life. I begun to subscribe to that and live life a day at a time. I stopped planning too much and just – well I just lived. But, I now find, to me that is not really living – it’s more like existing.
The few times these days when I really dream - of the completely child like idea life, it gives me a happy feeling - the stability of living in the present is just a sad compromise. I am talking about that blissful smile that comes with the possibility of a happily ever after, the smile that shows you are a thousand miles away in a world of your own; the smile from the heart that knows things will be perfect.
And when you smile that smile, you know what perfect is – your own perfect. But to even get a small bit of it, you have to be able to see it.
Hum of the Day
Today I wish upon my star – to help me dream the dreams I used to have- for I know, that when the dream is back, the drive to achieve it will surface by itself. My heart knows it – I’m looking for the right ray of light that makes it visible to me again. I looked up. My star smiled down.
To dream is to seek the ideal and to chase the esoteric- and I used to think that dreaming was the easy part. It was creating that bridge of action towards achieving that dream that created a problem. Off late I find myself in a very unlikely situation. I dreamt the dreams and now I seem to have just stopped. I continue to want things but a fear that they may not be achievable is becoming stronger and more disturbing is the fact that I have begun to question my dreams – to temper them with reality. So it turns out they are not really dreams- more like a mission statement for life. And there is something so clinical about that- so real that it scares me.
There is a concept in most spiritual circles which talks about living in the present – doing things here and now and doing them with all your heart without a thought to either the past or the future. And that, it is believed, will teach you to truly enjoy life. I begun to subscribe to that and live life a day at a time. I stopped planning too much and just – well I just lived. But, I now find, to me that is not really living – it’s more like existing.
The few times these days when I really dream - of the completely child like idea life, it gives me a happy feeling - the stability of living in the present is just a sad compromise. I am talking about that blissful smile that comes with the possibility of a happily ever after, the smile that shows you are a thousand miles away in a world of your own; the smile from the heart that knows things will be perfect.
And when you smile that smile, you know what perfect is – your own perfect. But to even get a small bit of it, you have to be able to see it.
Hum of the Day
Today I wish upon my star – to help me dream the dreams I used to have- for I know, that when the dream is back, the drive to achieve it will surface by itself. My heart knows it – I’m looking for the right ray of light that makes it visible to me again. I looked up. My star smiled down.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Optinal Options
I went and saw Aamir on Saturday. And for the past half an hour I have been trying to write about it and have been trying to frame my thoughts. And it is not working. Perhaps because the movie is a one of such stark contrasts – of goodness and loyalty; of destruction and betrayal and of fear and survival- that I do not know what to really think. So I am choosing not to. I am instead going to focus on what I felt while watching it.
It was scary in a very real sense. The protagonist is part of the present generation - capitalist and ready to carve his niche in the world. He believes that his decisions control his life and that his destiny is what he makes of it. He believes that every single individual not matter how destitute, always has an option to chose paths and to create the life they believe is best for them. And he believes that it is not anyone’s place to do that job for another individual.
Do I agree completely? I am not sure. I am one of those who believe that while the broad and basic aspects of life are predetermined, how and when we get there is something we control. So while I may be destined to be doing something, how easy or painful that journey is, depends on the choices I make- and that includes my attitude as well as my actions. I also firmly believe that not everyone has the same choices, but then benchmarks are unequal as well so on some level that balances out and allows each person to move one step up from where they are.
When Aamirs’ life is no longer controlled by him, his sense of desperation is what had me at the edge of my seat. To be governed by someone else, to not know why you are doing what you are doing and to have no idea about the ultimate aim of it all is too uncomfortable to even fathom. Yet, here it was in front of me. One person, one day and complete upheaval of his existence – that’s what I call reality bites!
It got me thinking – in a sense there are a lot of times when I believe that my life and destiny are not really in my hand, I know I rarely know why things happen and all I really do is have faith that its all happening for a reason which is completely unknown to me.
