Each day, most of us worry about our lives – will my financial model have no errors, will that client take my call, how do I deal with the troublesome customer, how do I appease my boss, will I get a bonus, will I get food to eat, will my kid get admission- etc the list is endless. Our lives, therefore, become a series of measures to ensure that the worries do not fructify.
When practicing meditation, each person has their own methodology. One of the methods I found most relaxing in an odd sort of way was to focus on myself and then to slowly zoom-out. I mean, I start with concentrating on myself, move on to my room, house, building block, housing complex, my city etc until I am seeing the world as a tiny dot from a satellite. Sounds insane on so many levels but it provided a perspective that allowed me to just take a deep breath and just know that what I was worrying about was just not big enough.
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield talks of an interesting concept – that when life began, humanity’s primary concern was finding out the purpose of life and this quest formed the fabric of life. Finding it unable to arrive at satisfactory answers, mankind dispatched a set of trusted people in search for a universally acceptable truth. In the meanwhile, they got down to their own lives. As part of this settling down into a routine, they looked for means to life more comfortable – resulting in the comforts and life we see today. Somewhere in the background, the search still continues.
Perhaps that is the reason why we lead our lives the way we do- because our own life is all that we can control anyway. Somewhere, the helplessness that is associated with the prospect of something beyond us guiding our lives, adds to uncertainty, which adds to discomfort. But that uncertainty has a way of hitting us anyway – and usually when we least need it. Usually, a global economic meltdown is ill timed to arrive just when you needed that high bonus, or, just when you could not handle your boss another day. You will have that breakup just when u know you need someone in your life the most. Someone will walk into your life when you need it the least. You could be benched just when the work is getting interesting. Life is weird.
On the other hand, usually, while the big picture of a meltdown has little good that it can do, it can lead to a clean-up. Not just of businesses but of mind-sets. Realistic expectations from work and life, sustainable salaries and perhaps the time to figure out what else a job can provide besides money. A breakup usually results in introspection and someone walking into your life can never be a bad thing. Life is weird.
It has a way of being unexpected. Of throwing curve balls that are impossible to predict. But then that’s what makes the match interesting. If you knew the outcome and you knew the process – life would have just been a ride in an amusement park – without any worries and a detached excitement. Thankfully, the attachment, the worry, the fear and the excitement puts the life into life.
Hum of the day
Happiness and peace are goals we try to achieve. Detachment and control are tools we use. Even if life were an engineering project, only if you put both your heart and head into it, will you get a result you want. Anything without that is just a result you will strive to better. Sort of defeats the need of peace does it not?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thinking is not even a step
Today I saw Rock On for a second time. Something about that movie really touches a chord with me. I think it’s the fact that I have always believed that somewhere within myself I have a creative streak. Writing has been a hobby since I can remember. One of my most pleasant and exciting memories of achievement was the publication of my articles in a national magazine. I used to want to make a career related to books and/or writing. I seriously considered journalism as a career. But then logic prevailed as did some serious reality checks from family about what kind of life it would entail – and I chose mainstream management and now I am a corporate financial professional!
Mixology (a novel by Mainik Dhar) talks about mixing up life. Of adding a bit of everything to make a long island iced tea that is interesting enough to give you that slight high of life (this of course is my interpretation). I wonder if there is anything that can be done to do just that. Adi, of Rock On, certainly manages to, Mainak also has managed it. I have a cousin who has a band while he manages his corporate job. I wonder if it’s me. If I am looking for excuses to just not try and give my life a chance – to take the easy route of doing what everyone does. Or if I am being presumptuous by thinking that I CAN do more.
Today, while watching the movie, I recalled a discussion among my friends while in college. We were talking about how being able to do something creative – a talent- is not something that everyone has, and each of us had sworn to try and keep - what were then hobbies and beliefs- alive. But when I see myself, and a lot of my friends, I wonder how many of us kept that promise.
We get caught up in life. We do what it demands of us and gather the tangible and measurable merits of a main-stream existence. I think it’s just easy. It’s easy because it provides the amenities and life that is expected out of us. I for one am used to certain comforts and a life-style. I have been brought up to take pride in certain achievements – degrees, promotions, excellence. And I’m not saying this in a sense that I think there is anything wrong with that life. I just can’t help think – time and again – if that is all my life will be. I think it’s in my own hands. I have been told that it is. I just get a little helpless to get those hands moving and try.
Hum of the Day
Taking a first step is sometimes not enough. Having it in you to keep taking the subsequent ones is usually the bigger challenge.
Mixology (a novel by Mainik Dhar) talks about mixing up life. Of adding a bit of everything to make a long island iced tea that is interesting enough to give you that slight high of life (this of course is my interpretation). I wonder if there is anything that can be done to do just that. Adi, of Rock On, certainly manages to, Mainak also has managed it. I have a cousin who has a band while he manages his corporate job. I wonder if it’s me. If I am looking for excuses to just not try and give my life a chance – to take the easy route of doing what everyone does. Or if I am being presumptuous by thinking that I CAN do more.
Today, while watching the movie, I recalled a discussion among my friends while in college. We were talking about how being able to do something creative – a talent- is not something that everyone has, and each of us had sworn to try and keep - what were then hobbies and beliefs- alive. But when I see myself, and a lot of my friends, I wonder how many of us kept that promise.
We get caught up in life. We do what it demands of us and gather the tangible and measurable merits of a main-stream existence. I think it’s just easy. It’s easy because it provides the amenities and life that is expected out of us. I for one am used to certain comforts and a life-style. I have been brought up to take pride in certain achievements – degrees, promotions, excellence. And I’m not saying this in a sense that I think there is anything wrong with that life. I just can’t help think – time and again – if that is all my life will be. I think it’s in my own hands. I have been told that it is. I just get a little helpless to get those hands moving and try.
Hum of the Day
Taking a first step is sometimes not enough. Having it in you to keep taking the subsequent ones is usually the bigger challenge.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wishing the balancing effect away... or am I?
We live in a world of such contradiction that most of us have given up even thinking about it. It’s like when I was a child I used to shut my eyes assuming that if I could not see something bad, it was not real. But at least I have that option. Or I did. I just can’t help wonder how long I will have that option. Beyond a point in is in my face. And yet, I am helpless.
Yesterday, it was raining in Delhi. At around 7 in the evening I braved my car onto the traffic-laden streets. I was pretty much cursing infrastructure, or rather the lack of it, drainage, cars, office etc. After taking 20 min to cover a 5 minute patch I reached the only signal between my house and my office. Someone tapped on my window. I was about to just wave away the usual beggars when I just happened to look up. Staring at me was this child who was not more than 10-12 years old. It was pouring, he was without any kind of shield and the site of him just somehow has not left my mind.
A few days a go I remember driving past the corner of the same road and watching a family. It was a rainy day then too. A family was at breakfast - amidst rush hour traffic, in a hut, on a gas stove. But what struck me that day as I was waiting for the car ahead of me to move was the fact that they were still a family. They were laughing, sharing food and getting ready to begin their day. Happiness perhaps is a state of mind.
The boy was the same. Happy one morning while in the security of his home. Two evenings later he was in the rain crying and shivering. I wonder if they had their meal that night.
Life isn’t fair. There is something called law of averages… I have always believed in it. But what happens when one side of the scale is so low that the average is just not acceptable? Does it not require a helping hand to tip the scale? What happens when there is no helping hand? When day turns to night and night turns to day and hope of a meal is all that probably keeps a family going.
There are some things I wish I had answers to. There are others I know I have to be grateful for. Perspective and a reality check is one of them.
Hum of the day
The heart and mind understand our need for balance. Perhaps that’s why people in what are definitely inhuman conditions find it in themselves to laugh from the heart. It is also why people, who are blessed, find and often have reasons to be unhappy. I wonder how much of it is really in our hands. Is it just natures way of keeping the perspective alive?
Yesterday, it was raining in Delhi. At around 7 in the evening I braved my car onto the traffic-laden streets. I was pretty much cursing infrastructure, or rather the lack of it, drainage, cars, office etc. After taking 20 min to cover a 5 minute patch I reached the only signal between my house and my office. Someone tapped on my window. I was about to just wave away the usual beggars when I just happened to look up. Staring at me was this child who was not more than 10-12 years old. It was pouring, he was without any kind of shield and the site of him just somehow has not left my mind.
