Doing The Right Thing

Our life is about shades of grey. I however, am one of those stubborn people that find it difficult to understand how anyone can live without certain things as a given. For me, as a blanket rule, certain things are good, certain things are bad. Certain things are fine and certain are unacceptable no matter what. To be that is what makes an individual – that is what defines and creates a character and who and what one stands for. But like I said, the world around me is blurred lines.

A son who wanted to help his family but couldn’t, chooses to walk away in frustration. To him, he couldn’t control what he wanted to so it was ok. To me, you don’t walk away no matter what. You stick through certain relationships over time and tide. Because its the right thing to do. Yet, I know, that to the do-er, walking away is equally right – he gets to live his life, they continue the way they are and life moves on. It can seem like a win-win.

At another totally disgusting extreme, a manager makes a pass at a worker in his office. He knows she is sustaining herself financially and in need of money, he knows she is unmarried, his wife is away. He can give her money, a raise and other perks – she gets security and solves her problem, and he solves his. To him I presume, it could appear like a win-win.

The cabbie on the road is stopped; he is asked how much he will charge. He sees opportunity in someone who obviously does not know the ways of the city. He doubles his rate. The person who needs to get somewhere gets there, innocent or uncaring of how much has been paid. The cabbie makes a quick extra buck – it could be a win-win for all.

Life is being increasingly viewed by tinted glasses. Seeing things the way they are no longer appears to be a requirement. The concept of right is right and wrong is wrong does not hold true for an increasing majority. What is right for me is right, and what is wrong for me is wrong is the new way of life. But where does that leave identities and what a person stands for. Perhaps, no one stands for anything anymore – the world is now probably full of chameleons – they stand for grass today and rocks tomorrow.

Hum of the Day

Shades of grey are easy. Mixing any two colours for a new one is also easy because you can choose the quantity of two very different elements and make it what you want. But human beings, humane characteristics’ and fundamental goodness of the soul is not a colour. A character with too many shades mixed together is just murky. Each one needs to stand for something or soon, no one will know where anyone stands- including themselves.

Work, Play and The Journey In Between

“Find work that feels like play”. Wise words by my latest “crush” – Richard Castle – Writer by vocation, detective my hobby/research requirement/love interests and father to a teenage girl. He is a deductive detective, an astute writer and has some keen observations on the human mind. Needless to say – for those who are uninitiated into his world – he is a fictional character on a tv series!

Me and the husband have been addicted to the show for a while now – the characters, the chemistry, the study of the human mind – murder mysteries is just a nice by-product. But what has really struck a chord with me is the passion that Castle has for what he does. The character eats sleeps and lives to write. He fights crime so he can write about it (and impress his “muse” of course). But he loves what he does. He wants to write. To make people get into the mind of his characters, to be real to understand the tiniest nuances of the human mind. That’s what writing is to me. That’s probably what I love about the series. A writer who loves story telling – and those can be mutually exclusive concepts.

I have always liked words and writing. Do I have a story in me I don’t know. But I dream that someday I will.  For now, I know that I enjoy observing people, I used to study body language and I used to wonder what makes the human mind tick. In a phase of life where I am figuring out what to do with myself given the limited life choices I have, this may be a good time to get back to basics – back to what I loved always – books, human behaviour and words.  So I am restarting my book blog, finding sites on human behaviour and hoping to blog more often. Baby steps but since I love all three who know where it could get me!

Hum of the Day

Maybe childhood is when we do what we love with the most passion. Maybe life gives us second chances to go back to what we love at our chore. Even if not as a vocation – getting back to what feels like play can only be an enjoyable experience.

Comfortable Skin

Often, I have given touted the importance of “being comfortable in your own skin”. But, off late, it is gaining a new significance. Back when I was about 23, I recall reading somewhere about how this age group – 20 to 30 – is one of unending change and that with each year you add on, you will change in ways that even you can’t exactly comprehend. I absorbed the words but never really paid any attention. But today, when I have crossed the big 30 mark, I wish that I had paid more heed. And I don’t say this because of the significance of that age, I say this because paying heed to one’s life changes, internal and external, becomes about survival of sanity.

When I was younger, I dreamt some dreams, I saw a certain life, and I thought I was a certain person. As I kept adding on experience, somewhere, life and circumstances required changes. I may have gone with the flow and embraced those changes, but somewhere, I forgot to acknowledge what had changed in my core. As a consequence, unknowingly, I became uncomfortable in my own skin. Because my mind believed I wanted something, but my life and core, had gone ahead and shifted.

I see myself, and so many friends, struggling with the changes that life is putting before us all- changes in all forms, shapes and sizes. Some changes have been by choice, some by chance and some by force.  But the result is the same – a shift of core circumstances.

