“Live and Let Live” – a phrase that is simple, profound and perhaps one of the easiest life philosophies to tout while being among the most difficult to implement. I am actually beginning to wonder if it ever happens - unless the person you are letting live, is of no significance to you whatsoever. That then, defeats the true meaning of the statement.
I used to believe that the concept was close to my heart, but off-late, I find myself discovering new facets about myself – or perhaps I am learning to recognize and acknowledge the facets that were always there but I never liked. And that’s when I start to wonder, why these concepts which are esoteric and impractical to implement, were created to begin with. Maybe, their only aim is to be a goal by themselves, something similar to aiming for stars just to make sure you don’t end up with dust!
To live and let live, the fundamental requirement is to live yourself. Now that is possible only if the people around you, give you that freedom to live your life the way you want. Yes, they will have opinions, yes they will disagree, but as long as you can live and make your own decisions without any second guessing for opinions and ideas, only then, are you living yourself. After you achieve this, then you can think of letting another live.
Do you see where I am going with this? It’s a circular loop. You need to live to let others live and you need others to let you live in order to live. A fundamental fallacy!
Reality is opinionated interactions, judgments – on lifestyle, on thoughts, on ideas. And to add to this, usually, if it’s a close relationship, it often involves a need to change the above in the other person. So you want the other one to live, but on terms you are comfortable with, probably in the hope that if they do the same, you will be allowed to live. It’s all crazy and circular.
Acceptance is perhaps an easier path. And acceptance requires a fundamental understanding of the difference between acceptance and compromise. Acceptance is seeing that the other person has a point, which makes sense, given the way that person is and it means being able to respect that point and realize that no matter how close you are, you are individuals delineated at a fundamental level. Compromise on the other hand brings bitterness and a sense that you would have liked better, but the other person has a limit and not all can be changed.
I wish acceptance was easy. It comes only with a deep understanding and an intuitive sense of stability about oneself. But I like the fact that it comes with time. That slowly, seeing another person’s perspective is not so difficult. You just need to clear up the clutter in your own. It really is a chicken and egg situation but one does not necessarily need to debate which needs to come first. Be the chicken or be the egg the ultimate result is the same.
Hum of the Day
Making the first move is never easy – especially when there is no race to be won. Results are not always palpable but it’s not the moved mountain that matters, but the intention and action towards making that move that often works the wonders you are looking for. Understanding is potent, mix it up with compassion and empathy and enjoy the heady cocktail of human relationships.
2 comments:
Loved reading your post, and once again I was forced to revisit my thoughts on "Shared and Separate spaces" firstly at an individual level and then at a more complicated level of any significant relationship. I remember reading about this concept when I was in TISS, and this is something which has just stayed with me ever since.
Had blogged about it some time back - http://timesunlimited.blogspot.com/2009/05/separate-vs-shared-spaces.html
And if there is any weight in this theory, then perhaps "Synergy between shared and separate spaces" would become the foundation for successfully implementing "the live and let live" principle in any and every relationship. Also according to this identification and nurturing of "Separate spaces" must precede any attempt to align or design "shared spaces".
Easy to theorize, hard to implement, I agree...but then this could well be the starting point for us to introspect for ourselves.
Good luck !!
Love always :)
:) thanks!
Yeah, i remember you telling me about the shared spaces concept a long time back... I guess i am thinking on similar lines now.. for the longest time we all crave to have a common space with someone.. and then lose ourselves in it.. only to want the individual space again.. the balance is - as u rightly put it - eutopian :)
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