Being the change

“Life can be strange” – how often do most of us repeat this phrase? Off late I think life is not strange. Life just is what it is. Life. The perspective on being strange or otherwise comes from our preconceived notions about what life should be. But life doesn’t listen. It has a mind and heart of its own. And an uncanny amount of resilience to go just the way it wants to – despite all of our ranting and raving to the contrary.

But Life, it’s accommodating as well – but only when we give up ranting, raving and complaining and we start doing. Want a change – be the change!

For the longest time I complained about my life. About all the changes that have been overwhelming me. Then, when I reached my threshold of tolerance, something arose from within me and I made changes. Changes that have been far from easy, changes that make me often wake up every single morning and wonder why I made them; changes that make me want to pack my bags and move back to the life that I moved on from. Yet, the same changes, are taking me to a place I wanted to be.But now, I want other things. The very things that I complained about!

Life decided to teach me appreciation - for life as it is, when it is and the way it is. It decided to teach me perspective on the big picture and on how the small things really do sort out. And if you chase the small things, the big things become blurry. But most importantly, life has taught me that it will be. The way it is meant to be based on my actions and reactions – verbal and unsaid. But the good news is , while I change, so will the thoughts in my head – and with that, I can guide my life to the way I want it to be.

Hum of the day

Meandering along the way, changing, adapting and re-shaping at its own will - perhaps that will is mine and I don’t know it.

How are you feeling emotionally?

Listened to the heart
Felt the cracks and pain
Listened to the head
Experienced it all over again

How are you feeling emotionally?
I wish I had a clue
The heart and head cannot be in tandem
I do the best that I can do

A new place a new home
A craving to be with the old
An old place a familiar life
A story left untold

A dream I used to dream
A dream it is no more
A life I used to want
Emotions I need to store

How are you feeling emotionally?
Lost, alone and afraid
I took the steps I needed to
But life is now a careful tread

I move on each day
Hope for a move of change
I stand still every day
Afraid of things unsaid

A new perspective on how I see things
A settlement for which I used to crave
The door opened with unusual ease
Acknowledgement of errors made

I dream a new dream
A breath of air I want to call my own
The wind is yet to catch my wing
But now I am not alone

How are you feeling emotionally?
Certain, uncertain, happy and afraid
Choosing emotions each day
Waiting for the smile, waiting for the unsaid

Hum of the day
Sometimes I can’t acknowledge what’s inside me. Sometimes I don’t want to. Sometimes it all overwhelms me, at times I want to let go.

Fun, Family and Cricket

I have never been into cricket. But having been married to a man who loves the game enough to follow almost all matches on a website no matter where he is, I have started to understand the game as well – and today I am so glad that I changed my stance on the game.


I am sitting in Bombay while my husband is in Kuwait and I completely enjoyed watching the match with him for company. I allowed myself to be enthusiastic and cheer and groan – and effectively used technology to communicate the same (messengers like whatsapp are a blessing!). And watching the match today, has unleashed something in me.

After a really long time, here I was, with my family, my nieces, my sister, brother in-law and mom, on a hot hot weekday, sitting at home watching India beat Pakistan. The match was one part, the really pathetic jokes we cracked, the random laughter, the lightness the day has brought to me is indescribably in so many ways.

I laughed. For silly reasons. I smiled, for no reason. And just like that. I found my way back home – finally.

Hum of the day

Sport is powerful. Perhaps the passion, sense of belonging and need to cheer something on is what gives it that power. I want to turn life into sport.

Live and let live

“Live and Let Live” – a phrase that is simple, profound and perhaps one of the easiest life philosophies to tout while being among the most difficult to implement. I am actually beginning to wonder if it ever happens - unless the person you are letting live, is of no significance to you whatsoever. That then, defeats the true meaning of the statement.

I used to believe that the concept was close to my heart, but off-late, I find myself discovering new facets about myself – or perhaps I am learning to recognize and acknowledge the facets that were always there but I never liked. And that’s when I start to wonder, why these concepts which are esoteric and impractical to implement, were created to begin with. Maybe, their only aim is to be a goal by themselves, something similar to aiming for stars just to make sure you don’t end up with dust!

To live and let live, the fundamental requirement is to live yourself. Now that is possible only if the people around you, give you that freedom to live your life the way you want. Yes, they will have opinions, yes they will disagree, but as long as you can live and make your own decisions without any second guessing for opinions and ideas, only then, are you living yourself. After you achieve this, then you can think of letting another live.

Do you see where I am going with this? It’s a circular loop. You need to live to let others live and you need others to let you live in order to live. A fundamental fallacy!

Reality is opinionated interactions, judgments – on lifestyle, on thoughts, on ideas. And to add to this, usually, if it’s a close relationship, it often involves a need to change the above in the other person. So you want the other one to live, but on terms you are comfortable with, probably in the hope that if they do the same, you will be allowed to live. It’s all crazy and circular.

Acceptance is perhaps an easier path. And acceptance requires a fundamental understanding of the difference between acceptance and compromise. Acceptance is seeing that the other person has a point, which makes sense, given the way that person is and it means being able to respect that point and realize that no matter how close you are, you are individuals delineated at a fundamental level. Compromise on the other hand brings bitterness and a sense that you would have liked better, but the other person has a limit and not all can be changed.