A few days a go I remember driving past the corner of the same road and watching a family. It was a rainy day then too. A family was at breakfast - amidst rush hour traffic, in a hut, on a gas stove. But what struck me that day as I was waiting for the car ahead of me to move was the fact that they were still a family. They were laughing, sharing food and getting ready to begin their day. Happiness perhaps is a state of mind.
The boy was the same. Happy one morning while in the security of his home. Two evenings later he was in the rain crying and shivering. I wonder if they had their meal that night.
Life isn’t fair. There is something called law of averages… I have always believed in it. But what happens when one side of the scale is so low that the average is just not acceptable? Does it not require a helping hand to tip the scale? What happens when there is no helping hand? When day turns to night and night turns to day and hope of a meal is all that probably keeps a family going.
There are some things I wish I had answers to. There are others I know I have to be grateful for. Perspective and a reality check is one of them.
Hum of the day
The heart and mind understand our need for balance. Perhaps that’s why people in what are definitely inhuman conditions find it in themselves to laugh from the heart. It is also why people, who are blessed, find and often have reasons to be unhappy. I wonder how much of it is really in our hands. Is it just natures way of keeping the perspective alive?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Midnight Philosophy
Self respect is a strange concept. I have often wondered what exactly it is. Is it being able to look yourself in the eye every morning or is it being able to sleep at night? In my world, these are two events that often do not happen together. I can look myself in the eye almost always – because basic habits and up-bringing ensure that I rarely do things that I will be ashamed of. Sleeping at night, well that’s a function of decisions made and actions taken thereafter. And that determines the respect I have for my decisions. Respect, unfortunately, becomes a relative term.
I remember repeated conversations with my closest friends about how a decision is valid only in a given situation and you make it based on the best information available. Why then is it that it is so difficult for people to forgive themselves for decisions made in the past when new information comes their way. If I acted a certain way, it was because I saw a situation from a certain viewpoint. Today, something moved, and I see something new. Why is it that I berate myself for seeing things the way I did. I did not do anything that was against my self respect – yet, I can’t seem to respect my own decisions and judgment.
Forgiveness is easy. It really is -but only when it pertains to someone else. The reason is that while you can lie to another person, you can’t ever fool yourself. You always know what is irking you. To learn to deceive your own self is an art undiscovered. But to let go, is a tool we use- it’s what I call the out of sight out of mind system. Remember how as a child, you closed your eyes when something unpleasant happened in the hope that because you cant see, no one can see you and it never happened. That carries us through our lives. When you find it the most difficult to deal with, let it go. No right and wrong here. Its just survival – if you can’t control it, there is no limit you can put on it. Let it go and for you it will no longer exist. Life is normal again.
Hum of the day
The great part about life is that time and distance are related concepts. With time, distance is created, with distance peace and with peace, somewhere, forgiveness and respect.
I remember repeated conversations with my closest friends about how a decision is valid only in a given situation and you make it based on the best information available. Why then is it that it is so difficult for people to forgive themselves for decisions made in the past when new information comes their way. If I acted a certain way, it was because I saw a situation from a certain viewpoint. Today, something moved, and I see something new. Why is it that I berate myself for seeing things the way I did. I did not do anything that was against my self respect – yet, I can’t seem to respect my own decisions and judgment.
Forgiveness is easy. It really is -but only when it pertains to someone else. The reason is that while you can lie to another person, you can’t ever fool yourself. You always know what is irking you. To learn to deceive your own self is an art undiscovered. But to let go, is a tool we use- it’s what I call the out of sight out of mind system. Remember how as a child, you closed your eyes when something unpleasant happened in the hope that because you cant see, no one can see you and it never happened. That carries us through our lives. When you find it the most difficult to deal with, let it go. No right and wrong here. Its just survival – if you can’t control it, there is no limit you can put on it. Let it go and for you it will no longer exist. Life is normal again.
Hum of the day
The great part about life is that time and distance are related concepts. With time, distance is created, with distance peace and with peace, somewhere, forgiveness and respect.
Unknown to me
“I have a dream, A song to sing, To help me cope, with anything. If you see the wonder of a fairytale, you can take the future, even if you fail. I believe in angels, something good in everything I see. I cross the stream, I have a dream.”
One of my favorite songs from childhood – always makes me smile. Today, it makes me wonder what the writer of that song must have been experiencing to feel a desperate need to express a hope for optimism. To give him/her that inspiration and motivation to move on, to let go of things in the hope that better would be around the corner – to need to know that if the distance was covered, that was a step towards a better world.
For a long time I have been writing – and it’s cathartic for me. Therefore, I was stumped with myself when I no longer could. I think I was afraid of facing what would flow from me if I allowed myself to write. But I also knew somewhere, some day I would have to, in order for me to cross the stream - today is that day.
I held on tight to a dream
Unknown to me its strength
I help on tight to a hope
Unknown to me the end
A need to know the truth
An urge to make it true
A call to take a step
Unknown to me it was back
A look around of me
Somehow clearly I see
Unknown to me a life
Unknown to me the truth
A decision to move ahead
Unknown to me the hope
A decision to take a step
To forgive myself the road
Unknown to me a smile
A surprise upon my eyes
Unknown to me freedom
A new beginning became known.
Hum of the day
Life is full of surprises. It’s the most pleasant when you surprise yourself.
One of my favorite songs from childhood – always makes me smile. Today, it makes me wonder what the writer of that song must have been experiencing to feel a desperate need to express a hope for optimism. To give him/her that inspiration and motivation to move on, to let go of things in the hope that better would be around the corner – to need to know that if the distance was covered, that was a step towards a better world.
For a long time I have been writing – and it’s cathartic for me. Therefore, I was stumped with myself when I no longer could. I think I was afraid of facing what would flow from me if I allowed myself to write. But I also knew somewhere, some day I would have to, in order for me to cross the stream - today is that day.
I held on tight to a dream
Unknown to me its strength
I help on tight to a hope
Unknown to me the end
A need to know the truth
An urge to make it true
A call to take a step
Unknown to me it was back
A look around of me
Somehow clearly I see
Unknown to me a life
Unknown to me the truth
A decision to move ahead
Unknown to me the hope
A decision to take a step
To forgive myself the road
Unknown to me a smile
A surprise upon my eyes
Unknown to me freedom
A new beginning became known.
Hum of the day
Life is full of surprises. It’s the most pleasant when you surprise yourself.
Would a map help?
I read this book (I think it was called When You Meet Buddha on the Road Shoot Him – I’m not sure). It began with a thought that has stuck with me – one of the biggest causes of unhappiness is the belief that there is a purpose to our life. There isn’t. Living is what we are meant to do, the ups and downs, the good and bad, the experience of it all is our only purpose. We give ourselves a lot of unhappiness because we try to extract from it something which is not. It is in living that you will actually achieve what you were given life for. That’s the answer to a happy life – just live it.
That’s easy enough to when things are at a level where you feel you can control it- but when the course veers off-track, that’s when I know I have a tendency to look for some other purpose – some higher goal of life. I think it gives me the comfort that things are happening for a reason – that the madness around me is not just a random. Because randomness scares me like nothing else. Because I can’t seem to be able to fence in the extent to which it can be unpleasant. I rarely find myself wanting to fence in the good – no surprises there.
I have gone through a lot of life philosophies – one where I believed I could control life, where I believed I could not control life only myself to one where I believed nothing is in my hands. Today I seem to have settled for a mid-path. I control the route which controls which of the limited end goals I will reach. In other words, I have come to believe my life is like a maze – one of those puzzles we used to solve as kids where you need to find 1 of 3 or four alternative treasures- you can wind down various roads and depending which you will chose, you will get what’s at the end. My hope is that the treasures don’t differ dramatically. My gut is that they do. My wish is that I chose correctly.
Hum of the day
I met a schoolboy of the present-past today. Crisply ironed shirt, well matched shoes and trousers, neat hair, confident stride with a backpack. I smiled as he walked into his cabin, opened his backpack to remove his laptop and get to his task for the day with the same enthusiasm as that of a child entering school. I wonder if anything has changed. We are all just children - working first to learn to be able to make a living, then to make that living. Somewhere we forget to do what we are trying to – live.
That’s easy enough to when things are at a level where you feel you can control it- but when the course veers off-track, that’s when I know I have a tendency to look for some other purpose – some higher goal of life. I think it gives me the comfort that things are happening for a reason – that the madness around me is not just a random. Because randomness scares me like nothing else. Because I can’t seem to be able to fence in the extent to which it can be unpleasant. I rarely find myself wanting to fence in the good – no surprises there.
