Life or something like it

For the past month or so, we have had a spate of man-films. Action-packed punches, guns and abusive language. At its best it was thrillers, murders or episodes of “Castle”. To add to it, I picked up “House of Silk” – the new Sherlock Homes novel. All gripping, all interesting, all absorbing – but all mind-twisting as well. I started to feel like I was living on the sets of an action movie and even in my sleep, all I see is stuff about murders, lawsuits and unpleasant things. So, yesterday, I decided that I had enough (we saw the Dark Knight Rises).

Two new girlfriends and I made a plan to go see what we thought was a chick-flick. “Ted” turned out to be the worst movie I have seen in my life. It actually may have been the worst movie the three of us have see collectively – and yes we walked out.

But, turned out, today I seem to have found a life – or something like it. The movie was preceded by lunch at a nice continental restaurant and lots of female chatter and coffee. It was followed up with more chatter and coffee – a session that ended because our husbands beckoned. I think I made two new “friends” today in a more real sense than I expected to.

“Life” as I had planned it included a career, a certain environment and a whole lot of things. But today, I found that I had most of it. No career – but that will happen soon. In the interim, in a new country I have a group of friends; I have places to go and things to enjoy. I have laughter in the day; I have people to at least vent a little with. I have a small sense of a life other than my husband. That may not be “the life” but it’s a life. And it’s a life worth living.

Hum of the Day

Everyone says attitude is what shapes your life. To me it’s not attitude, its expectations - tempered expectations and a willing to face life head on with all that it offers. I no longer want to fear what life holds for me and I don’t want to plan and expect certain things to happen. I feared the time on my hands and decided to start my day early and meet that fear head on. I did not expect anything more than acquaintances but found friends. Life may not be what we expect but perhaps life as is comes is life as we all know it. We just need to embrace it. 

What next?

Yesterday, on our way to see The Dark Night Rises, we were listening to music in the car. Or, more accurately, my husband was trying to listen to music while all I could do was flick “seek track” to see which song was next. I would zero in on one I liked, and the 30-40 seconds later, I was “seeking” again. Everyone has a “thing” which defines their most quirky quirk – that’s mine: impatience and an inability to see anything through to an end!

My mom also pointed it out to me the other day – so must be some truth. I have started innumerable diets with great enthusiasm and never stuck through any. I usually started studying a new topic with a thirst for knowledge but ended up turning to water to quench it about two pages down the book. Even at work, initially I will love it, and then I will get bored. Oh and “Bored” is my almost permanent status update! So yes, fact proven – I’m impatient, bored and a quitter.

But I no longer want to be. And this time I think it may be possible. This time, I am taking baby steps, I am doing small things and not getting over enthusiastic about anything – apathetic maybe and unhealthy to the naked eye; but, what works for me may not work for another and vice-versa.

I have often looked at others lives and thought that something of what they had looks good. I hope there are others looking at me that way as well. Who says that grass is greener on the other side can only mean that it’s pointless to aspire for something which is not a part of you because it’s a package deal. Perhaps it’s not as good as it seems but it may be better in some ways; it could be possible to tweak the package to take some good that comes with the acceptable bad. And that’s what I am now aiming at. Picking the things I see around me that are greener than my grass, allowing myself to want it and then taking baby steps to get it.

Hum of the Day

In line with my Nike themed life, if you don’t see, you won’t know. If you won’t know, you won’t want. If you want, move to get it. Aim for the stars, move to the target, and don’t give up till you get somewhere. It may not be heaven but look down and you’re away from the dirt. 

Simplifying "Musings"

Since childhood I have been a voracious reader - and have also been gifted with the ability to use complicated words, speak and write in long sentences and essentially exterminate any possible simplicity in my life. This filters down to complicated thoughts, thinking about things not worth the effort and worrying and analyzing endlessly.

I think one of my first few posts or articles used the word "musing". My sister was innately amused and called me to laugh at inability to use simple words. I went on to marry a man whose life mantra is "keep things simple". Poor guy did not know what he was in for.

For the longest time, writing was cathartic and somewhere and somehow, I used complicated words to simplify my complicated thoughts. Then, in my head, my life got too complicated for words and I pretty much stopped writing - except sporadically when I felt a wave of fresh air or some hope in my life.

Then today, sitting at my window, staring at the muddy Bahraini concrete around me, I realized that life is not worth all that incessant musing. I was remembered a dialogue from a new series I like to watch "Bunheads" - "Sometimes, there aren't words which are enough. Sometimes, there is nothing to day -you have to do something" (that's my interpretation of what I remember of it).

