Unexpected surprises
Surprising decisions
Standing still
Increasing hesitation
A time to move
A time to stand
A decision to make
That helping hand
I look, I see,I wonder,
I search, I find, I gaze
Hold that thought for a bit longer
Treasure turns to haze
To see the sign to know not where
To want to know , a sign is there
The power to want, to believe it true
To wish a thought and dream it through
Words have a way of putting thoughts into perspective- because in order to describe it you have to think it through. Which is something we often have a tendency to avoid. We have a lot of thoughts but often the thinking is minimal. Its like a closet dumped on the way out to work. You know you can find what you need later, all you have to do is open the cupboard.
Life however, does not allow you to dump, pull out, pick out and dump back. Once opened, you need to sort out a thought. Which is where i see words as a way to add a perspective to the clutter. To sort of give it an order.
Therein lies an insight into myself - i need to control. I cannot deal with ambiguity. And when ambiguity comes my way, i constantly look for reasons or logic for the ambiguity. And that's not pleasant. Because life is about the uncertainty and about the wonder of turning the next corner. And by trying to control and predict whats around the bend, i think i forget to notice that its time to turn.
Hum of the day: A sign is only what I make it symbolise. So when i see a sign- its really hope.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Surprises surprise
I really like the little surprises that life sometimes throws at you... i like them almost as much as the assurances of the stable factors of life.To put things in perspective, let me begin my describing my life. I moved to Delhi from Bombay a little over a year ago. Bombay has been and always will be home. And to a Bombay person (we are not bombay-ites!) delhi never can be home. Anyway, my friends are primarily in Bombay and i have not been able to make new ones here. I attribute that to a combination of my own mental block and some realities of Delhi-ites. Net result is an almost friend-free life.
That's where the assurances of life make me smile. There is something about old friends and people who have known you over a sheer volume of time that is such a comfort. Conversations pick up from the most intimate issues and there is no discussion of inconsequential aspects of life. And the best part is there is completely clarity on the fact that politically correct conversation is inconsequential.
There is also a fresh comfort in the fact that you can meet people for the first time in your life and just hit it off with them with almost the same chemistry with absolutely no rational explanation. And its often best not to even look for that explanation. Because that messes up the chemistry. That's the thing about life, it surprises us pleasantly and that surprises us more than the unpleasant surprises. We start to look for reasons why its happening to us. Ever wonder why? We do not question when bad stuff happens that much, because most of the time, its easy to say life sucks. But when life does not suck, that's when we wonder.
The surprises of life come in all forms. Significant forms like a new friend in an alien city who can sit you through a session of coffee listening to you rant and rave about life like you would with an old friend. Sometimes its really small forms, like there is this 1.5 year old child in my building who has this adorable way of waving to me before i go to work or the watchman in my office building who makes sure he wishes me good morning every morning no matter where he is. These are small things but they surprise me and bring a smile to my face. And while the smile may not be as broad as the smile that an old friend brings, the fact that there are new things that make me smile, that brings the warm glow to fill the void.
Hum of the day: I hope I am the source of surprise in someones life - I haven't tried but now I will.
That's where the assurances of life make me smile. There is something about old friends and people who have known you over a sheer volume of time that is such a comfort. Conversations pick up from the most intimate issues and there is no discussion of inconsequential aspects of life. And the best part is there is completely clarity on the fact that politically correct conversation is inconsequential.
There is also a fresh comfort in the fact that you can meet people for the first time in your life and just hit it off with them with almost the same chemistry with absolutely no rational explanation. And its often best not to even look for that explanation. Because that messes up the chemistry. That's the thing about life, it surprises us pleasantly and that surprises us more than the unpleasant surprises. We start to look for reasons why its happening to us. Ever wonder why? We do not question when bad stuff happens that much, because most of the time, its easy to say life sucks. But when life does not suck, that's when we wonder.