I have gone through a lot of life philosophies – one where I believed I could control life, where I believed I could not control life only myself to one where I believed nothing is in my hands. Today I seem to have settled for a mid-path. I control the route which controls which of the limited end goals I will reach. In other words, I have come to believe my life is like a maze – one of those puzzles we used to solve as kids where you need to find 1 of 3 or four alternative treasures- you can wind down various roads and depending which you will chose, you will get what’s at the end. My hope is that the treasures don’t differ dramatically. My gut is that they do. My wish is that I chose correctly.
Hum of the day
I met a schoolboy of the present-past today. Crisply ironed shirt, well matched shoes and trousers, neat hair, confident stride with a backpack. I smiled as he walked into his cabin, opened his backpack to remove his laptop and get to his task for the day with the same enthusiasm as that of a child entering school. I wonder if anything has changed. We are all just children - working first to learn to be able to make a living, then to make that living. Somewhere we forget to do what we are trying to – live.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tag a memory
Gauri “TAGGED” me to answer a set of questions about my life. Simple and sweet stuff on the lines of favorite smell, favorite board game etc the very basic personal information. It was a Tuesday afternoon and ennui was all around so I opened it up and started filling it out. I had fun doing it – for two reasons – first, it was fun to think of answers and some questions brought back memories that made me just smile. The second was because it gave me something to think about (I did mention extreme boredom did I not?).
What struck me is that I have never really thought about these things earlier. And that made me realize that I have never discussed some aspects of my life with anyone- not even my closest friends. And that strikes me as weird. I know I have always been a very personal person but that has to have its limits. And it’s never been a conscious decision not to talk of these things. It just never came up. But then just because the question is not asked, does that mean there is no need to volunteer information at all?
On of my favorite TV shows is this children’s show called Full House where Michele’s (a 3 year old) answer to most things is – nobody asked me. But there are too many questions in this world and no one will be able to ask them all. There are some things you have to proactively volunteer.
And it’s so important to relive the untouched parts of our lives- the un-discussed ones. Because good memories make u smile and unpleasant ones have the power to reassure you that if you could get past that, you have the strength to face what lies ahead. I think somewhere life has taught us to just move ahead. To stop looking back because the belief is that looking back ties you down. But in order to decide whether what’s tying you down is good or bad, you still need to look back occasionally – to smile and remember. We owe our life that much at least.
Oh, the response to the TAG. Here goes.
Last movie seen in a theatre:
Jaane Tu…. Thoda pyaar thoda magic before that which was preceded by Aamir--- yea I watch a lot of movies
What book are you reading?
Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh. Just finished Palace of Illusons by Chitra Bannerjee (the best book I have read in a really long time).
Favourite board game:
Ludo and Snakes and Ladders - Very fond memories with my grandparents and those games!
Favourite magazine:
Readers Digest (I know it’s not technically a magazine but what the hell I love it!)
Favourite smells:
Wet grass and monsoon – happiest memories include watering the garden as a child and playing in the rain
Favourite sound:
“Maasi” – a word and a sound… makes my day!
Worst feeling in the world:
Immobility with fear - prompted by the presence of a dog within 200 meters of me!
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
I am late!!!!
Favourite fast food place:
Elco arcade hill road. Haldirams is also good and of course Mcdonalds!
Future child’s name:
No clue- i know what they are NOT going to be!
Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…”
.... be able to figure out what I really want to do in what is now a hypothetical situation
Do you drive fast?
Yes! And now that I am in NCR I actually can!
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Not any more
Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool
Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Yea- quite like them
If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?
Light brown
Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:
Baroda, Ahmedabad, Bombay, Chennai, Calcutta , Mumbai (it was re-christened by then) and now Gurgaon
Favourite sports to watch:
Not a sports person at all
One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:
Gauri – her positive attitude makes me believe dreams can come true
What’s under your bed?
The floor!
Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yea- if I am guaranteed the same family!
Morning person or night owl?
Night owl.
Over easy or sunny side up?
Somewhere in between
Favourite place to relax:
The sofa by my window in my room
Favourite pie:
Chocolate and lemon meringue ( seperate not mixed together!)
Favourite ice cream flavour:
Chocolate and strawberry
You pass this tag to:
:) The only other blogger I know sent this to me! So the buck stops here I guess!
Hum of the day
A memory is nothing but the emotion that it brings out. To remember is to give the emotion a storage place- to create a reserve to be drawn on when you need it the most.
What struck me is that I have never really thought about these things earlier. And that made me realize that I have never discussed some aspects of my life with anyone- not even my closest friends. And that strikes me as weird. I know I have always been a very personal person but that has to have its limits. And it’s never been a conscious decision not to talk of these things. It just never came up. But then just because the question is not asked, does that mean there is no need to volunteer information at all?
On of my favorite TV shows is this children’s show called Full House where Michele’s (a 3 year old) answer to most things is – nobody asked me. But there are too many questions in this world and no one will be able to ask them all. There are some things you have to proactively volunteer.
And it’s so important to relive the untouched parts of our lives- the un-discussed ones. Because good memories make u smile and unpleasant ones have the power to reassure you that if you could get past that, you have the strength to face what lies ahead. I think somewhere life has taught us to just move ahead. To stop looking back because the belief is that looking back ties you down. But in order to decide whether what’s tying you down is good or bad, you still need to look back occasionally – to smile and remember. We owe our life that much at least.
Oh, the response to the TAG. Here goes.
Last movie seen in a theatre:
Jaane Tu…. Thoda pyaar thoda magic before that which was preceded by Aamir--- yea I watch a lot of movies
What book are you reading?
Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh. Just finished Palace of Illusons by Chitra Bannerjee (the best book I have read in a really long time).
Favourite board game:
Ludo and Snakes and Ladders - Very fond memories with my grandparents and those games!
Favourite magazine:
Readers Digest (I know it’s not technically a magazine but what the hell I love it!)
Favourite smells:
Wet grass and monsoon – happiest memories include watering the garden as a child and playing in the rain
Favourite sound:
“Maasi” – a word and a sound… makes my day!
Worst feeling in the world:
Immobility with fear - prompted by the presence of a dog within 200 meters of me!
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
I am late!!!!
Favourite fast food place:
Elco arcade hill road. Haldirams is also good and of course Mcdonalds!
Future child’s name:
No clue- i know what they are NOT going to be!
Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…”
.... be able to figure out what I really want to do in what is now a hypothetical situation
Do you drive fast?
Yes! And now that I am in NCR I actually can!
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Not any more
Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool
Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Yea- quite like them
If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?
Light brown
Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:
Baroda, Ahmedabad, Bombay, Chennai, Calcutta , Mumbai (it was re-christened by then) and now Gurgaon
Favourite sports to watch:
Not a sports person at all
One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:
Gauri – her positive attitude makes me believe dreams can come true
What’s under your bed?
The floor!
Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yea- if I am guaranteed the same family!
Morning person or night owl?
Night owl.
Over easy or sunny side up?
Somewhere in between
Favourite place to relax:
The sofa by my window in my room
Favourite pie:
Chocolate and lemon meringue ( seperate not mixed together!)
Favourite ice cream flavour:
Chocolate and strawberry
You pass this tag to:
:) The only other blogger I know sent this to me! So the buck stops here I guess!
Hum of the day
A memory is nothing but the emotion that it brings out. To remember is to give the emotion a storage place- to create a reserve to be drawn on when you need it the most.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Wish Upon a Star
In one of the stories in Richard Bach’s Curious Lives, the ferret teacher tells the kindergarten ferrets that each one of us has a star- one unique star that is always there when we look up. She tells them to dream – to listen to the heart and that if you close your eyes, and allow yourself to really access that voice within, you will know what it is that you are meant to do. And when you need a reminder, all you need is to look up at your star and you will know that someone knows your dreams and that will restore your faith – in yourself and your life.
To dream is to seek the ideal and to chase the esoteric- and I used to think that dreaming was the easy part. It was creating that bridge of action towards achieving that dream that created a problem. Off late I find myself in a very unlikely situation. I dreamt the dreams and now I seem to have just stopped. I continue to want things but a fear that they may not be achievable is becoming stronger and more disturbing is the fact that I have begun to question my dreams – to temper them with reality. So it turns out they are not really dreams- more like a mission statement for life. And there is something so clinical about that- so real that it scares me.
There is a concept in most spiritual circles which talks about living in the present – doing things here and now and doing them with all your heart without a thought to either the past or the future. And that, it is believed, will teach you to truly enjoy life. I begun to subscribe to that and live life a day at a time. I stopped planning too much and just – well I just lived. But, I now find, to me that is not really living – it’s more like existing.