Accepting this for the world is one thing, but like my father always tells me - end of the day, you answer only to yourself, that’s the one set of eyes and heart that cannot be fooled and simultaneously allow you to have a good night’s sleep. 

Our circle, whatever and whomever that comprises of, is a major influence in both changes and change acceptance. That’s where it becomes vital for your own skin to fit you well. That skin which knows your core, that skin which knows your insecurities that know how desperate you feel that you cannot control the way life is taking you or where it is taking you. That skin needs to know that you will look after it and understand it. That even if it’s just you, only you, you will be ok because you both fit well together. You are comfortable by yourself, with whom you were, are and are going to become. Only then, will life allow you down a path that you can walk fearlessly – because you are enough for you. A hand to hold, a hand on you head and laughter by your side is always welcome, required and even craved for. But even without, you with you – that’s ok too.

Hum of the day

Relationships carve our lives, shape who we are and often guide where we go and even where we want to go. But I have been wondering why, in the maintenance of so many relationships, we lose connect with who we are. It’s almost like saying I want to stitch a beautiful scarf but ooops, I forgot to tie the first knot strong enough. Pretty silly huh?

Just Like That

Just like that I smiled 

Just like that a thought

Just like that a whisper in my head

Just like that the smile was gone

Just like that a soft breeze I felt

Just like that a sense of ease it left

Just like that my heart felt light

Just like that I smiled that smile

Hum of the Day

It takes almost nothing to bring a smile, nothing to take it away and a choice to let in the breeze. 

Finding My Peace, Accepting My Home

They say home is where the heart is. Well about two months ago I took a decision to follow my heart and now, after a year of a long distance marriage, here I am – home.

Life has come to a full circle for me, yet it has stood absolutely still. But oddly enough, this year, while apparently futile, has had an impact in ways that I am still trying to understand. 

As enumerated extensively in my previous ranting, change and I have never been good friends. And my compulsive need to strive for the perfect situation just adds to my angst because in times of uncertainty (and otherwise I now realise) those neat packages are an oasis.

For a long time, I had a sense of unease. That something was missing. I spent a lot of time questioning every aspect of my life – career, marriage, long term goals and lofty things like meaning of life, what I need to be happy, etc – the list was long and endless.  Then I chose to dramatically defy the obvious flow of my life and move myself hoping that cosmic forces would relent to my perseverance. They instead chose to teach me the things i needed to know the most – I call it my seven step peace guide.

1. Life has its flow and yet, we have the power to change that flow. The caveat is that we have to live with the implications of that change.
2. The change of flow happens only for you. So all other events related to everyone in your life stay the same – leading to a weird, tumultuous life
3. The way you have envisaged life is not the ideal
4. When life forces decisions on you, it also gives you the power to open your eyes to whole new possibilities
5. You have to develop your ability to accept new possibilities on your own – no help available from any forces
6. Uncertainty or possibilities – the choice is your own. As a child you chose possibilities. As an adult – choose wisely again
7. All pieces of life never ever fall in place at the same time. The process is a slow step-by-step one. But for anything to fall in place, you have to fix one move, take one step and make that a pivot for other steps to follow

Hum Of The Day:

There has been a change within me. A shift towards peace, towards acceptance and towards freedom – freedom to dream new dreams, to take on a new course of life, to explore options I never knew existed. To reignite the childlike happiness in the fact that life is what I make it. I have the power back – and I will slowly unleash my dreams one day at a time.

Lessons from Cougar Town

I recently saw this hilarious episode of Cougar Town where Jennifer Anniston is Courtney Cox’s shrink. Cox is delighted as to who her new shrink really gets her” and seems to have been there done that. Turns out, that Anniston was a loony who had assumed that Cox’s relationship with her son was easily equated with her own relationship with her dog – and on finding this out, Cox of course blows up and the shrink is out of her life.

Storyline aside, that got me thinking. We all crave empathy – to have someone who gets us, und3erstands what we have been through and therefore does not judge our emotions, does not ridicule their depth and makes us feel less crazy in a mad mad world. And usually, if get the understanding, and don’t feel crazy, we assume the situation would have been the same. End of the day, we all just crave acceptance and acknowledgement that what we feel is OK.  

So often I’m told learn to live for yourself, but “myself” is me plus the world. There is no me in isolation. The very notion of a person, without attachments, relationships, expectations, desires, and opinions – is not even human. To have a life where you do not care for any of those expectations and opinions that come with those relationships is just sad.

And no one wants sadness. So we choose acceptance as a goal. From spouses, friends, family, colleagues, bosses – anyone or maybe even all of the above! And if we get a ray of empathy through the process, it’s like balm on a wound. My only question is – why don’t more of us just carry balm and pass it along instead of waiting for someone to hand it to us.

Hum of the day:
Life is what and who you fill your days with. Consider it a blessing or a curse – the choice is yours. Just like loneliness.  Rights, privileges, obligations and responsibility – you cant choose one half without the other.