The surprises of life come in all forms. Significant forms like a new friend in an alien city who can sit you through a session of coffee listening to you rant and rave about life like you would with an old friend. Sometimes its really small forms, like there is this 1.5 year old child in my building who has this adorable way of waving to me before i go to work or the watchman in my office building who makes sure he wishes me good morning every morning no matter where he is. These are small things but they surprise me and bring a smile to my face. And while the smile may not be as broad as the smile that an old friend brings, the fact that there are new things that make me smile, that brings the warm glow to fill the void.
Hum of the day: I hope I am the source of surprise in someones life - I haven't tried but now I will.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Don't Want. Don't Have.
My maid’s drunken husband beat her up last night. She told me she gets one meal a day sometimes not even that. Her daughters have never seen school and 2 meals 2 days in a row are a dream they doubt they will achieve. And the shocking part is yet to come – I was NOT shocked. That’s when it hit me. The apathy we have come to exist in. I feel sorry for I feel angry but I am not surprised – a clear indication of the sheer quantum of such episodes all around.
Somewhere I think I am losing perspective on life. Getting caught up in the daily chores of work, in hoping for my own life to sort out and in doing so, enlarging the significance of my own existence. There is a concept of giving yourself too much importance, yet there is the increasing thought that if you do not who will. Is there a correct answer? I doubt it. But here is a simple thought, when feeling like your life is complicated and often unfair, just remember to be grateful – not just for things you have but for things you don’t want and don’t have as well.
Hum of the day: Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for giving me a family. Thank you for giving me parents. Thank you for parents that love me. Thank you for parents that love each other. Thank you for the life that my family has provided me with. Thank you for the security of knowing where every meal will come from. Thank you for never giving me a chance to worry about an unwanted scar on either my body or my soul. Thank you for the ability to recognize the gift you have given me. Thank you.
Somewhere I think I am losing perspective on life. Getting caught up in the daily chores of work, in hoping for my own life to sort out and in doing so, enlarging the significance of my own existence. There is a concept of giving yourself too much importance, yet there is the increasing thought that if you do not who will. Is there a correct answer? I doubt it. But here is a simple thought, when feeling like your life is complicated and often unfair, just remember to be grateful – not just for things you have but for things you don’t want and don’t have as well.
Hum of the day: Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for giving me a family. Thank you for giving me parents. Thank you for parents that love me. Thank you for parents that love each other. Thank you for the life that my family has provided me with. Thank you for the security of knowing where every meal will come from. Thank you for never giving me a chance to worry about an unwanted scar on either my body or my soul. Thank you for the ability to recognize the gift you have given me. Thank you.
Perhaps
My life is like a treadmill- increasing the pace still does not seem to get me anywhere. That was me describing my life to a friend. And the morbidity of that statement scares me. I am just at the start of my life, how can I believe with such conviction that I am in a rut. Yet I do. And there comes the next thought process – why am I in a rut and what do I believe will help to get out of it. The answers are complex and convoluted.
Often we have expectations from ourselves and from what we believe our life should pan out to look like. It’s our social conditioning which we have to thank for this. We grow up compartmentalizing life into stages and phases and we have definite benchmarks about what the outcome of each phase is expected to be. The thing about the years of education is that we constantly have that deliverable- we move on to the next class, we have that test we clear. It’s all tangible. However, once you enter the real world, any semblance of tangibility starts to fade. The lines between what you expect, what people around you expect start to blur and therefore a sense of moving but not getting anywhere?
So we decide to set our own milestones – salary, position, location, and marriage- the list is endless. But the problem is that these milestones do not have a definite trajectory. There is no book to read and there is no test to be passed and hence there is no way of assessing additive success. Either you have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, well, life appears like a treadmill.
I used to think that just having direction is half the job done. I am not so sure any more. Sometimes, you know where you need to go, you probably know how to get there, problem is that we mostly have a blurred sense of the goal and hence getting there provides us with a multitude of options as well.