But then the movies’ clincher is what really touched my heart – you do always have a choice. And just like it is believes that a bad apple cannot be turned good, it was really heartening to see that vice-versa works as well. In crises, in madness – it may be possible to actually get a glimpse of the big picture - all it takes is a split second of a nirvana moment. The core of your beliefs and what you know to be right and wrong can actually surface despite all odds and irrespective of consequences. Perhaps that’s what destiny is. It provides that nirvana moment. Recognizing it is where your choice comes in.
Hum of the day
Life is choices. Perhaps the biggest choice is whether or not we want to recognize this.
It was scary in a very real sense. The protagonist is part of the present generation - capitalist and ready to carve his niche in the world. He believes that his decisions control his life and that his destiny is what he makes of it. He believes that every single individual not matter how destitute, always has an option to chose paths and to create the life they believe is best for them. And he believes that it is not anyone’s place to do that job for another individual.
Do I agree completely? I am not sure. I am one of those who believe that while the broad and basic aspects of life are predetermined, how and when we get there is something we control. So while I may be destined to be doing something, how easy or painful that journey is, depends on the choices I make- and that includes my attitude as well as my actions. I also firmly believe that not everyone has the same choices, but then benchmarks are unequal as well so on some level that balances out and allows each person to move one step up from where they are.
When Aamirs’ life is no longer controlled by him, his sense of desperation is what had me at the edge of my seat. To be governed by someone else, to not know why you are doing what you are doing and to have no idea about the ultimate aim of it all is too uncomfortable to even fathom. Yet, here it was in front of me. One person, one day and complete upheaval of his existence – that’s what I call reality bites!
It got me thinking – in a sense there are a lot of times when I believe that my life and destiny are not really in my hand, I know I rarely know why things happen and all I really do is have faith that its all happening for a reason which is completely unknown to me.
But then the movies’ clincher is what really touched my heart – you do always have a choice. And just like it is believes that a bad apple cannot be turned good, it was really heartening to see that vice-versa works as well. In crises, in madness – it may be possible to actually get a glimpse of the big picture - all it takes is a split second of a nirvana moment. The core of your beliefs and what you know to be right and wrong can actually surface despite all odds and irrespective of consequences. Perhaps that’s what destiny is. It provides that nirvana moment. Recognizing it is where your choice comes in.
Hum of the day
Life is choices. Perhaps the biggest choice is whether or not we want to recognize this.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Paint a Picture
A star right here
The moon up there
Distant beauty
Unknown and rare
Balls of energy
In different shapes
Look too close
The smile will fade
Paint a picture
Step back and see
The color you gave it
Together in totality
The heart can wander the mind can see
The mind can examine, the heart will beat
Perspective and perception
Beauty and direction
Observe, listen, feel
Make a decision.
Positivism and negativity are just concepts. We choose to see the smaller bits but forget to piece them together. Start counting the things in your life which you should be thankful for. I did that today.
I’m grateful for an education, for a family to take care of my needs so I can work for the intellectual (and financial) high that it gives me. For the fact that I am in an environment that intellectually stimulates me enough to have a need to prove myself and work harder- cannot imagine the boredom associated with not having to do that anymore.
I am grateful for friends who trust me enough to remember to call me in their time of need. Even more so for those who complain when I sometime neglect to do the same when I need them. I am blessed for a family that cares enough to want to know about the details of each boring day and to want to advise me as to how it can get better. For a cell phone and mobile connection to connect with people I cannot meet for months together. For friends and family that take me for granted.
I am blessed. I just forget to take a deep breath and put it all together. That’s the difference - it’s half empty when it’s in pieces…together, it a pretty picture that makes me bow in gratitude.
Hum of the day
Life is like needlework. Sowing is just the means- simultaneously enjoyable and arduous. The picture fortunately began pretty and, is always visible for you to see. Just take a glance.
The moon up there
Distant beauty
Unknown and rare
Balls of energy
In different shapes
Look too close
The smile will fade
Paint a picture
Step back and see
The color you gave it
Together in totality
The heart can wander the mind can see
The mind can examine, the heart will beat
Perspective and perception
Beauty and direction
Observe, listen, feel
Make a decision.