Simple words. Simple thought. Very effective.

Life is not complicated, life is not boring and its not monotonous or frustrating - unless you choose to make it that way. And like all choices, those choices are also what we live with and those are the choices we answer to when we look in the mirror.

So instead of saying and planning and thinking - I've started doing. I have started using the gym,eating healthier, reading, dreaming (not planning) and just doing what I need to for that dream life to come true.

Do I have time on my hands - "yes" if I see it as a void and "no" if I acknowledge the number of books I still want to read, the weight I want to lose, the health I want to gain, the knowledge I want to enhance and the experience I want to live.

Hum of the Day

Actions speak louder than words. They resonate in your being more than any words can. Your "being" will thank you for it - for a someone once said, we regret what we don't do more than what we do. So as Nike profoundly says "Just Do It".

P&G's First Kitchen Date

For a long time now, I noticed that I have friends across various countries in similar personal situations as me - relocation due to marriage and all that comes with it. The most significant thing that comes with it is time. Lots of it. Suddenly the fact that a day has early morning, morning, mid morning, afternoon, mid-afternoon, late afternoon, early evening and "husband home" time, is a new reality! Anyway, what is common across most of my friends and acquaintances thrown into this world is a new found or reignited love for cooking. 

If you read G's post on our history (http://timesunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/08/kitchen-date-with-friend.html), why she would be the one to inspire me becomes obvious. Basically, one afternoon skype and coffee session where I was grumbling about not doing anything constructive I asked her for recipes and she came up with this idea. Trust her and only her to know just what i probably needed to bring sanity to me at that time. 

I already cook - I'm just an amateur cook and tend to experiment around. But this time we set a recipe, a day-range and we both would cook - and blog about it. So as promised to her, this blog is about our first kitchen date :)

We chose to make Short Bread Fingers as per this recipe:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/shortbread_1290

I was full of good intentions but Friday is a weekend for us in the middle east and I postponed our date to Saturday.

Come Saturday, I decided to add a Pasta to the menu - so my husband got fed home made cookies and pasta for dinner :)

The recipe seemed simple enough and I've baked cookies earlier -- not sure these were supposed to be cookies though. Anyway, i added the butter and sugar and found its smelling funny so I improvised. I added in some vanilla essence and coffee. Then came the dough which wasn't turning into anything but powder, so i added milk.

With great excitement I had bought all the cookware - orange silicone bake ware  and some shape cutters. 

I used all, and put it into the over. Looked OK enough

I also made a spice indian pasta. Pink Sauce, Green Onions, Capsicum, Brocolli and mushroom. Its one of my "signature" dishes.

The result? The cookies were hard and some of them were a bit too thick - but the taste was great. So my improvisation wasn't bad!

Pasta - well it had a spicy indian flavour but we both loved it.

All in all a fun day - great concept and I see why turmoil, food and cooking go hand in hand.

Hum of the Day

When I found the cookie dough smelling odd, I knew it wasn't the way i wanted it. I knew what to do, I knew that a dash of vanilla and coffee is a good cure all. I wish I could handle life that way. I could be on control and know the quick-fixes. For now, I am happy that in my Kitchen, I am. Baby steps.

 

Gourmets, Foodies and the Journey In-between

I like to eat. And I have ample amplitude to prove it and assumed that I was a foodie.  As per Wikipedia, foodies want to learn everything about food, both the best and the ordinary, and about the science, industry, and personalities surrounding food. Gourmets on the other hand apparently, simply want to eat the best food. I, it appears, am neither. I just like to eat - often the same things, in varied quantities, with similar set tastes.

What got me thinking on these lines was this new series I have started enjoying – My Kitchen Rules.  It is a cooking competition where teams of two compete among themselves for a 3-5 course meal. The meals are judged on various parameters other than taster- presentation, texture of teh food, the way the flavours mix together, and even how the whole menu blends with each course. It sort of opened my eyes to the fact that cooking is a science and that flavours are unique and each flavour has to be uniquely appreciated. If even on flavour is overwhelming, it makes for a bad dish

Being Indian, my palette is evidently too accustomed to spices and a single overwhelming taste of the same mixtures. Anything else is bland. 

My life story is also similar. I am used to action, I am used to activity and I am used to too many things mixing into each other.  So now I am seeking bland – appreciation and small steps towards a comprehensive menu. And, I am also changing the way I cook – which means the masalas are going down, new food is being tried and my poor husband who loves his desi palette is left wondering why I ever watched My Kitchen Rules!