And it was in the middle of this entire thought process that I recalled a very odd conversation with my boss who in an effort to appease gave me a spiel on how he works for happiness and nothing else. I remember laughing at that time. But today that statement seems unduly profound. It makes sense. Work for happiness. We live in an effort to make people around us and hence ourselves happy, work is a significant part of our lives, why can we not seek happiness there as well.
That is when I realized that a lot of people do seek happiness at work. It all boils down to priorities and these priorities are so deeply entrenched that they cannot be altered despite any amount of social or educational conditioning. And perhaps when individual’s priorities are significantly different from those of people around, the sense of what the goal is gets clouded by what it should be. Just as what one does is often dominated by norms than desires. Perhaps that leads to a sense of lack of movement. Or perhaps the lack of movement is because of skewed expectations - because one does not get on a treadmill to get anywhere, but to achieve a specific goal in those fifteen minutes. Perhaps the answer lies not in getting off the treadmill but recognizing it for what it is – a way to achieve a temporary goal. Because life is not a treadmill really and it will not give you a goal attained signal- you just have to know that with the small goals, the larger ones may be achieved. It all boils down to faith. Perhaps.
Hum of the day: Learning to walk was not easy. You could do it as a 1 year old. Today, you may not take that risk.
Often we have expectations from ourselves and from what we believe our life should pan out to look like. It’s our social conditioning which we have to thank for this. We grow up compartmentalizing life into stages and phases and we have definite benchmarks about what the outcome of each phase is expected to be. The thing about the years of education is that we constantly have that deliverable- we move on to the next class, we have that test we clear. It’s all tangible. However, once you enter the real world, any semblance of tangibility starts to fade. The lines between what you expect, what people around you expect start to blur and therefore a sense of moving but not getting anywhere?
So we decide to set our own milestones – salary, position, location, and marriage- the list is endless. But the problem is that these milestones do not have a definite trajectory. There is no book to read and there is no test to be passed and hence there is no way of assessing additive success. Either you have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, well, life appears like a treadmill.
I used to think that just having direction is half the job done. I am not so sure any more. Sometimes, you know where you need to go, you probably know how to get there, problem is that we mostly have a blurred sense of the goal and hence getting there provides us with a multitude of options as well.
And it was in the middle of this entire thought process that I recalled a very odd conversation with my boss who in an effort to appease gave me a spiel on how he works for happiness and nothing else. I remember laughing at that time. But today that statement seems unduly profound. It makes sense. Work for happiness. We live in an effort to make people around us and hence ourselves happy, work is a significant part of our lives, why can we not seek happiness there as well.
That is when I realized that a lot of people do seek happiness at work. It all boils down to priorities and these priorities are so deeply entrenched that they cannot be altered despite any amount of social or educational conditioning. And perhaps when individual’s priorities are significantly different from those of people around, the sense of what the goal is gets clouded by what it should be. Just as what one does is often dominated by norms than desires. Perhaps that leads to a sense of lack of movement. Or perhaps the lack of movement is because of skewed expectations - because one does not get on a treadmill to get anywhere, but to achieve a specific goal in those fifteen minutes. Perhaps the answer lies not in getting off the treadmill but recognizing it for what it is – a way to achieve a temporary goal. Because life is not a treadmill really and it will not give you a goal attained signal- you just have to know that with the small goals, the larger ones may be achieved. It all boils down to faith. Perhaps.
Hum of the day: Learning to walk was not easy. You could do it as a 1 year old. Today, you may not take that risk.
Just by chance?
Its been almost 7 months since i last wrote. And im really surprised that not much seems to have changed. Then again, maybe i am not.
So i was sitting in office thinking of how to look busy while doing nothing (its an art im mastering) and i started writing. This is what i came up with.
Let me begin by introducing myself - I am a twenty six year old, on the surface confident single, sometimes ready to mingle, sometimes wanting to get married girl with an on the surface successful career. Yeah. That gives you a gist of what is to come doesn’t it. Well I just may surprise you, just like I am sure I have surprised people around me and I know that I have been pleasantly surprised myself in the most unlikely places.