The few times these days when I really dream - of the completely child like idea life, it gives me a happy feeling - the stability of living in the present is just a sad compromise. I am talking about that blissful smile that comes with the possibility of a happily ever after, the smile that shows you are a thousand miles away in a world of your own; the smile from the heart that knows things will be perfect.
And when you smile that smile, you know what perfect is – your own perfect. But to even get a small bit of it, you have to be able to see it.
Hum of the Day
Today I wish upon my star – to help me dream the dreams I used to have- for I know, that when the dream is back, the drive to achieve it will surface by itself. My heart knows it – I’m looking for the right ray of light that makes it visible to me again. I looked up. My star smiled down.
To dream is to seek the ideal and to chase the esoteric- and I used to think that dreaming was the easy part. It was creating that bridge of action towards achieving that dream that created a problem. Off late I find myself in a very unlikely situation. I dreamt the dreams and now I seem to have just stopped. I continue to want things but a fear that they may not be achievable is becoming stronger and more disturbing is the fact that I have begun to question my dreams – to temper them with reality. So it turns out they are not really dreams- more like a mission statement for life. And there is something so clinical about that- so real that it scares me.
There is a concept in most spiritual circles which talks about living in the present – doing things here and now and doing them with all your heart without a thought to either the past or the future. And that, it is believed, will teach you to truly enjoy life. I begun to subscribe to that and live life a day at a time. I stopped planning too much and just – well I just lived. But, I now find, to me that is not really living – it’s more like existing.
The few times these days when I really dream - of the completely child like idea life, it gives me a happy feeling - the stability of living in the present is just a sad compromise. I am talking about that blissful smile that comes with the possibility of a happily ever after, the smile that shows you are a thousand miles away in a world of your own; the smile from the heart that knows things will be perfect.
And when you smile that smile, you know what perfect is – your own perfect. But to even get a small bit of it, you have to be able to see it.
Hum of the Day
Today I wish upon my star – to help me dream the dreams I used to have- for I know, that when the dream is back, the drive to achieve it will surface by itself. My heart knows it – I’m looking for the right ray of light that makes it visible to me again. I looked up. My star smiled down.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Optinal Options
I went and saw Aamir on Saturday. And for the past half an hour I have been trying to write about it and have been trying to frame my thoughts. And it is not working. Perhaps because the movie is a one of such stark contrasts – of goodness and loyalty; of destruction and betrayal and of fear and survival- that I do not know what to really think. So I am choosing not to. I am instead going to focus on what I felt while watching it.
It was scary in a very real sense. The protagonist is part of the present generation - capitalist and ready to carve his niche in the world. He believes that his decisions control his life and that his destiny is what he makes of it. He believes that every single individual not matter how destitute, always has an option to chose paths and to create the life they believe is best for them. And he believes that it is not anyone’s place to do that job for another individual.
Do I agree completely? I am not sure. I am one of those who believe that while the broad and basic aspects of life are predetermined, how and when we get there is something we control. So while I may be destined to be doing something, how easy or painful that journey is, depends on the choices I make- and that includes my attitude as well as my actions. I also firmly believe that not everyone has the same choices, but then benchmarks are unequal as well so on some level that balances out and allows each person to move one step up from where they are.
When Aamirs’ life is no longer controlled by him, his sense of desperation is what had me at the edge of my seat. To be governed by someone else, to not know why you are doing what you are doing and to have no idea about the ultimate aim of it all is too uncomfortable to even fathom. Yet, here it was in front of me. One person, one day and complete upheaval of his existence – that’s what I call reality bites!
It got me thinking – in a sense there are a lot of times when I believe that my life and destiny are not really in my hand, I know I rarely know why things happen and all I really do is have faith that its all happening for a reason which is completely unknown to me.
But then the movies’ clincher is what really touched my heart – you do always have a choice. And just like it is believes that a bad apple cannot be turned good, it was really heartening to see that vice-versa works as well. In crises, in madness – it may be possible to actually get a glimpse of the big picture - all it takes is a split second of a nirvana moment. The core of your beliefs and what you know to be right and wrong can actually surface despite all odds and irrespective of consequences. Perhaps that’s what destiny is. It provides that nirvana moment. Recognizing it is where your choice comes in.
Hum of the day
Life is choices. Perhaps the biggest choice is whether or not we want to recognize this.
It was scary in a very real sense. The protagonist is part of the present generation - capitalist and ready to carve his niche in the world. He believes that his decisions control his life and that his destiny is what he makes of it. He believes that every single individual not matter how destitute, always has an option to chose paths and to create the life they believe is best for them. And he believes that it is not anyone’s place to do that job for another individual.
Do I agree completely? I am not sure. I am one of those who believe that while the broad and basic aspects of life are predetermined, how and when we get there is something we control. So while I may be destined to be doing something, how easy or painful that journey is, depends on the choices I make- and that includes my attitude as well as my actions. I also firmly believe that not everyone has the same choices, but then benchmarks are unequal as well so on some level that balances out and allows each person to move one step up from where they are.
When Aamirs’ life is no longer controlled by him, his sense of desperation is what had me at the edge of my seat. To be governed by someone else, to not know why you are doing what you are doing and to have no idea about the ultimate aim of it all is too uncomfortable to even fathom. Yet, here it was in front of me. One person, one day and complete upheaval of his existence – that’s what I call reality bites!
It got me thinking – in a sense there are a lot of times when I believe that my life and destiny are not really in my hand, I know I rarely know why things happen and all I really do is have faith that its all happening for a reason which is completely unknown to me.
But then the movies’ clincher is what really touched my heart – you do always have a choice. And just like it is believes that a bad apple cannot be turned good, it was really heartening to see that vice-versa works as well. In crises, in madness – it may be possible to actually get a glimpse of the big picture - all it takes is a split second of a nirvana moment. The core of your beliefs and what you know to be right and wrong can actually surface despite all odds and irrespective of consequences. Perhaps that’s what destiny is. It provides that nirvana moment. Recognizing it is where your choice comes in.
Hum of the day
Life is choices. Perhaps the biggest choice is whether or not we want to recognize this.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Paint a Picture
A star right here
The moon up there
Distant beauty
Unknown and rare
Balls of energy
In different shapes
Look too close
The smile will fade
Paint a picture
Step back and see
The color you gave it
Together in totality
The heart can wander the mind can see
The mind can examine, the heart will beat
Perspective and perception
Beauty and direction
Observe, listen, feel
Make a decision.
Positivism and negativity are just concepts. We choose to see the smaller bits but forget to piece them together. Start counting the things in your life which you should be thankful for. I did that today.
I’m grateful for an education, for a family to take care of my needs so I can work for the intellectual (and financial) high that it gives me. For the fact that I am in an environment that intellectually stimulates me enough to have a need to prove myself and work harder- cannot imagine the boredom associated with not having to do that anymore.
I am grateful for friends who trust me enough to remember to call me in their time of need. Even more so for those who complain when I sometime neglect to do the same when I need them. I am blessed for a family that cares enough to want to know about the details of each boring day and to want to advise me as to how it can get better. For a cell phone and mobile connection to connect with people I cannot meet for months together. For friends and family that take me for granted.
I am blessed. I just forget to take a deep breath and put it all together. That’s the difference - it’s half empty when it’s in pieces…together, it a pretty picture that makes me bow in gratitude.
Hum of the day
Life is like needlework. Sowing is just the means- simultaneously enjoyable and arduous. The picture fortunately began pretty and, is always visible for you to see. Just take a glance.
The moon up there
Distant beauty
Unknown and rare
Balls of energy
In different shapes
Look too close
The smile will fade
Paint a picture
Step back and see
The color you gave it
Together in totality
The heart can wander the mind can see
The mind can examine, the heart will beat
Perspective and perception
Beauty and direction
Observe, listen, feel
Make a decision.
Positivism and negativity are just concepts. We choose to see the smaller bits but forget to piece them together. Start counting the things in your life which you should be thankful for. I did that today.
I’m grateful for an education, for a family to take care of my needs so I can work for the intellectual (and financial) high that it gives me. For the fact that I am in an environment that intellectually stimulates me enough to have a need to prove myself and work harder- cannot imagine the boredom associated with not having to do that anymore.