Hum Of The Day

My life recipe always involved work, traffic, transport, haggling, stress, tension and a general fight for time. I assumed that how life works. Then I saw a different life, tasted a new way of living, and somehow, I am appreciating the subtle flavours - the flavour of having time; the flavour of pursuing my own interests; the flavour of learning my interests – and learning that all of this does not have to mesh into one blurred day into the other. I could turn into a lifeie. Or at least try to.

Analysis, Assessment And Choice Paralysis

Is it worth it? Just how often do so many of us ask ourselves this question on a variety of issues. And usually we try to tell ourselves that end of the day, all things considered, what we are assessing is worth it. I am beginning to think that this happens only because we want what we are assessing and are just trying to get our rational mind to give the great “OK”. Its how the trained logical mind buys itself peace.

Life isn’t perfect – in fact far from it. Usually, what we want comes attached with a lot of things we don’t want. Sometimes, it comes attached with insufficient amount of some things we want and extra amounts of what we didn’t ask for. And that’s where the whole worth assessment begins.

You like your job but don’t love it. You like your boss but he is often a pain. The current project is horrendous and you are stuck on it for a year. End of the day is it worth it? This question uncannily props up when an increment, promotion or bonus has not gone your way – or if what you believed was yours went to someone else. 

You love your spouse but marriage is hard work. He takes care of you but not in all the ways you want him to. He can be insensitive, naive and aloof. He can also be thoughtful, considerate and caring in ways you never thought of. Makes you wonder if the package of ups and downs is worth it.

The new job offer you got is great, if only they gave you that little bit more. That higher designation, that higher increment – are all the changes worth it?

Ever wondered how come we never assess if dealing with our family, siblings and friends is worth it? Why exiting from a family business and what’s your “own” is rarely a question that crops up. Those relations also have ups and downs – but why don’t we consider turning those down.  Those are always worth it aren’t they?

Then is it that we assess the worth of things we believe we have options for? Are we starting to give ourselves options for too many things? Maybe anchoring down, taking what comes our way and making the most of it is a better way to be at peace. I'm not saying don’t seek more, but creating choices in situations where there is no need for assessment is a mighty big waste of time. Perhaps taking a deep breath, rubbing your hands for energy and just getting up and dealing with what’s on the plate is what automatically makes things “worth it”. Worth after all is relative – just like beauty. You have to assess the whole package in the context of your whole life.

Hum of the Day

I read somewhere that ours is a generation that has too many choices. Not only do I agree, but I now feel that we assess and reassess when there are no real choices. Something is a choice when you can say no or if something else belongs to you. In all other situations, it’s not a choice and therefore not worth assessing. Accepting is a word we all need to slowly learn. And have faith in ourselves that when the time to really say no comes, we will know and there will be no assessment.

Doing The Right Thing

Our life is about shades of grey. I however, am one of those stubborn people that find it difficult to understand how anyone can live without certain things as a given. For me, as a blanket rule, certain things are good, certain things are bad. Certain things are fine and certain are unacceptable no matter what. To be that is what makes an individual – that is what defines and creates a character and who and what one stands for. But like I said, the world around me is blurred lines.

A son who wanted to help his family but couldn’t, chooses to walk away in frustration. To him, he couldn’t control what he wanted to so it was ok. To me, you don’t walk away no matter what. You stick through certain relationships over time and tide. Because its the right thing to do. Yet, I know, that to the do-er, walking away is equally right – he gets to live his life, they continue the way they are and life moves on. It can seem like a win-win.

At another totally disgusting extreme, a manager makes a pass at a worker in his office. He knows she is sustaining herself financially and in need of money, he knows she is unmarried, his wife is away. He can give her money, a raise and other perks – she gets security and solves her problem, and he solves his. To him I presume, it could appear like a win-win.

The cabbie on the road is stopped; he is asked how much he will charge. He sees opportunity in someone who obviously does not know the ways of the city. He doubles his rate. The person who needs to get somewhere gets there, innocent or uncaring of how much has been paid. The cabbie makes a quick extra buck – it could be a win-win for all.

Life is being increasingly viewed by tinted glasses. Seeing things the way they are no longer appears to be a requirement. The concept of right is right and wrong is wrong does not hold true for an increasing majority. What is right for me is right, and what is wrong for me is wrong is the new way of life. But where does that leave identities and what a person stands for. Perhaps, no one stands for anything anymore – the world is now probably full of chameleons – they stand for grass today and rocks tomorrow.