I wish acceptance was easy. It comes only with a deep understanding and an intuitive sense of stability about oneself. But I like the fact that it comes with time. That slowly, seeing another person’s perspective is not so difficult. You just need to clear up the clutter in your own. It really is a chicken and egg situation but one does not necessarily need to debate which needs to come first. Be the chicken or be the egg the ultimate result is the same.

Hum of the Day

Making the first move is never easy – especially when there is no race to be won. Results are not always palpable but it’s not the moved mountain that matters, but the intention and action towards making that move that often works the wonders you are looking for. Understanding is potent, mix it up with compassion and empathy and enjoy the heady cocktail of human relationships.

Going the distance

“Even an infant needs to cry in order to get its food” - A passing observation by my mother when my new-born niece was bawling because she was hungry. Simple, but profoundly true! Beginning with our basic need for food, a living being needs to make their presence felt, and vociferously voice what he/she believes is a birth right and essential for survival. It’s then a little wonder that for the rest of our lives, life really feels like we need to consistently find that next thing to make noise about!

Set goals, decide what you want and go get it. This is probably the most rudimentary tenet most of us have heard. The underlying premise is that at any point, there needs to be a goal and that that very goal needs to be met and a sense of achievement needs to follow. When that’s done, move on to the next one.

I was thinking about the above stuff when I read this beautiful and insightful article on the concept of “Enough”. It talks about how, we are all hankering for more, and that while needs are fulfilled, greed rarely is. Yet, the concept of just living, aimlessly, is elusive to most, a dream to some and perhaps pointless to some.

I think I am slowly drifting towards that last category. Having been on a “career break” for about 4 months now, I began the stint with the blissful aim of being aimless. Today, all I want is to figure out an aim and to achieve it.

For the longest time in my life, I used to plan everything – and usually my plans have been based on best case scenarios and on what I believe is most appropriate and practical. Today, I just plan simple things - for tomorrow I will eat only one sweet thing, I will walk at least 20 minutes etc. And then I achieve that, and I feel I am again worthy of a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow, when I achieve the above, it may still have its charm, but I am assuming that 10 days later, I will want to aim higher.

The concept of going the distance used to mean something else to mean. It meant big things, big plans and magnificent dreams. Today on the other hand, it’s simple things. Makes me wonder if I have become too cynical! My husband’s most motivational line is “Because we dream so we do”. For me, I just want to think less, plan small and achieve what I can. Perhaps that will give me the strength to look at longer distances and cross those boundaries as well.

Hum of the day

I planned to live a life; I lived the life in my head. Implementation needed changes; I needed comfort of the known. The known can be uneasy, the unknown brings in hope. I’m still using training wheels to teach me to slowly live that life I dreamt of. I know that if I can just take small steps, my dreams and reality may just intersect.

The Chicken, The Egg And Other Such Stuff

The other day someone sent me this link of this brilliant youtube video of a stand-up artist who very eloquently describes the differences between the male and female brain. According to him, the brain of a man is clearly compartmentalized into little drawers – one for the office, one for the wife, one for kid 1, one for kid 2, one for mother-in-law, etc. This, also allows for a brilliant space called the “nothing box” where, well, men think of nothing or rather don’t think. This is unfathomable to a woman according to him. Because, women, have a mesh of wires as against neat compartments where nothing touches. In a woman’s mind, everything is related to everything. And as per me, his analysis is bang on.


So here is my typical thought process – ill get fit if I have time, but to have time I need to quit work, but when I quit work I get bored, when I get bored I get depressed, when I get depressed, I eat – or fight with my poor bewildered husband, so maybe I should try and get fit when I am working? But then how will I find time – welcome back to square 1! Or, we need to stop fighting about petty stuff, it’s the fact that I am bored and depressed where I am, the solution is to move out of here. But there is no way out immediately available, so I need to be patient and make use of the time effectively so that my energy is channelized productively, what can I do? Oh, get fit - welcome back to square 1.

Yes, I am more than a little mad I think. But then again, it becomes a situation of which thread to work on first, what causes the situation. But how do you tackle it when you don’t know what’s caused it to begin with. It’s a multitude of things, all connected and a single incorrect move, sets it all on fire resulting in a mental short circuit!

Which brings me to my question – what comes first, chicken or egg? Should I wait for someone else’s life to guide mine or take mine in control, but eventually I will have to factor in someone else’s life. It’s all too complicated at times and perhaps, we all need a nothing box to just go into, breathe, and come out of. To be able to realize that sometimes, being random with deliberation IS the only key – in other words, pick one thread, work on it. Does not matter which because if everything is connection, somehow, one thread can sort it all! Hopefully!

We (men and women) spend a lot of time often deliberating the what-ifs and tossing around the if-only hat. Maybe, if we just moved – with or without a plan – just did what needed to be done at that given point, and left it up to time to take care of other things, maybe, one wire at a time, we could ensure that the loop that leads to a short-circuit is broken somewhere.

Hum of the day

We are all connected to others in our lives. Our thoughts and various aspects of life are connected. However, sometimes, you need to break the loop internally, to ensure that all the connections are safe.