I am grateful for friends who trust me enough to remember to call me in their time of need. Even more so for those who complain when I sometime neglect to do the same when I need them. I am blessed for a family that cares enough to want to know about the details of each boring day and to want to advise me as to how it can get better. For a cell phone and mobile connection to connect with people I cannot meet for months together. For friends and family that take me for granted.
I am blessed. I just forget to take a deep breath and put it all together. That’s the difference - it’s half empty when it’s in pieces…together, it a pretty picture that makes me bow in gratitude.
Hum of the day
Life is like needlework. Sowing is just the means- simultaneously enjoyable and arduous. The picture fortunately began pretty and, is always visible for you to see. Just take a glance.
Professionally Personal
Sab neeji hai. That’s my favorite line from Sarkar Raj. Another on exactly the same note is the scene from You’ve Got Mail where Meg Ryan asks Tom Hanks (more or less verbatim) - “why do people always say it’s not personal. All that it means is that it’s not personal to you. It’s personal to someone else. It’s always personal”
Yet, we spend about 80% of our waking hours in an attempt to be professional. Ironic is it not? My company is going through a restructuring whereby new groups are being formed; people are being given options to change teams etc. And that has really got me thinking; because, it’s got me involuntarily hearing. The term competitive corporate world meant little to me for most of my 3 years of being a part of it. Maybe I was just shielded or I chose to turn a blind eye. But this time around, the competition is in my face. I am seeing people at all levels, junior and senior, proving a point, getting their voice heard and showing the next person down (across levels again) – with little regard of the impact it may be having on the other person.
Professional seems to have a new definition. It means knowing what to say, to whom to say it and how to say it; whom to cc and whom to bcc. What to give a verbal response to (and retract later) and what to take in writing. It’s about remembering the right things and of course recognizing what can be utilized at a later stage. It’s all about impressions. I have seen people around me pass other people work off as their own under the guise of helping, of people talking behind the backs of those I thought were friends - seniors bickering and egos clashing. And all I can think is – what of all this behavior is professional.
I may come from a very naive train of though but professional to me meant doing a good honest job- the best job you can do and as per the standards set by the organization. That’s it. That’s where the professional part of work ends. Everything else is just personal.
And what is wrong with that. We are all individuals working. Each one has their own personal reasons for doing the job they are doing. The job has a different meaning for every person – for one it is about proving to be a success, for another, it is money in the bank, and for the third it is just a way to pass their day. And these different agendas must produce a cohesive harmonious work environment. When a job is of personal significance, how can one be detached about it? But then, if that is the case, then a job is more than just a job. And all should not be fair in love and war right? Maybe that’s why it is not. There are lines that should not be crossed. Funny how they have begun to be drawn in chalk.
Hum of the day
The core of what we believe in is blurring under survival tactics. Does anything that’s really fit survive after the tussle? The ability and option to make choices each day thankfully ensure that that decision is not yet made.
Yet, we spend about 80% of our waking hours in an attempt to be professional. Ironic is it not? My company is going through a restructuring whereby new groups are being formed; people are being given options to change teams etc. And that has really got me thinking; because, it’s got me involuntarily hearing. The term competitive corporate world meant little to me for most of my 3 years of being a part of it. Maybe I was just shielded or I chose to turn a blind eye. But this time around, the competition is in my face. I am seeing people at all levels, junior and senior, proving a point, getting their voice heard and showing the next person down (across levels again) – with little regard of the impact it may be having on the other person.
Professional seems to have a new definition. It means knowing what to say, to whom to say it and how to say it; whom to cc and whom to bcc. What to give a verbal response to (and retract later) and what to take in writing. It’s about remembering the right things and of course recognizing what can be utilized at a later stage. It’s all about impressions. I have seen people around me pass other people work off as their own under the guise of helping, of people talking behind the backs of those I thought were friends - seniors bickering and egos clashing. And all I can think is – what of all this behavior is professional.
I may come from a very naive train of though but professional to me meant doing a good honest job- the best job you can do and as per the standards set by the organization. That’s it. That’s where the professional part of work ends. Everything else is just personal.
And what is wrong with that. We are all individuals working. Each one has their own personal reasons for doing the job they are doing. The job has a different meaning for every person – for one it is about proving to be a success, for another, it is money in the bank, and for the third it is just a way to pass their day. And these different agendas must produce a cohesive harmonious work environment. When a job is of personal significance, how can one be detached about it? But then, if that is the case, then a job is more than just a job. And all should not be fair in love and war right? Maybe that’s why it is not. There are lines that should not be crossed. Funny how they have begun to be drawn in chalk.
Hum of the day
The core of what we believe in is blurring under survival tactics. Does anything that’s really fit survive after the tussle? The ability and option to make choices each day thankfully ensure that that decision is not yet made.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Rain Rain Come Again
Monsoons are my spring. There is something about moisture in the air, wet sand and grass and water - lots of it and everywhere. No I do not live in some fantasy world - I do know that water everywhere in reality is murky water logged mucky roads causing hour long traffic jams, muddy shoes and irritable temperaments. But to me- its my spring. It just makes me happy. Despite all the mess.
I may be romanticising it a bit here but to me rains seem to just wash away the past. Its a time for fresh beginnings. The unwanted things that have been conveniently pushed below the surface make an appearance. And when they do- eventually they will be cleaned up. Its like a concept I learnt at AOL- in order for something to bid you goodbye it has to first enter your life and say hi.
We conveniently ignore some things- the baggage piling up in our lives, those cupboards waiting to be sorted, calls waiting to be made, goodbye waiting to be said. And somehow its often not actually finishing these things that is a problem - its the process of beginning the end. Once you take that first step, once that cupboard is emptied- it will be sorted- eventually.
Feng Sui talks of the concept of de-cluttering. How if one aspect of life is clutters, its sort of permeates other aspects. So according to that, messy draws, purses and cupboards are bad news in general from a life perspective. And i usually try and follow that. I'm weird that way. Or then again. Maybe i just try to make sure my life has its regular monsoon- so I can enjoy the simple things without sighing at what surfaces.
Hum of the day
Simple pleasures. The first rain. Sound of raindrops. Children playing with abandon. Laughter from the heart. Monsoons were the most pleasant childhood memories- gum boots, splashing in puddles, sliding down a hill. The smell of monsoon air brings it all back. My childhood returns - it makes me smile.
I may be romanticising it a bit here but to me rains seem to just wash away the past. Its a time for fresh beginnings. The unwanted things that have been conveniently pushed below the surface make an appearance. And when they do- eventually they will be cleaned up. Its like a concept I learnt at AOL- in order for something to bid you goodbye it has to first enter your life and say hi.
We conveniently ignore some things- the baggage piling up in our lives, those cupboards waiting to be sorted, calls waiting to be made, goodbye waiting to be said. And somehow its often not actually finishing these things that is a problem - its the process of beginning the end. Once you take that first step, once that cupboard is emptied- it will be sorted- eventually.
Feng Sui talks of the concept of de-cluttering. How if one aspect of life is clutters, its sort of permeates other aspects. So according to that, messy draws, purses and cupboards are bad news in general from a life perspective. And i usually try and follow that. I'm weird that way. Or then again. Maybe i just try to make sure my life has its regular monsoon- so I can enjoy the simple things without sighing at what surfaces.
Hum of the day
Simple pleasures. The first rain. Sound of raindrops. Children playing with abandon. Laughter from the heart. Monsoons were the most pleasant childhood memories- gum boots, splashing in puddles, sliding down a hill. The smell of monsoon air brings it all back. My childhood returns - it makes me smile.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Lights , camera, action - if only
Words used to come easy to me. Conversational words and most importantly, written words. Off late this has changed. I seem to have run out of things to say. I used to think. About people around me, about what i saw, about what people i knew were going through. In short, I used to think about life- not just my own. But somewhere i seem to have got caught up in my own existence I find my thoughts increasingly preoccupied with myself, my work - my life. And i do not like this change in me.
Yes my job is becoming more demanding; yes I have little room to think in the day, but is that not a choice. I used to consider myself a sort of maverick- someone who could live by my own rules even in a world of madness. But it seems I have surprised myself. In an effort to settle down in a new environment I seem to have lost something - something that made up the essence of me. Then again, if it was so easy to give up maybe it was not the essence of me at all.
I find that thinking seems to get me nowhere. There seems to be so little i can really control. And no matter what i keep saying, the need to control seems to be deeply embedded - in me and in everyone around me.