So yesterday, I was having an exceptionally bad day. Work has been… well… let’s call it unpleasant to the power quite a bit. At home, in one of my wanting to get married phases, I had voiced my thoughts to my parents. As a result, I think I have only myself to blame for the arranged marriage madness that is surrounding me. In short my previous day ended with a yelling match with my boss and the next one started with one with my mom and ended with one with my sister. All in all, nice day!
In frustration, I ditched “work” early and took off to my safe haven – a bookshop. There I found myself in front of the occult section staring at couple of books by an author I was discussing with a friend just a day earlier. I don’t know why but compulsively I had a need to buy the book – my second of the day and I am yet to thank my friend for recommending it. I picked up “only love is real” by Dr Brian Weiss.
When I started reading I actually broke down. It was like this was just the book I needed to read in the frame of mind I was in. It gave me a strange sense of comfort. In knowing that emotional upheaval no matter how small feels large, that we are all victims of our past as well as prisoners to our hopes of the future and yes , that time does take care of itself. It also got me thinking of coincidences. There is a reason that every time in my life when I have needed it the most, something has been available to give me comfort. Which tells me that indeed some force is guiding my life towards a goal – and it’s nice to know someone knows that goal because I know I do not.
I have come to believe that we always have two choices i.e. to try and rationalize and appease the head or to let go of logic and go with the flow of life. The problem is that a lot of us want both the peace of the flow and the material benefits of the logic. And that is where the coincidences will come into play. At that point when you just don’t know what to do, a small nudge – a clipping you read, a person you talk to, a story you hear – it will guide you towards that aspect you need to trust at that point in life. The key is learning to recognize and listen to those coincidences and being grateful that you can.
Hum of the day: coincidences come in many forms. blogs can be one of them.
So i was sitting in office thinking of how to look busy while doing nothing (its an art im mastering) and i started writing. This is what i came up with.
Let me begin by introducing myself - I am a twenty six year old, on the surface confident single, sometimes ready to mingle, sometimes wanting to get married girl with an on the surface successful career. Yeah. That gives you a gist of what is to come doesn’t it. Well I just may surprise you, just like I am sure I have surprised people around me and I know that I have been pleasantly surprised myself in the most unlikely places.
So yesterday, I was having an exceptionally bad day. Work has been… well… let’s call it unpleasant to the power quite a bit. At home, in one of my wanting to get married phases, I had voiced my thoughts to my parents. As a result, I think I have only myself to blame for the arranged marriage madness that is surrounding me. In short my previous day ended with a yelling match with my boss and the next one started with one with my mom and ended with one with my sister. All in all, nice day!
In frustration, I ditched “work” early and took off to my safe haven – a bookshop. There I found myself in front of the occult section staring at couple of books by an author I was discussing with a friend just a day earlier. I don’t know why but compulsively I had a need to buy the book – my second of the day and I am yet to thank my friend for recommending it. I picked up “only love is real” by Dr Brian Weiss.
When I started reading I actually broke down. It was like this was just the book I needed to read in the frame of mind I was in. It gave me a strange sense of comfort. In knowing that emotional upheaval no matter how small feels large, that we are all victims of our past as well as prisoners to our hopes of the future and yes , that time does take care of itself. It also got me thinking of coincidences. There is a reason that every time in my life when I have needed it the most, something has been available to give me comfort. Which tells me that indeed some force is guiding my life towards a goal – and it’s nice to know someone knows that goal because I know I do not.
I have come to believe that we always have two choices i.e. to try and rationalize and appease the head or to let go of logic and go with the flow of life. The problem is that a lot of us want both the peace of the flow and the material benefits of the logic. And that is where the coincidences will come into play. At that point when you just don’t know what to do, a small nudge – a clipping you read, a person you talk to, a story you hear – it will guide you towards that aspect you need to trust at that point in life. The key is learning to recognize and listen to those coincidences and being grateful that you can.
Hum of the day: coincidences come in many forms. blogs can be one of them.
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