Positivism and negativity are just concepts. We choose to see the smaller bits but forget to piece them together. Start counting the things in your life which you should be thankful for. I did that today.
I’m grateful for an education, for a family to take care of my needs so I can work for the intellectual (and financial) high that it gives me. For the fact that I am in an environment that intellectually stimulates me enough to have a need to prove myself and work harder- cannot imagine the boredom associated with not having to do that anymore.
I am grateful for friends who trust me enough to remember to call me in their time of need. Even more so for those who complain when I sometime neglect to do the same when I need them. I am blessed for a family that cares enough to want to know about the details of each boring day and to want to advise me as to how it can get better. For a cell phone and mobile connection to connect with people I cannot meet for months together. For friends and family that take me for granted.
I am blessed. I just forget to take a deep breath and put it all together. That’s the difference - it’s half empty when it’s in pieces…together, it a pretty picture that makes me bow in gratitude.
Hum of the day
Life is like needlework. Sowing is just the means- simultaneously enjoyable and arduous. The picture fortunately began pretty and, is always visible for you to see. Just take a glance.
Professionally Personal
Sab neeji hai. That’s my favorite line from Sarkar Raj. Another on exactly the same note is the scene from You’ve Got Mail where Meg Ryan asks Tom Hanks (more or less verbatim) - “why do people always say it’s not personal. All that it means is that it’s not personal to you. It’s personal to someone else. It’s always personal”
Yet, we spend about 80% of our waking hours in an attempt to be professional. Ironic is it not? My company is going through a restructuring whereby new groups are being formed; people are being given options to change teams etc. And that has really got me thinking; because, it’s got me involuntarily hearing. The term competitive corporate world meant little to me for most of my 3 years of being a part of it. Maybe I was just shielded or I chose to turn a blind eye. But this time around, the competition is in my face. I am seeing people at all levels, junior and senior, proving a point, getting their voice heard and showing the next person down (across levels again) – with little regard of the impact it may be having on the other person.
Professional seems to have a new definition. It means knowing what to say, to whom to say it and how to say it; whom to cc and whom to bcc. What to give a verbal response to (and retract later) and what to take in writing. It’s about remembering the right things and of course recognizing what can be utilized at a later stage. It’s all about impressions. I have seen people around me pass other people work off as their own under the guise of helping, of people talking behind the backs of those I thought were friends - seniors bickering and egos clashing. And all I can think is – what of all this behavior is professional.
I may come from a very naive train of though but professional to me meant doing a good honest job- the best job you can do and as per the standards set by the organization. That’s it. That’s where the professional part of work ends. Everything else is just personal.
And what is wrong with that. We are all individuals working. Each one has their own personal reasons for doing the job they are doing. The job has a different meaning for every person – for one it is about proving to be a success, for another, it is money in the bank, and for the third it is just a way to pass their day. And these different agendas must produce a cohesive harmonious work environment. When a job is of personal significance, how can one be detached about it? But then, if that is the case, then a job is more than just a job. And all should not be fair in love and war right? Maybe that’s why it is not. There are lines that should not be crossed. Funny how they have begun to be drawn in chalk.
Hum of the day
The core of what we believe in is blurring under survival tactics. Does anything that’s really fit survive after the tussle? The ability and option to make choices each day thankfully ensure that that decision is not yet made.
Yet, we spend about 80% of our waking hours in an attempt to be professional. Ironic is it not? My company is going through a restructuring whereby new groups are being formed; people are being given options to change teams etc. And that has really got me thinking; because, it’s got me involuntarily hearing. The term competitive corporate world meant little to me for most of my 3 years of being a part of it. Maybe I was just shielded or I chose to turn a blind eye. But this time around, the competition is in my face. I am seeing people at all levels, junior and senior, proving a point, getting their voice heard and showing the next person down (across levels again) – with little regard of the impact it may be having on the other person.
Professional seems to have a new definition. It means knowing what to say, to whom to say it and how to say it; whom to cc and whom to bcc. What to give a verbal response to (and retract later) and what to take in writing. It’s about remembering the right things and of course recognizing what can be utilized at a later stage. It’s all about impressions. I have seen people around me pass other people work off as their own under the guise of helping, of people talking behind the backs of those I thought were friends - seniors bickering and egos clashing. And all I can think is – what of all this behavior is professional.