Hum of the Day

Shades of grey are easy. Mixing any two colours for a new one is also easy because you can choose the quantity of two very different elements and make it what you want. But human beings, humane characteristics’ and fundamental goodness of the soul is not a colour. A character with too many shades mixed together is just murky. Each one needs to stand for something or soon, no one will know where anyone stands- including themselves.

Work, Play and The Journey In Between

“Find work that feels like play”. Wise words by my latest “crush” – Richard Castle – Writer by vocation, detective my hobby/research requirement/love interests and father to a teenage girl. He is a deductive detective, an astute writer and has some keen observations on the human mind. Needless to say – for those who are uninitiated into his world – he is a fictional character on a tv series!

Me and the husband have been addicted to the show for a while now – the characters, the chemistry, the study of the human mind – murder mysteries is just a nice by-product. But what has really struck a chord with me is the passion that Castle has for what he does. The character eats sleeps and lives to write. He fights crime so he can write about it (and impress his “muse” of course). But he loves what he does. He wants to write. To make people get into the mind of his characters, to be real to understand the tiniest nuances of the human mind. That’s what writing is to me. That’s probably what I love about the series. A writer who loves story telling – and those can be mutually exclusive concepts.

I have always liked words and writing. Do I have a story in me I don’t know. But I dream that someday I will.  For now, I know that I enjoy observing people, I used to study body language and I used to wonder what makes the human mind tick. In a phase of life where I am figuring out what to do with myself given the limited life choices I have, this may be a good time to get back to basics – back to what I loved always – books, human behaviour and words.  So I am restarting my book blog, finding sites on human behaviour and hoping to blog more often. Baby steps but since I love all three who know where it could get me!

Hum of the Day

Maybe childhood is when we do what we love with the most passion. Maybe life gives us second chances to go back to what we love at our chore. Even if not as a vocation – getting back to what feels like play can only be an enjoyable experience.

Comfortable Skin

Often, I have given touted the importance of “being comfortable in your own skin”. But, off late, it is gaining a new significance. Back when I was about 23, I recall reading somewhere about how this age group – 20 to 30 – is one of unending change and that with each year you add on, you will change in ways that even you can’t exactly comprehend. I absorbed the words but never really paid any attention. But today, when I have crossed the big 30 mark, I wish that I had paid more heed. And I don’t say this because of the significance of that age, I say this because paying heed to one’s life changes, internal and external, becomes about survival of sanity.

When I was younger, I dreamt some dreams, I saw a certain life, and I thought I was a certain person. As I kept adding on experience, somewhere, life and circumstances required changes. I may have gone with the flow and embraced those changes, but somewhere, I forgot to acknowledge what had changed in my core. As a consequence, unknowingly, I became uncomfortable in my own skin. Because my mind believed I wanted something, but my life and core, had gone ahead and shifted.

I see myself, and so many friends, struggling with the changes that life is putting before us all- changes in all forms, shapes and sizes. Some changes have been by choice, some by chance and some by force.  But the result is the same – a shift of core circumstances.

Accepting this for the world is one thing, but like my father always tells me - end of the day, you answer only to yourself, that’s the one set of eyes and heart that cannot be fooled and simultaneously allow you to have a good night’s sleep. 

Our circle, whatever and whomever that comprises of, is a major influence in both changes and change acceptance. That’s where it becomes vital for your own skin to fit you well. That skin which knows your core, that skin which knows your insecurities that know how desperate you feel that you cannot control the way life is taking you or where it is taking you. That skin needs to know that you will look after it and understand it. That even if it’s just you, only you, you will be ok because you both fit well together. You are comfortable by yourself, with whom you were, are and are going to become. Only then, will life allow you down a path that you can walk fearlessly – because you are enough for you. A hand to hold, a hand on you head and laughter by your side is always welcome, required and even craved for. But even without, you with you – that’s ok too.

Hum of the day

Relationships carve our lives, shape who we are and often guide where we go and even where we want to go. But I have been wondering why, in the maintenance of so many relationships, we lose connect with who we are. It’s almost like saying I want to stitch a beautiful scarf but ooops, I forgot to tie the first knot strong enough. Pretty silly huh?

Just Like That

Just like that I smiled 

Just like that a thought

Just like that a whisper in my head

Just like that the smile was gone

Just like that a soft breeze I felt

Just like that a sense of ease it left

Just like that my heart felt light

Just like that I smiled that smile

Hum of the Day

It takes almost nothing to bring a smile, nothing to take it away and a choice to let in the breeze. 

Finding My Peace, Accepting My Home

They say home is where the heart is. Well about two months ago I took a decision to follow my heart and now, after a year of a long distance marriage, here I am – home.