We control - or we try to control- our lives, professional and personal through a combination fo our thoughts and actions. Its usually our actions. But sometimes, that stray thought you had will come true- that phone will ring, that beep will sound, that email will come- which will be just the person you randomly remembered. These i think are reminders- to restore our faith that, through the madness around, someone is listening- and sometimes, just when you need it most, he will give you that beep to let you know he is listening.
The problem is we try to direct that - to pray, to ask to plead. And that’s, ok. Because if you don’t know what you want, you will not get it. And while going with the flow is fine, a general direction, a decision to cross that rock, to split into those tributaries, to explore that new lane- those decisions lie with us. And knowing that they do, somehow, gives me strength. The strength to keep trying, to keep making those decisions, to attempt to do my bit to give shape to my life. To try and get the life I want.
I look back at a lot of things feeling foolish, but i do not look back wishing I had tried. I thought a direction was right, I thought my life would shape a certain way. While trying, decisions were taken that changed the course. I made more decisions. I keep trying. We all do. Clichés make the world. Clichés give hope. Perhaps hope is the biggest cliché.
Hum of the day
We may be the director of the movie of our lives, but we keep forgetting, it’s being produced by someone else. And we can argue to have our way and we can chose to make things difficult for ourselves, in the end, what the producer believes will yield results is what will be shown. Lucky for us, the producer of life is never wrong.
Yes my job is becoming more demanding; yes I have little room to think in the day, but is that not a choice. I used to consider myself a sort of maverick- someone who could live by my own rules even in a world of madness. But it seems I have surprised myself. In an effort to settle down in a new environment I seem to have lost something - something that made up the essence of me. Then again, if it was so easy to give up maybe it was not the essence of me at all.
I find that thinking seems to get me nowhere. There seems to be so little i can really control. And no matter what i keep saying, the need to control seems to be deeply embedded - in me and in everyone around me.
We control - or we try to control- our lives, professional and personal through a combination fo our thoughts and actions. Its usually our actions. But sometimes, that stray thought you had will come true- that phone will ring, that beep will sound, that email will come- which will be just the person you randomly remembered. These i think are reminders- to restore our faith that, through the madness around, someone is listening- and sometimes, just when you need it most, he will give you that beep to let you know he is listening.
The problem is we try to direct that - to pray, to ask to plead. And that’s, ok. Because if you don’t know what you want, you will not get it. And while going with the flow is fine, a general direction, a decision to cross that rock, to split into those tributaries, to explore that new lane- those decisions lie with us. And knowing that they do, somehow, gives me strength. The strength to keep trying, to keep making those decisions, to attempt to do my bit to give shape to my life. To try and get the life I want.
I look back at a lot of things feeling foolish, but i do not look back wishing I had tried. I thought a direction was right, I thought my life would shape a certain way. While trying, decisions were taken that changed the course. I made more decisions. I keep trying. We all do. Clichés make the world. Clichés give hope. Perhaps hope is the biggest cliché.
Hum of the day
We may be the director of the movie of our lives, but we keep forgetting, it’s being produced by someone else. And we can argue to have our way and we can chose to make things difficult for ourselves, in the end, what the producer believes will yield results is what will be shown. Lucky for us, the producer of life is never wrong.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Count your smiles
Today i have no agenda. Just feel like writing so rambling is what its going to be.
Was thinking about this really bad movie i saw - you me aur hum. But more than the bad part i was thinking about the part of the movie i liked best - the concept of a book of possibilities. Its a really nice concept - to think in such detail about the positive possibilities of your life - sort of like a ready reckoner for the times when you are down. A not so gentle reminder of the dreams you have and the possibility that they might be fulfiled.But now that i think about it.. the bigger challenge can sometimes be knowing what those dreams are to begin with - to have it in you to actually document them. Because that becomes a sort of committment to yourself that you will try and achieve that.
As a small step, here goes a list of my happy things
1) Walking on wet grass on a warm summer night
2) Light early morning sun as a prelude to a hot day
3) Children running aimlessly in garden at 7 a.m
4) A good book, light music and a reading lamp
5) Couples out for their morning exercise together
6) Bru Cappuccinno Mocha as an alternative to office gunk
7) An unexpected shoulder in a time of need
8) A sudden thought from the gut that gives direction through a haze
9) Memories tucked away in little corners to make me smile
10) A glance at the picture on my mobile
Hum of the day
Count your smiles. It has a multiplier effect.
Was thinking about this really bad movie i saw - you me aur hum. But more than the bad part i was thinking about the part of the movie i liked best - the concept of a book of possibilities. Its a really nice concept - to think in such detail about the positive possibilities of your life - sort of like a ready reckoner for the times when you are down. A not so gentle reminder of the dreams you have and the possibility that they might be fulfiled.But now that i think about it.. the bigger challenge can sometimes be knowing what those dreams are to begin with - to have it in you to actually document them. Because that becomes a sort of committment to yourself that you will try and achieve that.
As a small step, here goes a list of my happy things
1) Walking on wet grass on a warm summer night
2) Light early morning sun as a prelude to a hot day
3) Children running aimlessly in garden at 7 a.m
4) A good book, light music and a reading lamp
5) Couples out for their morning exercise together
6) Bru Cappuccinno Mocha as an alternative to office gunk
7) An unexpected shoulder in a time of need
8) A sudden thought from the gut that gives direction through a haze
9) Memories tucked away in little corners to make me smile
10) A glance at the picture on my mobile
Hum of the day
Count your smiles. It has a multiplier effect.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Method to Madness
“Here's to the guys who love us, the losers who lost us...and the lucky ones that get to meet us” – a quote I am pretty sure every woman I know as received at some point in her life. And I am sure there must be some male version of this floating around as well. End of the day we are all just trying to find something that gives us comfort - a thought, an action,that source of happiness. We spend hours belaboring the same issues… and yet the gravity of those issues never recedes nor does a solution really appear. We are just trying to organize something that cannot be organized.
A friend and I spent a couple of hours the other night discussing in great detail about our exact plans for the future. It was almost a step-by step flowchart of how each of our lives should pan out complete with near detailed decision trees of if- this-then-this-else-this. And hearing us you would think we know what we want. But if you have had these discussions you will relate to the fact that the next time one of us is down in the dumps, the same plans will be turned on their head.
I am not really sure why it is so difficult for us to just let go, to let life unfold itself. I am not saying not to take things in your hands, but more a situation of learning to take decisions when a decision box appears before you. For me, one reason is that I am a believer that although your destination may be pre-determined, your choices today will decide the journey. Hence, I try to plan- if this then this.
But there is a method to the madness. Sort of like a work assignment. You start of with a haphazard sense with just the goal in mind, you then get down to planning. Usually, the planning and execution blinds you so you start thinking of small details and forget that all important thing you began with – the big picture. That’s when you need someone to step in and remind you why you are doing what you are doing. You still continue to execute. Its just you are reminded of why you are doing it.
And that is where sometimes just a deep breath and a knock on the head from a friend helps. The trick is to make sure that the sources of reminders stay. The trick is opening up your mind and heart to people around and trusting that they mean well. To put yourself and everything you feel out there. Because if you don’t, ultimately, when you are lost, people will not know how to find you.
Hum of the day
To learn to depend and not think of it as dependence; to seek help and to consider the help a right; being taken for granted is a privilege. If only we remembered to see it that way.
A friend and I spent a couple of hours the other night discussing in great detail about our exact plans for the future. It was almost a step-by step flowchart of how each of our lives should pan out complete with near detailed decision trees of if- this-then-this-else-this. And hearing us you would think we know what we want. But if you have had these discussions you will relate to the fact that the next time one of us is down in the dumps, the same plans will be turned on their head.
I am not really sure why it is so difficult for us to just let go, to let life unfold itself. I am not saying not to take things in your hands, but more a situation of learning to take decisions when a decision box appears before you. For me, one reason is that I am a believer that although your destination may be pre-determined, your choices today will decide the journey. Hence, I try to plan- if this then this.
But there is a method to the madness. Sort of like a work assignment. You start of with a haphazard sense with just the goal in mind, you then get down to planning. Usually, the planning and execution blinds you so you start thinking of small details and forget that all important thing you began with – the big picture. That’s when you need someone to step in and remind you why you are doing what you are doing. You still continue to execute. Its just you are reminded of why you are doing it.
And that is where sometimes just a deep breath and a knock on the head from a friend helps. The trick is to make sure that the sources of reminders stay. The trick is opening up your mind and heart to people around and trusting that they mean well. To put yourself and everything you feel out there. Because if you don’t, ultimately, when you are lost, people will not know how to find you.