I may come from a very naive train of though but professional to me meant doing a good honest job- the best job you can do and as per the standards set by the organization. That’s it. That’s where the professional part of work ends. Everything else is just personal.
And what is wrong with that. We are all individuals working. Each one has their own personal reasons for doing the job they are doing. The job has a different meaning for every person – for one it is about proving to be a success, for another, it is money in the bank, and for the third it is just a way to pass their day. And these different agendas must produce a cohesive harmonious work environment. When a job is of personal significance, how can one be detached about it? But then, if that is the case, then a job is more than just a job. And all should not be fair in love and war right? Maybe that’s why it is not. There are lines that should not be crossed. Funny how they have begun to be drawn in chalk.
Hum of the day
The core of what we believe in is blurring under survival tactics. Does anything that’s really fit survive after the tussle? The ability and option to make choices each day thankfully ensure that that decision is not yet made.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Rain Rain Come Again
Monsoons are my spring. There is something about moisture in the air, wet sand and grass and water - lots of it and everywhere. No I do not live in some fantasy world - I do know that water everywhere in reality is murky water logged mucky roads causing hour long traffic jams, muddy shoes and irritable temperaments. But to me- its my spring. It just makes me happy. Despite all the mess.
I may be romanticising it a bit here but to me rains seem to just wash away the past. Its a time for fresh beginnings. The unwanted things that have been conveniently pushed below the surface make an appearance. And when they do- eventually they will be cleaned up. Its like a concept I learnt at AOL- in order for something to bid you goodbye it has to first enter your life and say hi.
We conveniently ignore some things- the baggage piling up in our lives, those cupboards waiting to be sorted, calls waiting to be made, goodbye waiting to be said. And somehow its often not actually finishing these things that is a problem - its the process of beginning the end. Once you take that first step, once that cupboard is emptied- it will be sorted- eventually.
Feng Sui talks of the concept of de-cluttering. How if one aspect of life is clutters, its sort of permeates other aspects. So according to that, messy draws, purses and cupboards are bad news in general from a life perspective. And i usually try and follow that. I'm weird that way. Or then again. Maybe i just try to make sure my life has its regular monsoon- so I can enjoy the simple things without sighing at what surfaces.
Hum of the day
Simple pleasures. The first rain. Sound of raindrops. Children playing with abandon. Laughter from the heart. Monsoons were the most pleasant childhood memories- gum boots, splashing in puddles, sliding down a hill. The smell of monsoon air brings it all back. My childhood returns - it makes me smile.
I may be romanticising it a bit here but to me rains seem to just wash away the past. Its a time for fresh beginnings. The unwanted things that have been conveniently pushed below the surface make an appearance. And when they do- eventually they will be cleaned up. Its like a concept I learnt at AOL- in order for something to bid you goodbye it has to first enter your life and say hi.
We conveniently ignore some things- the baggage piling up in our lives, those cupboards waiting to be sorted, calls waiting to be made, goodbye waiting to be said. And somehow its often not actually finishing these things that is a problem - its the process of beginning the end. Once you take that first step, once that cupboard is emptied- it will be sorted- eventually.
Feng Sui talks of the concept of de-cluttering. How if one aspect of life is clutters, its sort of permeates other aspects. So according to that, messy draws, purses and cupboards are bad news in general from a life perspective. And i usually try and follow that. I'm weird that way. Or then again. Maybe i just try to make sure my life has its regular monsoon- so I can enjoy the simple things without sighing at what surfaces.
Hum of the day
Simple pleasures. The first rain. Sound of raindrops. Children playing with abandon. Laughter from the heart. Monsoons were the most pleasant childhood memories- gum boots, splashing in puddles, sliding down a hill. The smell of monsoon air brings it all back. My childhood returns - it makes me smile.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Lights , camera, action - if only
Words used to come easy to me. Conversational words and most importantly, written words. Off late this has changed. I seem to have run out of things to say. I used to think. About people around me, about what i saw, about what people i knew were going through. In short, I used to think about life- not just my own. But somewhere i seem to have got caught up in my own existence I find my thoughts increasingly preoccupied with myself, my work - my life. And i do not like this change in me.