Life has come to a full circle for me, yet it has stood absolutely still. But oddly enough, this year, while apparently futile, has had an impact in ways that I am still trying to understand. 

As enumerated extensively in my previous ranting, change and I have never been good friends. And my compulsive need to strive for the perfect situation just adds to my angst because in times of uncertainty (and otherwise I now realise) those neat packages are an oasis.

For a long time, I had a sense of unease. That something was missing. I spent a lot of time questioning every aspect of my life – career, marriage, long term goals and lofty things like meaning of life, what I need to be happy, etc – the list was long and endless.  Then I chose to dramatically defy the obvious flow of my life and move myself hoping that cosmic forces would relent to my perseverance. They instead chose to teach me the things i needed to know the most – I call it my seven step peace guide.

1. Life has its flow and yet, we have the power to change that flow. The caveat is that we have to live with the implications of that change.
2. The change of flow happens only for you. So all other events related to everyone in your life stay the same – leading to a weird, tumultuous life
3. The way you have envisaged life is not the ideal
4. When life forces decisions on you, it also gives you the power to open your eyes to whole new possibilities
5. You have to develop your ability to accept new possibilities on your own – no help available from any forces
6. Uncertainty or possibilities – the choice is your own. As a child you chose possibilities. As an adult – choose wisely again
7. All pieces of life never ever fall in place at the same time. The process is a slow step-by-step one. But for anything to fall in place, you have to fix one move, take one step and make that a pivot for other steps to follow

Hum Of The Day:

There has been a change within me. A shift towards peace, towards acceptance and towards freedom – freedom to dream new dreams, to take on a new course of life, to explore options I never knew existed. To reignite the childlike happiness in the fact that life is what I make it. I have the power back – and I will slowly unleash my dreams one day at a time.

Lessons from Cougar Town

I recently saw this hilarious episode of Cougar Town where Jennifer Anniston is Courtney Cox’s shrink. Cox is delighted as to who her new shrink really gets her” and seems to have been there done that. Turns out, that Anniston was a loony who had assumed that Cox’s relationship with her son was easily equated with her own relationship with her dog – and on finding this out, Cox of course blows up and the shrink is out of her life.

Storyline aside, that got me thinking. We all crave empathy – to have someone who gets us, und3erstands what we have been through and therefore does not judge our emotions, does not ridicule their depth and makes us feel less crazy in a mad mad world. And usually, if get the understanding, and don’t feel crazy, we assume the situation would have been the same. End of the day, we all just crave acceptance and acknowledgement that what we feel is OK.  

So often I’m told learn to live for yourself, but “myself” is me plus the world. There is no me in isolation. The very notion of a person, without attachments, relationships, expectations, desires, and opinions – is not even human. To have a life where you do not care for any of those expectations and opinions that come with those relationships is just sad.

And no one wants sadness. So we choose acceptance as a goal. From spouses, friends, family, colleagues, bosses – anyone or maybe even all of the above! And if we get a ray of empathy through the process, it’s like balm on a wound. My only question is – why don’t more of us just carry balm and pass it along instead of waiting for someone to hand it to us.

Hum of the day:
Life is what and who you fill your days with. Consider it a blessing or a curse – the choice is yours. Just like loneliness.  Rights, privileges, obligations and responsibility – you cant choose one half without the other.

Looking for the shades of life

It’s not about you versus me
It’s not even just about us
It’s not about us versus them
It’s just about having some trust

See the world from a happy place

Stand for the truth
Stand for your view
Learn to stand at your own pace

Truth and lies

Good and bad
Happy and sad
White and black

I’m looking for that shade of grey

That blends between two worlds
I’m trying to show you colours can mix
I’m trying to help us paint our world

It’s easy – then again I guess it could be difficult. It’s all about how you want to view things. That’s a cliché I know and I usually don’t like to get banal enough to use clichés but sometimes, a cliché is all you have.

We all seem to have our world defined, how we like it, how it should be and how it really is. All the lines are drawn. But somehow, when you step back you realise, there are too many lines, and in isolation, they may make sense, but as a whole, it’s a maze of inter twined threads.

Hum of the day:

How often does one think of life as a journey to fight the world, to win, to get ahead – the list is long. I may be very simplistic, but to me, life is not a war or battle ground. It’s just life. I want to live it, not fight it. I want to live like I learnt to in kindergarten on simple rules. The world is a good place. People are good. We all play together. We have our friends but that does not make anyone an enemy. We don’t judge, we don’t hold grudges. We live by the heart and risk everything. But we live.