Hum of the day
To learn to depend and not think of it as dependence; to seek help and to consider the help a right; being taken for granted is a privilege. If only we remembered to see it that way.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The power to see
Unexpected surprises
Surprising decisions
Standing still
Increasing hesitation
A time to move
A time to stand
A decision to make
That helping hand
I look, I see,I wonder,
I search, I find, I gaze
Hold that thought for a bit longer
Treasure turns to haze
To see the sign to know not where
To want to know , a sign is there
The power to want, to believe it true
To wish a thought and dream it through
Words have a way of putting thoughts into perspective- because in order to describe it you have to think it through. Which is something we often have a tendency to avoid. We have a lot of thoughts but often the thinking is minimal. Its like a closet dumped on the way out to work. You know you can find what you need later, all you have to do is open the cupboard.
Life however, does not allow you to dump, pull out, pick out and dump back. Once opened, you need to sort out a thought. Which is where i see words as a way to add a perspective to the clutter. To sort of give it an order.
Therein lies an insight into myself - i need to control. I cannot deal with ambiguity. And when ambiguity comes my way, i constantly look for reasons or logic for the ambiguity. And that's not pleasant. Because life is about the uncertainty and about the wonder of turning the next corner. And by trying to control and predict whats around the bend, i think i forget to notice that its time to turn.
Hum of the day: A sign is only what I make it symbolise. So when i see a sign- its really hope.
Surprising decisions
Standing still
Increasing hesitation
A time to move
A time to stand
A decision to make
That helping hand
I look, I see,I wonder,
I search, I find, I gaze
Hold that thought for a bit longer
Treasure turns to haze
To see the sign to know not where
To want to know , a sign is there
The power to want, to believe it true
To wish a thought and dream it through
Words have a way of putting thoughts into perspective- because in order to describe it you have to think it through. Which is something we often have a tendency to avoid. We have a lot of thoughts but often the thinking is minimal. Its like a closet dumped on the way out to work. You know you can find what you need later, all you have to do is open the cupboard.
Life however, does not allow you to dump, pull out, pick out and dump back. Once opened, you need to sort out a thought. Which is where i see words as a way to add a perspective to the clutter. To sort of give it an order.
Therein lies an insight into myself - i need to control. I cannot deal with ambiguity. And when ambiguity comes my way, i constantly look for reasons or logic for the ambiguity. And that's not pleasant. Because life is about the uncertainty and about the wonder of turning the next corner. And by trying to control and predict whats around the bend, i think i forget to notice that its time to turn.
Hum of the day: A sign is only what I make it symbolise. So when i see a sign- its really hope.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Surprises surprise
I really like the little surprises that life sometimes throws at you... i like them almost as much as the assurances of the stable factors of life.To put things in perspective, let me begin my describing my life. I moved to Delhi from Bombay a little over a year ago. Bombay has been and always will be home. And to a Bombay person (we are not bombay-ites!) delhi never can be home. Anyway, my friends are primarily in Bombay and i have not been able to make new ones here. I attribute that to a combination of my own mental block and some realities of Delhi-ites. Net result is an almost friend-free life.
That's where the assurances of life make me smile. There is something about old friends and people who have known you over a sheer volume of time that is such a comfort. Conversations pick up from the most intimate issues and there is no discussion of inconsequential aspects of life. And the best part is there is completely clarity on the fact that politically correct conversation is inconsequential.
There is also a fresh comfort in the fact that you can meet people for the first time in your life and just hit it off with them with almost the same chemistry with absolutely no rational explanation. And its often best not to even look for that explanation. Because that messes up the chemistry. That's the thing about life, it surprises us pleasantly and that surprises us more than the unpleasant surprises. We start to look for reasons why its happening to us. Ever wonder why? We do not question when bad stuff happens that much, because most of the time, its easy to say life sucks. But when life does not suck, that's when we wonder.
The surprises of life come in all forms. Significant forms like a new friend in an alien city who can sit you through a session of coffee listening to you rant and rave about life like you would with an old friend. Sometimes its really small forms, like there is this 1.5 year old child in my building who has this adorable way of waving to me before i go to work or the watchman in my office building who makes sure he wishes me good morning every morning no matter where he is. These are small things but they surprise me and bring a smile to my face. And while the smile may not be as broad as the smile that an old friend brings, the fact that there are new things that make me smile, that brings the warm glow to fill the void.
Hum of the day: I hope I am the source of surprise in someones life - I haven't tried but now I will.
That's where the assurances of life make me smile. There is something about old friends and people who have known you over a sheer volume of time that is such a comfort. Conversations pick up from the most intimate issues and there is no discussion of inconsequential aspects of life. And the best part is there is completely clarity on the fact that politically correct conversation is inconsequential.
There is also a fresh comfort in the fact that you can meet people for the first time in your life and just hit it off with them with almost the same chemistry with absolutely no rational explanation. And its often best not to even look for that explanation. Because that messes up the chemistry. That's the thing about life, it surprises us pleasantly and that surprises us more than the unpleasant surprises. We start to look for reasons why its happening to us. Ever wonder why? We do not question when bad stuff happens that much, because most of the time, its easy to say life sucks. But when life does not suck, that's when we wonder.
The surprises of life come in all forms. Significant forms like a new friend in an alien city who can sit you through a session of coffee listening to you rant and rave about life like you would with an old friend. Sometimes its really small forms, like there is this 1.5 year old child in my building who has this adorable way of waving to me before i go to work or the watchman in my office building who makes sure he wishes me good morning every morning no matter where he is. These are small things but they surprise me and bring a smile to my face. And while the smile may not be as broad as the smile that an old friend brings, the fact that there are new things that make me smile, that brings the warm glow to fill the void.
Hum of the day: I hope I am the source of surprise in someones life - I haven't tried but now I will.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Don't Want. Don't Have.
My maid’s drunken husband beat her up last night. She told me she gets one meal a day sometimes not even that. Her daughters have never seen school and 2 meals 2 days in a row are a dream they doubt they will achieve. And the shocking part is yet to come – I was NOT shocked. That’s when it hit me. The apathy we have come to exist in. I feel sorry for I feel angry but I am not surprised – a clear indication of the sheer quantum of such episodes all around.
Somewhere I think I am losing perspective on life. Getting caught up in the daily chores of work, in hoping for my own life to sort out and in doing so, enlarging the significance of my own existence. There is a concept of giving yourself too much importance, yet there is the increasing thought that if you do not who will. Is there a correct answer? I doubt it. But here is a simple thought, when feeling like your life is complicated and often unfair, just remember to be grateful – not just for things you have but for things you don’t want and don’t have as well.
Hum of the day: Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for giving me a family. Thank you for giving me parents. Thank you for parents that love me. Thank you for parents that love each other. Thank you for the life that my family has provided me with. Thank you for the security of knowing where every meal will come from. Thank you for never giving me a chance to worry about an unwanted scar on either my body or my soul. Thank you for the ability to recognize the gift you have given me. Thank you.
Somewhere I think I am losing perspective on life. Getting caught up in the daily chores of work, in hoping for my own life to sort out and in doing so, enlarging the significance of my own existence. There is a concept of giving yourself too much importance, yet there is the increasing thought that if you do not who will. Is there a correct answer? I doubt it. But here is a simple thought, when feeling like your life is complicated and often unfair, just remember to be grateful – not just for things you have but for things you don’t want and don’t have as well.
Hum of the day: Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for giving me a family. Thank you for giving me parents. Thank you for parents that love me. Thank you for parents that love each other. Thank you for the life that my family has provided me with. Thank you for the security of knowing where every meal will come from. Thank you for never giving me a chance to worry about an unwanted scar on either my body or my soul. Thank you for the ability to recognize the gift you have given me. Thank you.
Perhaps
My life is like a treadmill- increasing the pace still does not seem to get me anywhere. That was me describing my life to a friend. And the morbidity of that statement scares me. I am just at the start of my life, how can I believe with such conviction that I am in a rut. Yet I do. And there comes the next thought process – why am I in a rut and what do I believe will help to get out of it. The answers are complex and convoluted.
Often we have expectations from ourselves and from what we believe our life should pan out to look like. It’s our social conditioning which we have to thank for this. We grow up compartmentalizing life into stages and phases and we have definite benchmarks about what the outcome of each phase is expected to be. The thing about the years of education is that we constantly have that deliverable- we move on to the next class, we have that test we clear. It’s all tangible. However, once you enter the real world, any semblance of tangibility starts to fade. The lines between what you expect, what people around you expect start to blur and therefore a sense of moving but not getting anywhere?