Yes my job is becoming more demanding; yes I have little room to think in the day, but is that not a choice. I used to consider myself a sort of maverick- someone who could live by my own rules even in a world of madness. But it seems I have surprised myself. In an effort to settle down in a new environment I seem to have lost something - something that made up the essence of me. Then again, if it was so easy to give up maybe it was not the essence of me at all.
I find that thinking seems to get me nowhere. There seems to be so little i can really control. And no matter what i keep saying, the need to control seems to be deeply embedded - in me and in everyone around me.
We control - or we try to control- our lives, professional and personal through a combination fo our thoughts and actions. Its usually our actions. But sometimes, that stray thought you had will come true- that phone will ring, that beep will sound, that email will come- which will be just the person you randomly remembered. These i think are reminders- to restore our faith that, through the madness around, someone is listening- and sometimes, just when you need it most, he will give you that beep to let you know he is listening.
The problem is we try to direct that - to pray, to ask to plead. And that’s, ok. Because if you don’t know what you want, you will not get it. And while going with the flow is fine, a general direction, a decision to cross that rock, to split into those tributaries, to explore that new lane- those decisions lie with us. And knowing that they do, somehow, gives me strength. The strength to keep trying, to keep making those decisions, to attempt to do my bit to give shape to my life. To try and get the life I want.
I look back at a lot of things feeling foolish, but i do not look back wishing I had tried. I thought a direction was right, I thought my life would shape a certain way. While trying, decisions were taken that changed the course. I made more decisions. I keep trying. We all do. Clichés make the world. Clichés give hope. Perhaps hope is the biggest cliché.
Hum of the day
We may be the director of the movie of our lives, but we keep forgetting, it’s being produced by someone else. And we can argue to have our way and we can chose to make things difficult for ourselves, in the end, what the producer believes will yield results is what will be shown. Lucky for us, the producer of life is never wrong.
Yes my job is becoming more demanding; yes I have little room to think in the day, but is that not a choice. I used to consider myself a sort of maverick- someone who could live by my own rules even in a world of madness. But it seems I have surprised myself. In an effort to settle down in a new environment I seem to have lost something - something that made up the essence of me. Then again, if it was so easy to give up maybe it was not the essence of me at all.
I find that thinking seems to get me nowhere. There seems to be so little i can really control. And no matter what i keep saying, the need to control seems to be deeply embedded - in me and in everyone around me.
We control - or we try to control- our lives, professional and personal through a combination fo our thoughts and actions. Its usually our actions. But sometimes, that stray thought you had will come true- that phone will ring, that beep will sound, that email will come- which will be just the person you randomly remembered. These i think are reminders- to restore our faith that, through the madness around, someone is listening- and sometimes, just when you need it most, he will give you that beep to let you know he is listening.
The problem is we try to direct that - to pray, to ask to plead. And that’s, ok. Because if you don’t know what you want, you will not get it. And while going with the flow is fine, a general direction, a decision to cross that rock, to split into those tributaries, to explore that new lane- those decisions lie with us. And knowing that they do, somehow, gives me strength. The strength to keep trying, to keep making those decisions, to attempt to do my bit to give shape to my life. To try and get the life I want.
I look back at a lot of things feeling foolish, but i do not look back wishing I had tried. I thought a direction was right, I thought my life would shape a certain way. While trying, decisions were taken that changed the course. I made more decisions. I keep trying. We all do. Clichés make the world. Clichés give hope. Perhaps hope is the biggest cliché.
Hum of the day
We may be the director of the movie of our lives, but we keep forgetting, it’s being produced by someone else. And we can argue to have our way and we can chose to make things difficult for ourselves, in the end, what the producer believes will yield results is what will be shown. Lucky for us, the producer of life is never wrong.
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