A Piece Of Me

The other day, an acquaintance who is four months away from marriage, no job and a new country, was telling me about how scary the thought of so many changes is. She had it all planned in her head: she would take whatever job she got, make sure she had her own set up and her own identity. She did not want to give away who she was.  It was imperative that a sense of who she was be retained. In the end, that was what would help her to keep her feet on the ground and hold on while change swept over her life.

It got me thinking – this time not about change. My thoughts were more in line with adaptability of our own sense of who we are. If someone asked any of us to turn back time, perhaps we would do some things differently. But my feeling is, most people, if they look at themselves objectively, would be happy with who they have become as a result of all the mistakes, good judgments and life experiences.

I know I gave up multiple pieces of me – sometimes parts of my behavior, sometimes my beliefs, sometimes work, friends – the list is actually long. But what is equally long is what I got for each piece I gave – it was a new piece, a new perspective, new thought, new pattern, a new way of life. And it was as much my choice as the rest of my life has been. 

Did the core of me change? Yes it did. But was it at the cost of my identity? No it was not. Because your identity is what you decide it is. You could be a banker, a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor. You will always be that internally – it’s your training and thoughts which were tailored in addition to a degree and education. No one can take that training away from you.

Sometimes, life may force you to use those very skills to do other things. Often, it may give you a chance to convert a talent into a profession or even discover a new talent. It can be a new way of doing old things or doing new things an old way. But all of that, each step you take, does not take away pieces of you – it just shows you new facets, new choices and a new identity.  No one can ever take away who you are – not a spouse, not a job and not a new life. Because, “who you are”,  is not constant. And it should not be.

Hum of The Day

I am who I want to be. Who I am is not, should not, and cannot be dictated by the profession I choose, where I live, who my family is. Identity is far deeper than society. We mistake pieces of us with pieces of our social lives.  Yes these pieces are like those of a jigsaw puzzle that forms the complete picture – but in life, those pieces are far more easily molded than we think. In the end, the picture will always be complete if you give up and re-mold the facets of you wisely.