Looking for the shades of life

It’s not about you versus me
It’s not even just about us
It’s not about us versus them
It’s just about having some trust

See the world from a happy place

Stand for the truth
Stand for your view
Learn to stand at your own pace

Truth and lies

Good and bad
Happy and sad
White and black

I’m looking for that shade of grey

That blends between two worlds
I’m trying to show you colours can mix
I’m trying to help us paint our world

It’s easy – then again I guess it could be difficult. It’s all about how you want to view things. That’s a cliché I know and I usually don’t like to get banal enough to use clichés but sometimes, a cliché is all you have.

We all seem to have our world defined, how we like it, how it should be and how it really is. All the lines are drawn. But somehow, when you step back you realise, there are too many lines, and in isolation, they may make sense, but as a whole, it’s a maze of inter twined threads.

Hum of the day:

How often does one think of life as a journey to fight the world, to win, to get ahead – the list is long. I may be very simplistic, but to me, life is not a war or battle ground. It’s just life. I want to live it, not fight it. I want to live like I learnt to in kindergarten on simple rules. The world is a good place. People are good. We all play together. We have our friends but that does not make anyone an enemy. We don’t judge, we don’t hold grudges. We live by the heart and risk everything. But we live.

Being the change

“Life can be strange” – how often do most of us repeat this phrase? Off late I think life is not strange. Life just is what it is. Life. The perspective on being strange or otherwise comes from our preconceived notions about what life should be. But life doesn’t listen. It has a mind and heart of its own. And an uncanny amount of resilience to go just the way it wants to – despite all of our ranting and raving to the contrary.

But Life, it’s accommodating as well – but only when we give up ranting, raving and complaining and we start doing. Want a change – be the change!

For the longest time I complained about my life. About all the changes that have been overwhelming me. Then, when I reached my threshold of tolerance, something arose from within me and I made changes. Changes that have been far from easy, changes that make me often wake up every single morning and wonder why I made them; changes that make me want to pack my bags and move back to the life that I moved on from. Yet, the same changes, are taking me to a place I wanted to be.But now, I want other things. The very things that I complained about!

Life decided to teach me appreciation - for life as it is, when it is and the way it is. It decided to teach me perspective on the big picture and on how the small things really do sort out. And if you chase the small things, the big things become blurry. But most importantly, life has taught me that it will be. The way it is meant to be based on my actions and reactions – verbal and unsaid. But the good news is , while I change, so will the thoughts in my head – and with that, I can guide my life to the way I want it to be.

Hum of the day

Meandering along the way, changing, adapting and re-shaping at its own will - perhaps that will is mine and I don’t know it.

How are you feeling emotionally?

Listened to the heart
Felt the cracks and pain
Listened to the head
Experienced it all over again

How are you feeling emotionally?
I wish I had a clue
The heart and head cannot be in tandem
I do the best that I can do

A new place a new home
A craving to be with the old
An old place a familiar life
A story left untold

A dream I used to dream
A dream it is no more
A life I used to want
Emotions I need to store

How are you feeling emotionally?
Lost, alone and afraid
I took the steps I needed to
But life is now a careful tread

I move on each day
Hope for a move of change
I stand still every day
Afraid of things unsaid

A new perspective on how I see things
A settlement for which I used to crave
The door opened with unusual ease
Acknowledgement of errors made

I dream a new dream
A breath of air I want to call my own
The wind is yet to catch my wing
But now I am not alone

How are you feeling emotionally?
Certain, uncertain, happy and afraid
Choosing emotions each day
Waiting for the smile, waiting for the unsaid

Hum of the day
Sometimes I can’t acknowledge what’s inside me. Sometimes I don’t want to. Sometimes it all overwhelms me, at times I want to let go.

Fun, Family and Cricket

I have never been into cricket. But having been married to a man who loves the game enough to follow almost all matches on a website no matter where he is, I have started to understand the game as well – and today I am so glad that I changed my stance on the game.


I am sitting in Bombay while my husband is in Kuwait and I completely enjoyed watching the match with him for company. I allowed myself to be enthusiastic and cheer and groan – and effectively used technology to communicate the same (messengers like whatsapp are a blessing!). And watching the match today, has unleashed something in me.

After a really long time, here I was, with my family, my nieces, my sister, brother in-law and mom, on a hot hot weekday, sitting at home watching India beat Pakistan. The match was one part, the really pathetic jokes we cracked, the random laughter, the lightness the day has brought to me is indescribably in so many ways.

I laughed. For silly reasons. I smiled, for no reason. And just like that. I found my way back home – finally.

Hum of the day

Sport is powerful. Perhaps the passion, sense of belonging and need to cheer something on is what gives it that power. I want to turn life into sport.