So we decide to set our own milestones – salary, position, location, and marriage- the list is endless. But the problem is that these milestones do not have a definite trajectory. There is no book to read and there is no test to be passed and hence there is no way of assessing additive success. Either you have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, well, life appears like a treadmill.
I used to think that just having direction is half the job done. I am not so sure any more. Sometimes, you know where you need to go, you probably know how to get there, problem is that we mostly have a blurred sense of the goal and hence getting there provides us with a multitude of options as well.
And it was in the middle of this entire thought process that I recalled a very odd conversation with my boss who in an effort to appease gave me a spiel on how he works for happiness and nothing else. I remember laughing at that time. But today that statement seems unduly profound. It makes sense. Work for happiness. We live in an effort to make people around us and hence ourselves happy, work is a significant part of our lives, why can we not seek happiness there as well.
That is when I realized that a lot of people do seek happiness at work. It all boils down to priorities and these priorities are so deeply entrenched that they cannot be altered despite any amount of social or educational conditioning. And perhaps when individual’s priorities are significantly different from those of people around, the sense of what the goal is gets clouded by what it should be. Just as what one does is often dominated by norms than desires. Perhaps that leads to a sense of lack of movement. Or perhaps the lack of movement is because of skewed expectations - because one does not get on a treadmill to get anywhere, but to achieve a specific goal in those fifteen minutes. Perhaps the answer lies not in getting off the treadmill but recognizing it for what it is – a way to achieve a temporary goal. Because life is not a treadmill really and it will not give you a goal attained signal- you just have to know that with the small goals, the larger ones may be achieved. It all boils down to faith. Perhaps.
Hum of the day: Learning to walk was not easy. You could do it as a 1 year old. Today, you may not take that risk.
Often we have expectations from ourselves and from what we believe our life should pan out to look like. It’s our social conditioning which we have to thank for this. We grow up compartmentalizing life into stages and phases and we have definite benchmarks about what the outcome of each phase is expected to be. The thing about the years of education is that we constantly have that deliverable- we move on to the next class, we have that test we clear. It’s all tangible. However, once you enter the real world, any semblance of tangibility starts to fade. The lines between what you expect, what people around you expect start to blur and therefore a sense of moving but not getting anywhere?
So we decide to set our own milestones – salary, position, location, and marriage- the list is endless. But the problem is that these milestones do not have a definite trajectory. There is no book to read and there is no test to be passed and hence there is no way of assessing additive success. Either you have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, well, life appears like a treadmill.
I used to think that just having direction is half the job done. I am not so sure any more. Sometimes, you know where you need to go, you probably know how to get there, problem is that we mostly have a blurred sense of the goal and hence getting there provides us with a multitude of options as well.
And it was in the middle of this entire thought process that I recalled a very odd conversation with my boss who in an effort to appease gave me a spiel on how he works for happiness and nothing else. I remember laughing at that time. But today that statement seems unduly profound. It makes sense. Work for happiness. We live in an effort to make people around us and hence ourselves happy, work is a significant part of our lives, why can we not seek happiness there as well.
That is when I realized that a lot of people do seek happiness at work. It all boils down to priorities and these priorities are so deeply entrenched that they cannot be altered despite any amount of social or educational conditioning. And perhaps when individual’s priorities are significantly different from those of people around, the sense of what the goal is gets clouded by what it should be. Just as what one does is often dominated by norms than desires. Perhaps that leads to a sense of lack of movement. Or perhaps the lack of movement is because of skewed expectations - because one does not get on a treadmill to get anywhere, but to achieve a specific goal in those fifteen minutes. Perhaps the answer lies not in getting off the treadmill but recognizing it for what it is – a way to achieve a temporary goal. Because life is not a treadmill really and it will not give you a goal attained signal- you just have to know that with the small goals, the larger ones may be achieved. It all boils down to faith. Perhaps.
Hum of the day: Learning to walk was not easy. You could do it as a 1 year old. Today, you may not take that risk.
Just by chance?
Its been almost 7 months since i last wrote. And im really surprised that not much seems to have changed. Then again, maybe i am not.
So i was sitting in office thinking of how to look busy while doing nothing (its an art im mastering) and i started writing. This is what i came up with.
Let me begin by introducing myself - I am a twenty six year old, on the surface confident single, sometimes ready to mingle, sometimes wanting to get married girl with an on the surface successful career. Yeah. That gives you a gist of what is to come doesn’t it. Well I just may surprise you, just like I am sure I have surprised people around me and I know that I have been pleasantly surprised myself in the most unlikely places.
So yesterday, I was having an exceptionally bad day. Work has been… well… let’s call it unpleasant to the power quite a bit. At home, in one of my wanting to get married phases, I had voiced my thoughts to my parents. As a result, I think I have only myself to blame for the arranged marriage madness that is surrounding me. In short my previous day ended with a yelling match with my boss and the next one started with one with my mom and ended with one with my sister. All in all, nice day!
In frustration, I ditched “work” early and took off to my safe haven – a bookshop. There I found myself in front of the occult section staring at couple of books by an author I was discussing with a friend just a day earlier. I don’t know why but compulsively I had a need to buy the book – my second of the day and I am yet to thank my friend for recommending it. I picked up “only love is real” by Dr Brian Weiss.
When I started reading I actually broke down. It was like this was just the book I needed to read in the frame of mind I was in. It gave me a strange sense of comfort. In knowing that emotional upheaval no matter how small feels large, that we are all victims of our past as well as prisoners to our hopes of the future and yes , that time does take care of itself. It also got me thinking of coincidences. There is a reason that every time in my life when I have needed it the most, something has been available to give me comfort. Which tells me that indeed some force is guiding my life towards a goal – and it’s nice to know someone knows that goal because I know I do not.
I have come to believe that we always have two choices i.e. to try and rationalize and appease the head or to let go of logic and go with the flow of life. The problem is that a lot of us want both the peace of the flow and the material benefits of the logic. And that is where the coincidences will come into play. At that point when you just don’t know what to do, a small nudge – a clipping you read, a person you talk to, a story you hear – it will guide you towards that aspect you need to trust at that point in life. The key is learning to recognize and listen to those coincidences and being grateful that you can.
Hum of the day: coincidences come in many forms. blogs can be one of them.
So i was sitting in office thinking of how to look busy while doing nothing (its an art im mastering) and i started writing. This is what i came up with.
Let me begin by introducing myself - I am a twenty six year old, on the surface confident single, sometimes ready to mingle, sometimes wanting to get married girl with an on the surface successful career. Yeah. That gives you a gist of what is to come doesn’t it. Well I just may surprise you, just like I am sure I have surprised people around me and I know that I have been pleasantly surprised myself in the most unlikely places.
So yesterday, I was having an exceptionally bad day. Work has been… well… let’s call it unpleasant to the power quite a bit. At home, in one of my wanting to get married phases, I had voiced my thoughts to my parents. As a result, I think I have only myself to blame for the arranged marriage madness that is surrounding me. In short my previous day ended with a yelling match with my boss and the next one started with one with my mom and ended with one with my sister. All in all, nice day!
In frustration, I ditched “work” early and took off to my safe haven – a bookshop. There I found myself in front of the occult section staring at couple of books by an author I was discussing with a friend just a day earlier. I don’t know why but compulsively I had a need to buy the book – my second of the day and I am yet to thank my friend for recommending it. I picked up “only love is real” by Dr Brian Weiss.
When I started reading I actually broke down. It was like this was just the book I needed to read in the frame of mind I was in. It gave me a strange sense of comfort. In knowing that emotional upheaval no matter how small feels large, that we are all victims of our past as well as prisoners to our hopes of the future and yes , that time does take care of itself. It also got me thinking of coincidences. There is a reason that every time in my life when I have needed it the most, something has been available to give me comfort. Which tells me that indeed some force is guiding my life towards a goal – and it’s nice to know someone knows that goal because I know I do not.
I have come to believe that we always have two choices i.e. to try and rationalize and appease the head or to let go of logic and go with the flow of life. The problem is that a lot of us want both the peace of the flow and the material benefits of the logic. And that is where the coincidences will come into play. At that point when you just don’t know what to do, a small nudge – a clipping you read, a person you talk to, a story you hear – it will guide you towards that aspect you need to trust at that point in life. The key is learning to recognize and listen to those coincidences and being grateful that you can.
Hum of the day: coincidences come in many forms. blogs can be one of them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)